Falling in Love

Before we talk about that hot kiss, let’s talk about falling in love.

College Sex was the best sex I ever had. It seemed like love because there was never a need to fake orgasm.  I had my own apartment on the chic North side. We were all friends and we all slept together.

Every since then I’ve been waiting for that sort of bond to form.

Just because I haven’t found true love doesn’t keep me from enjoying Valentine Day.

As a matter of fact- I started last night with my celebration by adding a ‘Goodie Tray’ as a prop. More in a separate post- make your own!

I was talking about Falling in Lasting Love

Lately I’ve noticed that Love comes from individual efforts toward being a team player.

In the wild it is this way

A herd of Buffalo

A Flock of Geese

A School of Fish

I think that most people yearn for loyalty but expect too much out of one person.

Well I got just the cure for a bleeding heart

I’m making Russian Tea cookies today

Fun shapes and some porn surprises

Pink Nipples

on the white powdered sugar ones and tiny bits of dark chocolate for the Brown titties.

The boys should get a big kick out of this!

I’ll let you know.

I’m trying to find time to work on a monologue for the Approach

The Goal is Love at First Sight and a couple of $.

Holistic Strippers

Wanna stay fit? Tired of the gut? Love handles not so lovely. Spare tire doesn’t fit your make and model. Go on Mika’s Stripper diet:)

To stay hydrated and keep a youthful glow to my skin I Make fresh juice in the morning,

Grocery List for 7 days

I only shop at Whole Foods

Sirloin Tip Roast- not much fat and very tasty will lat a few days if you use portion awareness

Turkey Breast London Broil- boneless skinless turkey breast with the tenderloin removed- one nice solid piece of lean meat

4 Barlett pears

1 bag of apples

4 bananas

2 stalks of celery

3 beets and

1 clove of garlic

15 carrots and bunch of ginger for juicing. I have a Jack La Lannes’s Juicer. Wheatgrass can even go inside.

1 bunch of chard

2 lbs of green lentils

did I say spinach?

Spinach, collard greens

kidney beans

pinto beans

I can’t eat rice.

Well start with that-

I gotta go!

Crossing the Line

Mystery Mika welcomes all the Special Valley Girls who recently somehow found me! The Showgirl School is now a needle in a haystack of adult Porn. I will get through this Mature Setting thing.

I deeply apologize if the content found here is not are filthy as you had hope to find. I’ll try to do More of Who Get’s the Nut to at least keep the heat turned up.

It is sorta like the emotions felt after having my first period: I can’t get clean enough, I smell a rat, I wonder if the fact that I bleed it is written on my forehead!

After I get up from a bar-stool I check to see if I left a wet pot.

My customers bought me rounds of tequila rose to celebrate becoming the label MATURE last night and for the first time since my 39th bithday- I have a hangover. I hate drinking.

Now My Sarcoidosis is gone and flared up. My nose is clogged. I would wear black if it weren’t so hot outside. I think I should write a nice Juicy Vampire story for you gals

I feel like I’m trapped in a tomb.

The number the numbers- the numbers got me so excited- The tiny digits felt like fools gold in the end. I’m addicted to blogging, writing, expressing myself

Someone needs to be here to talk to and spank the naughty working girls. I don’t expect the world to change over night but I hope my words of wisdoms sets the sex industry right.

Note from the WISE WOMAN: Always tell someone exactly where you are going and who with- leave as many numbers as possible with that person. Make two calls, one when you go in and one when you are expecting to leave.

I know what happens in the dressing rooms across America and all the big plans to strike it rich! Ha! Listen to Naughty Nurse Mika and live longer and healthier!

Bleeding Strippers are over using Tampons for everything STOP IT, Ladies

The doctor says do not use tampons after childbirth- but stripper chicks just want to do it all their way.

Sick folks don’t want to follow directions either. It is so much pressure even dealing with people who are sick with fever. The water always need to be forced down. Why?

I’m working as a naughty nurse because the hospital was full of sick people and had the wrong smell.

