If calling myself Pornography drives readers to Stumbleupon my site- then by all means call me pornography. Where else can Mystery Mika be slipped into a category?
‘Post Sex Education’ as a term hasn’t really been coined yet.
As long as I don’t end up being questioned by the police- guess things are alright.
When Elvis started with his leg shaking and pole tricks he was censored because parents didn’t like the idea of their teenage daughters fainting
Personally I don’t care who he ’stole’ his moves from. Elvis was jamming like a ‘mo fo‘
Elvis makes pumping trash look so easy!
Where do Strippers really fall on the food chain? I posed this question this morning to my twitter followers.
A nice lady responded: Strippers fall right below exotic/pole dancers and right above prostitutes.
The main idea seems to be that strippers come in above prostitutes for people who don’t find what Strippers do amazing or involving skill.
As far as being Entertainers, what do most people classify Stripping as? Who is brave enough or desperate enough to do it?
It really depends on who you ask. Stripping is the topic of many hip hop songs.
Check out these Pole lite Girls from Manhattan, New York. Gosh, I will I’d thought of this!
I would bet my right Ugg boot, that the majority would say that stripping is cheap entertainment.
There is of plenty sexy stuff in our mist to have conversations about but most people are too tongue tied.
For the most part, it is good for business that the mainstream can’t get away from being shy when it comes to talking about sex.
If you have never gone to a Gentlemens’ club, then you have no idea of what a pole trick really looks like on stage. Maybe we should just keep it that way.
The women seem wicked. All poke yo booty stuff gets lumped into the same category.
I am completely surprised that Victoria Secrets catalogs make it out in regular mail without having to be sealed in plastic.
Who am I to upset this delicate balance that keeps our society sneaking around and feeling guilty?
This is the only translation that I was able to find on the Internet. All my French friends are still sleeping.
Thanks to youtube member BEKERIANO I can offer this black and white video link of Frances Gall performing Les Sucettes.
Wait til you see the head on the thing she is stroking in her lap!
Research leads me to believe that at the tender age of 18, Frances didn’t understand the hidden meaning of the lyrics that she was singing. Wikipedia says that she hid for weeks after finding out what men were thinking as she sang the innocent song.
Well later in life Frances Gall got more control over her career and sang this hit song to the Blues legend Ella Fitzgerald. The video in the background leads me to think that she was paying homage to the African American strife going on in America at the time.
My French is terrible. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
In the past when the kid gloves came off there was nothing left but nylons and garter belts.
Betty Page captured the hearts of many in her signature black sheer pantie hose, patent leather pumps, stylish bangs. Her milk white skin was a unforgettable contrast to the way she glammed up for the camera.
Here’s a rare television interview with Betty Page. (Mystery Mika loves you, youtube.)
Betty Page wore black and never made it easy for her co stars to hog tie her.
Here’s Betty Page putting up a fight.
Should women really be pulling each others hair to entertain men?
Girl Fight!
It pretty much comes down to compensation.
If you are treated well and get paid well then it is okay.
If you are forced to do things that you don’t want to do and don’t get paid then it feels very bad.
In any business there are people trying constantly to get the upper hand.
Most people consider themselves smart when they see a profit.
I am a two bit stripper and this entry is part of my stripper blog. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.
You know that you are getting someplace when you look around and you suddenly have a ton of haters. I’ve gotten more than a few hits from people looking to read a rant from a Diablo Cody hater.
Sorry that’s my girl! Mystery Mika has nothing but love for Diablo.
Gee wiz, Mystery Mika hasn’t even gotten a movie deal yet. Already a larger than life playa hater scene has exploded in my dressing room. It was almost a girl fight last night. My back was up against the mirror.
The competition does not like it when they can’t keep up.
The woman who was nipping at my mere existence was more than twice my size, ANGRY and intoxicated!
The only way I could possibly have won a fist fight with her is by wearing full battle gear and slapping her in a bob wire straight jacket.
‘Diana‘ no I can’t call her that because that was Wonder Woman’s name.
Mystery Mika loves Wonder Woman.
ok. let me call her, Ruby. No that’s my dog’s name- I don’t want to insult my pooch.