Anyway, I know why so many girls get infections- they use tampons for everything- any amount a moisture or BO they plug it… I’ve seen girls plugging themselves because they just had a baby and the want to come back to work right away-

Naughty Nurse Mika says STOP it!

Tampons are not safe for all that bleeds- listen to your doctor- you are setting yourself up for infections!

Natural Stripper boobs

Boobs are a big part of stripping- don’t let anyone tell you different. Men love big natural boobs more than anything. If you have have small natural boobs then you may get away with it if they are perky and you have the small frame to match.

I’ve been on all over the map on this one.

Men are constantly asking me if I got a boob job.

I always come up with something smart to say.

If I did get a boob job, I would want to pretend that they were natural while I was working. If my boobs weren’t real it would bum me out to have to keep telling people that they were fake and give all the stats. So tacky.

Asking a woman if her boobies are real is worse than asking her about her age. The odd thing about this behavior is that if a erotic entertainer spent 4- 6 grand on a pair of boobs to aid the customers ’s fantasy- then why attempt to bust her out by asking how the trick works.

So I don’t feel bad for leaving them speechless when I’m asked about my boobs

Here a couple of my wise crack responses to: are those real?

1. Only if you like real hot chocolate.

2. No, they aren’t real- they are some-body’s dinner.

3. Where the shot glass- it’s two for one Mika

4. I’m a feeder, they are on loan.
5. I also have lipstick to draw a red circle around your eye. It would be fun to use you are target practice.

6. I can out squirt you any day.

7. I got gallons and it streams out of 5 different holes.

What I say, tell me what I say right now. You want to know right Now?

What’s that one more time.

ehhhh

8. Baby it taste so good, sweet like honey, the only thing that I got that looks completely white and creamy and goes with wonder bread toast.

9. If I shake my things, we are going to need a mop

10. damn straight, they are really working.

And No you can’t touch the nipple. Dirty Boy.

The worse thing about milky breast is that it is difficult to keep them producing at the same speed – babies always prefer one to the other which means one is going to be obviously larger as your shift progresses. After 5 hours I’m lopsided.

This is a problem if you are trying to dance nude. You look more like a side show than a main show.

Some guy tried to tell me about a gal that he knew who got implants 2 different sizes trying to look more natural. I find that hard to believe.

Some clubs, like the Admiral here in Chicago require that women cover up their nipple. Most women cover with flesh tone latex. I’m allergic to latex so I could never do that.

Beside nothing would stick once I started leaking.

Journaling: When Showgirls turn Blue- lesson1

Nancy on the stage wearing only blood diamonds…

Showgirl Cadettes: Imagine 3 different possible endings to this scenario when your night doesn’t go as well as expected.

Set up a different type of stage for yourself. Make this stage a platform for you to spend a little time reflecting instead of watching television or drinking to drown the day’s event away.

Take a deep breath. Write it down. Write only for you. This is your Heart. This is your secret peep show memory.

Pretty paper is allowed. Your favorite pen is allowed. Colored pages can be folded and sealed with lipstick kisses to yourself. You don’t need to share it with anyone. Unless you choose to, otherwise you may keep it in an odd shaped box small enough to title your tears. You are the creator and destroyer.

Grammar doesn’t matter. Incomplete sentences are complete if they help you gain insight into your thoughts. Go back in time. Go forward at will. You don’t need to put it on the Internet. Your spirit can fly. Be honest.

Tip toe into a dark closet or sleep naked at the wheel.

This dance is strictly for you.

Mystery Mika encourages this book to help you along-

Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions by James Pennebaker, PhD

Have at it Cadettes!

Tummy Mummy with Demi Moore

Mika’s pregnant photo credit: Eric Nelson, Chicago

Last night I spanked a naughty pregnant girl for smoking. She was squatting in the corner of the dressing room when I walked in.

‘What do you think you’re doing Missy?’

Missy cracked and wrapped a shy little smile around the last drag of her cigarette as she looked up at me.

Stop it! I said firm but quietly. I’ve had it with watching you hurt that baby!

I’m sweet on her. Even when she is wrong. I love her. I love her as much as any sane person can love a stranger in a strip bar. I love the silhouette of her because I understand where she is at. I didn’t smoke when I was pregnant but I did continue to work up until my due date.

Go ahead readers fall out. This statement can be verified. I’m not as hard as I am stubborned. I kept working because I could be a naughty nurse in the bar. Women in other lines of work continue to work- so why can’t a dancer?

All the guys are thinking- uh, she’s not available for sure if she’s pregnant. Therefore their fantasy just got a wet blanket thrown over it.

On the contrary, many men have pregnant fetishes or are awe struck by the sight of a pregnant woman. There were an amazing number of questions concerning my pregnancy by men with children.

Demi Moore made the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine with the caption: More Demi Moore. The photograph was taken by the famed Annie Leibovitz. The same photographer to photograph John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

The trick is being respectful toward the forming life inside of you. It is upsetting to other people if you act like a indifferent mother looking to keep partying while you are pregnant. The same goes for women with children. Don’t go home drunk to your children.

‘Missy’ is one of those classic, young , urban Black girls trapped and raised in a white girls’ body. She has tattoos on her fingers. I would bet that the ink has always been blue.

I ain’t gonna front, when I first saw her hand, it scared the hell out of me. I imagined that it was probably done on a kitchen counter top at best. Maybe even jail.

‘Mika, I’m so stressed out – I can’t help but to smoke!’

Missy threw down the butt and kicked it under the table.

‘ What are you so stressed about?’

‘ Same ole, same ole- MONEY. ‘

‘Well, do you want your baby to have asthma? Think about all the extra care you’ll need to provide if he is born sick because you smoked while you were pregnant! I exhaled.

Then you will really need extra money, I added.

Think about the baby, he is your new everything.

‘How would you like it if I started smoking?’

This threat only works because she loves me too. Everyone that works with me knows that I have a lung weakness. Actually it is Sarcoidosis, hardly anyone has heard of it, so I don’t bother with the medical term. Sometimes I cough my brains out if I get irritated or over tired. I will be so happy when the Illinois state wide smoking ban takes effect in January.

Maybe I am a nerd but I have never understood the fascination with puffing on a cigarette. The only time I ever smoked is when I needed a cigarette as a prop for a domination session.

Hey that’s what he paid for, not me smoking but to have his foot burned with a lit cigarette. The only way to keep it lit is to smoke it. Right?

I’m getting away from the story which isn’t really a long story. It just something brief that happened.

This moment is about HOPE. Every mother’s hope and happiness while pregnant with a wanted baby. Yeah sometimes the situation is perfect. Sometimes far from perfect. Often, there may be struggle. Somehow we make it through.

When I see a young lady having a difficult time I stretch out my arms to her. Sometimes I am the one who gets spanked for giving a rats ass because the girl knows nothing about real love.

She is a woman that has never recovered from her childhood.

It took me a long time, now I want to help others.

‘Think of the baby Missy, his little limbs forming it is a miracle and a new start for you.’

This is what motivates me to keep at this blog and realize my dream of forming actual workshops around the Mika Showgirl School module.

At first I didn’t know how I would intertwine all the different subject matter. How was I to separate all the topics?

I think about everything. Everything happens at once. So I write about it all and hope that somehow the right words will reach the right girl in need.

This Showgirl School is about me weighing in, caring, attempting to make a change by advocating for other women. Women make the world go round. In the face of many obstacles we give life. We shape love. I urge you all to love each other.

Hold on a minute. I am getting choked up.

What I would like for everyone to do is this:

Reach out. Stop talking about the bad things and do something to make a difference.

If you are pregnant, stop smoking, drinking alcohol, etc. Go to your regular check ups. Be honest with your physician.

If you know a pregnant dancer give her my blog address.

Smile at her. Don’t smoke in her face. Let her go in front of you in the bathroom.