How does Houndstoothsound? That should will give you a good idea of how well she was able to weld her nasty charm and spit sucking grin. She had no empathy for the fact that I’d recently been to the dentist. Grown men don’t like the dentist.
check out this Comfortably Sedated Video- yet another youtube link
Her eyes became bulging sockets. A destructive icy blue tornado swirled. (oops, that was her idea of eye shadow)
It wanted to touch down on me. Envelope me and erase me. She was desperate to keep me off of the floor. She was furious at how her regulars peeked at me when she was attempting to get their undivided attention.
The scary part is that I am not exaggerating.
Houndstooth: ‘You suck Mika. f—K you Mika and your damn cookies.’
Mika: ummmmm, sounds like you are mad because you aren’t sucking me.
(I still thought she was joking)
Houndstooth: You’re old, Mika. Your body may be thin- but your face looks old. It’s sagging. Your face is sunken and old. Other people aren’t going to tell you that- but me, I’m you’re friend. I’ll tell you!
Mika: you’re not my friend and you might as well shut up because you can’t convince me of that.
She was shouting her words through barely opened yellow teeth.
I’ve never noticed what big teeth she has.
In Houndstooth defense, she is right to feel put off by me, I’ve never respected her work character. She is loud and pushy. Somehow people always KNOW when I’m only tolerating them. It always blows up in my face.
I’ve always tried be pleasant to her until that one day about six weeks ago when I had a toothache from dental work.
NOT ME but it is equally as gruesome:
I asked her to stop jumping (and being so loud) or leave the dressing room that is really a broom closet… so that people who were actually trying to get ready for the floor could do so.
Apparently she has been mad ever since.
Even though a few days after the ‘incident’ we talked about it. She had said that I’d hurt her feelings by asking her to leave. I did apologize and I explained that I’d had dental work done that day and the motrin hadn’t kicked in yet.
We were so close in the dressing room that I was afraid she was going to step on me.
Her toe nails long and discolored with chipped red nail polish on every other toe.
Some people are impossible to reason with. I’ve always suspected that about her nature. I’ve heard her bark at customers when disappointed by her tip.
Telling her that I didn’t want her to step on me did not make her feel any better.
I might as well of said that she was a like bull in a china shop.
She became very defensive and said that she wasn’t drunk and would not have stepped on me.
She never became rational. Instead she used ever bully strategy that she could think of.
Finally I shut up and let her rage off.
Two other ladies were in the dressing room- one was close enough to her size to knock her out. But I was seated on her lap. Eating a sandwich. The other was a bit smaller but did a good job of putting a bit a distance between me and her. Just so I’d had enough time to adjust for battle.
Mentally I was stuck on the fact that my hands were so greasy that I couldn’t imagine getting a firm grip on a glass or beer bottle.
I was trying to decide what part of my body was I going to sacrifice to defend myself. My legs were under the counter. Any movement might be taken as a first move. I didn’t want to start the fight by simply freeing up my legs.
The smaller one tried to hold her back as I sat calmly on the other’s ladies lap.
The only thing we could do is not show any fear.
My girlfriend whose lap I was on said- naw let her go. You can’t hold her back. If she wants to get over here- she’s coming. Let ‘ha’ come.
and then Houndstooth said: you better get her off your lap!
My girlfriend said: naw Mika ain’t going no where.My baby gonna stay right here. If you gonna do something, come on over here and do it.
I squinted my eyes as I starred her directly in her face and made my plan in case she actually decided to make good on her threats to slam me into the window.
My girlfriend said: ain’t even no window in here! You better go on.
That’s when Houndstooth started talking about my cookies and goodie tray.
Like a fool- I said: I ain’t never liked you.
She called me every bitch she could think of.
The fact that she could not read my body language or see the whites of my eyes made her uncertain of what I might have in my boot.
Stop squinting at me like you are looking at the Sun! Was the last thing that she said. It was awful. I was so shocked that she had gone off like that. So now I guess I gotta watch out for her.
That’s the sort of out burst a girl who gets a lot of attention has to be prepared for when working in a club. I’m sure it ain’t over. Damn.