Don’t tell all of her regular customers that she is pregnant. Odds are they already know and they are trying to help her out by still getting dances from her. Duh.

Supporting each other doesn’t need to be expensive.

Ladies with babies can help by keeping their baby clothes in good condition and bagging it all up to pass on to your favorite pregnant stripper!

It is better to be sisterly toward one another than catty and competitive.

The world needs changing, let’s change it by changing ourselves. Our children can have a better future if you start off doing what is best for them. Life begins in the womb. Once you decide to continue your pregnancy make the commitment to at least stop partying and smoking while you are pregnant.

Back Fetish

Here’s a better picture of my back for all of those fetish folks

The Extrovert Stripper Voyage

Before Charlie Rose asked Pulitzer’s prize – winning journalist, Connie Schultz what she thought about the Extrovert Politician, Mystery Mika was pondering the one thing every Stripper has in common: we don’t mind being watched.

Every female erotic entertainer is on a Extrovert Voyage. Before Charlie used the word extrovert, I’d forgotten it. Now I can’t help but to say: ” Thankssssssss Charlie!”

(I mean that thank you in my sweetest angel voice!)

The Extrovert Voyage is my own term as far as I know. This is what I mean by it:

In the club atmosphere, the entertainers expect to be watched. Most are pretty private in the dressing room. Unless there is a transgression of justice to pronounce, we get dressed in concentrated whispers. The center of our attention is getting our costume and make up just right. Often there are girls sitting around doing nothing but watching a lady that they admire put her sexy on.

It is humbling when a new girl pays me a compliment on an outfit that I’d worn weeks ago. Even more flattering is when a girl shows up in her version of one of my outfits. No- that’s not the best… the best of the best is when someone compliments me on a garment and asks if I made it.

I don’t make stuff unless there is a need. I made all my pregnant stripper costumes. Now all the ladies that joined the bar around that time, think that I am still making stuff.

Perhaps I would be making some fantasy costumes if I weren’t painting and writing so much- after all, I do need to sleep and take care of my children!

If a lady is watching me as I am dressing, it doesn’t bother me one bit. I’ve been looking and learning for a long time. My curiosity concerning the bodies of other women of different nationalities has been settled in the dressing room of strip bars across America .

Years of practice has made it possible for me to get out of the dressing room in 3 songs and not need to shut all other movement and friendly studying out as I do so.

Eyes piercing our gowns don’t offend us. On the contrary, we become worried if no one is looking.

First off, we are watching the money makers – veterans and the pretty young women . The money makers teach how to present that which is provocative.

The young women remind us of unpretentious body language- which men find very appealing. The ladies who have been dancing for a while are often stale. Every gesture has become a maneuver.

Some women are lost on their voyage. Often the idea of becoming just enough of this and a little bit of that is overwhelming. Perhaps they decide that it is against their feminist morals and choose to rebel. Instead of striving to be sweet, lady like and glamorous they go for the spotlight of loud, obnoxious and drunk.

The fantastic thing about being a stripper is that you can change your style, hair color, name, and approach anytime and as often as you feel like it.

I have pretty much done them all that my skin tone could pull off.

At the Harmony Burlesque Theater on 22nd street there was a chocolate as chocolate could get dancer who named herself Cara.

Cara was the purest Black Barbie- I’d ever met. She looked awesome in white or periwinkle. Her mannerisms were always poised perfect regardless of how many customers were in the club. She embodied Black Barbie (Cara) for to turn herself on.

I think she told me that her nose and boobs had been surgically altered twice each. Her voice was her own but she trained it to sound just like velvet. She wore macro braids and permanent individual eye lashes but hardly any other make up. I would not be surprised if she makes it to the show Beauty and the Geek one day.

Who knows what Cara was before she polished herself to project a life size Barbie doll. It is not surprising to get to know a lady as one way and then run into that same lady a year or even a month later at a different bar and find that she has completely, convincingly recreated herself.

Now if strippers are so dumb, explain how a bimbo could learn how to do such a thing. Average women pay coaches dearly to achieve the look that sells their Ideal Self.

Get Some Legs- Mika Plays Golf

One more Man Thing demystified! How many women want to know what the whole golfing for hours is about for a man? Try getting some fresh air and exercise. My arms hurt the next day. I loved it!

We only played 9 holes because I got hungry.

The next time we will go to the driving range. I could use some practice gripping the shaft just right.

I’ve been told that taking on a real golf course was a big deal for the first time playing golf. I like ‘em big!

Get Some Legs Yall!

Lips and the HOT Kiss

Lips are the ultimate intimate entrance. There’s nothing I hate worse than kissing someone that I don’t know! It is one thing to watch a woman dance but kissing is way way over the line. Just the thought of swapping spit with stranger makes me sick.

Snow White started it and Hollywood sealed the the deal. Somehow they get away with it not being seen as prostitution- even though they get paid to make out with their co stars. But, let one of us try it- Dick Tracey would be slapping the Chanel bracelets on our fishnet ass so quick.

I think about kissin people that I have the real hots for. Perhaps this is why guys at bars try to sneak a kiss in whenever you drop your guard. It is as if they are checking to see if you are only after their money!

‘if she let’s me kiss her, she really likes me!’

WRONG.

If she kisses you, she kisses everybody!

Yuck.

Here’s a news flash… Most times the HOTS are a built up of passion. Passion takes time. Slow down Partner. Men expect that if they wag enough money in your face, they don’t need to go to the dentist, drink water or brush their teeth.

Maybe some thirsty desperate ladies don’t mind- especially if they got crap stuck in their teeth too- Together you can make a crusty cake.

Even Ugly Betty brushes.

How about Ugly Bob? No, he’s just rich!

Nasty is still nasty. Love is still love. If you really want a woman to like you, you need to present yourself as best as you can. The bottom line is that you need to be sweet and positive and generous. If you think a girl is taking advantage of you- stop dancing with her! Don’t stop being the best you!

Perhaps I’m just screwed up and should stick to painting lips and imagining steamy kisses when I turn the vibrator on. I hate the fact that nobody feels the need to take their time anymore.

How many housewives miss loving kisses?

Did it seem like he kissed you better before you had kids and you needed him to give up something?

Did he bring home flowers everyday when you were his girlfriend?

Well I am going to paint some satisfied lips. These are the lips of before… before he got you figured out!

I would like to make every pair that I paint different.

The photograph series that I am painting from is about 2 1/2 years old. It is time to ask the same ladies to sit for another round. Some of the ladies have changed, others have stayed pretty much the same.

As time passes women usually define their style and learn to apply make up better. I am so excited to have held on to my muses for so long and to have the divine opportunity to capture different time periods of the same person’s career. It is like watching a garden grow.

If the photo is taken inside the dressing room, most likely I’ve caught the young lady before she has started working and without complete stage make up.

During Monday night’s painting session my memory was at war over the lips. The photographed image that I was working from showed me a different set of lips than I recalled my vixen possessing.

Her dressing room smile is different than the coy Mona Lisa one she sports around the the pool table. She paints on her lips for each show. I’d forgotten what was real until the photograph reminded me.

Well I ended up painting combination. As much as I tried I wasn’t satisfied with what was on the photo. I will do more studies of her – until I exhaust her every angle her every gesture.

While I am at work at the bar, I study the features of my models. I am tolerated because in that atmosphere we as women are allowed to ‘friendly stare’ at each other. Smiles and kisses on the cheek go a long way to display affection- unlike the catty real world.

I promise to paint exactly what is on the photograph- one day. For now I have excused myself from reality because in order for my work to parallel Henri Toulouse- Lautrec- I need to think of my paintings as marque posters.

Ha! Imagine opening up the Gentlemen Pages or the Reader and seeing one of my paintings as the ad.

Not much time for writing these days if I am to get these 10 paintings finished before Around the Coyote begins. Expect the articles to be short and sweet until October.