Ten years ago there was no such thing as a known stripper/ screenplay writer. No one had delivered themselves as:’ I was once a stripper’ to the world.
Most of my attempts of performing monologues as a stripper were received by mixed gender audiences as too risque when offered as non fiction.
On average housewives didn’t use to (in any way shape or form) emotional support women who basically make their income off of roaming, partying husbands.
I doubt if that has completely changed however- Today’s Strippers are seen more as women taking care of their financial needs than deadly vamps.
Diablo Cody has opened the door for other women in the industry by producing a screenplay that demonstrates how well a nice piece of ass can tell a story.
Strippers have a unique perspective on culture and human nature.
We see people naked without their masks tied everyday… all day. As women Strippers stare at each other and publicly touch each other’s boobs. We are different than ordinary women in so many ways.
The Strip dance can be a choking black ribbon or endless wave that permeates the imagination with the confession: I’m a Stripper.
Sometimes we don’t even know if God Loves us.
Well… until Diablo Cody. She gives us all hope that with talent and dedication- we can truthfully stand tall and earn positive feedback.
Who Get’s the Nut is proud to present Ms. Diablo Cody a bejeweled crown of bacon and Voges chocolate.
Diablo is the Patron Saint of Strippers and should be recognized for awaking audiences to the creative intellectual voice once squashed by supposed decency.
May Diablo Cody’s reign in Hollywood be glamorous, eventful, majestic, revealing and inspiring to other women in the sex industry who have enough guts to type what’s on their minds after a night of grinding and smiling for dirty ole men.
So here’s to ya Diablo Cody a big Red Carpet (((((((((((((wave)))))))))))))
Mystery Mika speaks for all of the stiletto stuffed mini skirts on Mannheim Rd. We strut our sexy at the elite Scores Chicago, One Step Beyond, The Playpen, Bobby’s Bar, and All Stars.
We haven’t made it off the strip and are so amorous of Diablo who is a real life Pretty Woman. We are Proud of you and Oscar nominated Juno.
Thanks so much for going all the way Baby!
To think it all started with a bubbling blog called The Pussy Ranch.
Whenever the hawk blows up my britches, I search the road map for sunshine.
I’ve been threatening to make this blog more informative with real news reporting which would mean getting on the road again- one way or another.
Well with kids to take care of my life is a little restricted. So I’ve decided to intellectual challenge myself instead. Like all strippers- I’m in it to win it. I want to make money. I need to make money. I don’t mind showing my ass if that’s what it takes.
Gambling has never been my thing. As a matter of fact- I am known for pocketing money given for me to ‘play’ with by Playas.
Vegas has a good reputation for being active during the cold Chicago months. Men go there to gamble and see Showgirls.
I know that you need to get a Sheriff’s card to work and that could take up to a week. It’s just too much to fly out there, find someone to babysit, dog sit and too expensive to take everyone with me- Vegas for dancing is out this Winter.
I remember reading somewhere that Diablo Cody had been keeping her Pussy Ranch blog for 2 years before she got a phone call offering her an advance. By that time table, I have another year to go.
Well my daughter needs food and health insurance now. I am constantly disappointed by babysitters. Tell me, what sane person would put a baby in a car without a car seat?
Believe it or not all of this and much more has been going on and I keep getting up everyday and trying to write for 4 hours. Now I beginning to think that I am a real writer. I’m not perfect- my grammar probably sends twitter’s @Grammargirl into a frenzy but- I try. I try to communicate and pass on what I’ve learned in my 40 years.
Yesterday I put the theory that Twitter.com is faster than Google to the test (providing that you have establish a network of useful twitters).
I asked my Followers if they had any ideas for self publishing because I can’t bare to wait for Diablo’s people. I want an ebook by January 20th which will be my 41st Birthday.
Several people responded with http://www.lulu.com.
So I checked it out.
It looks easy enough.
Now I need to pull together 60 pages that I think people would enjoy having as a download. I’m going to put a few paintings between the juicy tales- or paint some new tails to sandwich between the erotic tales…
Every one gets their panties in a bunch when Mystery Mika switches into Real health mode including my own 16 year old. So why don’t we all get our heads out of the sand and talk about teen sex.
Recently Twitter’s @QueenofSpain posted Mom Gone Mad and took a flame licking.
It seems some people are upset that Jamie Lynn Spears star of Zoey 101 decided to keep her baby.
Let’s see how it all could have went down. She could have keep her mind focused on work and school – leaving very little time for boys and sex-escapade’s thereby never getting pregnant.
Ms. Spears could have been more careful- made use of spermicide, mega condoms, female condoms and stuffed her mouth with birth control pills once she became sexually active- to avoid a seemly, untimely pregnancy.
Let’s not leave out, that Ms. Spears could have gotten a day after you get fucked up pill from a clinic after she had sloppy sex.
Ms. Spears could have quietly had an abortion under some alias.
With a sister like Britney, the teen could have taken a vacation with a relative in Paris for about a year. Apparently the show Zoey 101 has already been filmed. There were ways to just go have a baby.
When there’s a will there is a way to have a baby without public notice.
Mystery Mika is very suspicious about how this is being handled. I’ve said it before, The Spears need better handlers. It’s like a Girl’s Gone Wild Camp over there.
Nurse Mika is concerned by the stress all of this hoopla may be causing the unborn baby. The kid is going to be born into exile. Teen mother etc. Splattered all over the news.
With that said why do teens have sex? I asked my 16 year old who is home from school for winter break. He declines comment at the moment.
The funny thing is my son has no problem bringing up the subject of drugs. He is shocked by the strange drugs kids he knows have experimented with. He says that he will probably never drink. He’s not in a hurry to get a drivers’ license either.
However when it comes down to sex- he shuts up. His lips are sealed and he won’t even look me in the eye when I ask him questions.
“Are you having s-e-x?”
“Do you know how to put on a condom?”
“What happen between you and that 17 year old girlfriend?”
“Are you gay?”
Sometimes I get a chuckle. Actually I get a lot of chuckles.
Are you laughing at me because I’m desperate to get this conversation going?
“Ma, I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
That’s all I get.
He’s about a foot taller than me. He knows that I am a dancer. I’ve been talking to him about sex, sex predators, safe sex, hormones, marriage, love, dating, having kids, being responsible, drugs, suicide, abnormal behavior, addiction, the armed forces, money, making money, choosing a career, staying healthy and the age of consent since he could ask where babies come from.
Often because of his silence, I’ll panic and say things like:
“whatever you do, don’t grow up and become a slave to your dick. Don’t date girls who need to sneak out of the house. Don’t date girls younger than you. Don’t trust girls to handle the condom. She might be crazy and put a pin hole in it!”
Two years ago he decided to stop eating red meat. He still eats fish because he doesn’t mind fishing but hunting turns his stomach. To me this illustrates him developing a conscious independent of mine. I’m not a vegetarian although I eat tons of vegetables.
I guess he’s a normal kid that is probably sexually active at times- and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
In two years he can be drafted or enlist in the armed service.
My goal as a parent is to launch a whole citizen into the world who will be useful to the world.
Not all parents care about such things. Some parents are drug addicts, emotionally unstable, uninformed, mis informed or just need to work so much outside of the home that they are too miserable and tired to spend time with their children trying to talk about these difficult subjects.
This brings me to the responsibility of schools, television stations, and health officials attempting to provide education aimed towards possibly sexual active teens.
Personally I don’t want any uninformed, horny, lonesome girls going after my boy. He already experienced a girl that was a cutter who wanted to be more than friends. She’s done every drug and wanted my son around to ‘talk to’. Luckily he asked for help in dealing with her.
School programs and television could be a useful tool in bringing up issues that teens don’t want to talk one on one with their parents about.
Every teen knows that mom and dad are going to get upset to hear that they are having sex. Most kids really don’t like disappointing their parents and would like to avoid confrontation.
The school nurse becomes an advocate. Information without Judgement. Saving Lives not souls. Perhaps these agencies and cable hosts won’t get it right in the beginning. Not everybody is going to welcome the change but something needs to be done. There are too many teens running amok.
All of us will need to do a little more growing up to safe guard our youth.
Does Nickelodeon have a Magic Teen Love Wand to zap all their viewers into shape?
Can they come up with a better naughty nurse the me?
How do you talk about sex with your teens without alienating them?
Over the years she has managed to come up smelling like a rose but what will happen next with the dawn of the Hollywood Writers Strike? Isn’t it about time the Bitch just rolled over and died!
I can’t speak for every seriously thirsty wanna be writer out there hoping for a break. It would be a tooth clinching fanny wag if the writers strike worked in my favor
Like some important people getting very antsy- needing new content so badly that they called my 900 number daily begging me for a few lines to float the Soap.
Finally my big fat check!
This morning Mystery Mika took to the street… interviewing a few Wicker Park artists/ writers about crossing the picket line:
Joe: bah hum bubba hollywoody
Sara: No, I wouldn’t cross- I already have too many flat irons on my poky
Dave: No but I don’t have kids. I wouldn’t blame you if you did though
Bloom: Yeah and I give all of the mega soap opera babes diseases- when the dust is cleared the regular writers would return and bring everybody back to life- it would be so awesome!
Frank: no let them sweat- do you know how many scripts I’ve sent in! 100’s… you know how many of my story lines have ended up on T.V? 100’s! Do you know how much money I’ve made? Zilch! Nada! ITTLCH… Thieves! Close down television for alll I care.
Barb: There’s a writers strike? I thought they were putting all the writers in jail and out sourcing the lawyers from Pakistan.
Well there you have it folks my completely made up story. Completely made up interviews… twisted but hardly evil enough to land me a job. The thong is still pasted to my ass and I will never apologize for taking care of my children.
It is late morning and I am sipping on Green Jade tea and listening to Tommy Klein practice Waltz in G by Ferdinand Carulli. It is interesting to catch up with the old schoolers to see what and how they keep up with the flow in these ever changing times.
Keep in mind that Tommy is so occupied with his acoustic guitar that he doesn’t even know that I am interviewing him. We are just chatting. Later I say thanks for the interview!
His guitar is a nylon string, student model, Gracia guitar that he says isn’t really expensive but it has a sticker on the inside that tells where all the wood came from and that it was made in 1970.
Mika: How long have you been practicing today?
Tommy K: This morning, I got up and started around 4:30am because I couldn’t sleep.
We started out talking about Harry Belafonte, Miriam Makeba and Bobby Darin. My friend Dan had been playing Belafonte yesterday at Bite Cafe on his Ipod – my 10 month old, daughter loved it. Suddenly I want to know more about Harry Belafonte. I am asking every musician that I know about Harry.
Tommy K : Harry Belafonte is an activist- back in his day he was King of Calypso. It makes sense that a toddler would find his music ‘bouncable‘. Calypso is enjoyable because it is dynamic with surprising sounds.
Mika: I see a spectrum of color while listening to Harry
Tommy K: My mentor and teacher, Jack Cecchini played as part of the band for Harry Belafonte and Miriam Makeba. Jack played with Bobby Darin too. Bobby Darin supported and marched with Martin Luther King. You can say that those performers were pioneers when it came down to entertainers joining movements and demanding civil rights.
One night in the early 90’s, when I was still operating the Vic Theatre… Miriam Makeba and her band were playing… I went outside to have a look around and there was Jack Cecchini standing in line! I got him out of line, brought him inside and put him in a box.
I didn’t know he was coming because I hadn’t talked to him in a long time. Jack hadn’t talked to Miriam in a long time. Everyone had a blast.
You should try to interview Jack. I bet he has some show business stories for you. Back in their day, those musicians were cutting edge. Jack played with all of them and he always slept with the band and didn’t go along with the black/white this and that separation nonsense!
Mika: How did you meet Jack Ceccini?
Tommy K: When I was 17 years old, I had a music teacher on the south side of Chicago who I’d been taking lessons from- one day he took me aside and said- look Kid, I’ve taken you as far as I can take you. It is time you seek another Teacher. He recommended Jack Ceccini who had a little store that was managed by his wife, Eve.
Tommy K: I wanted to learn from the best, so I called the store and booked a lesson. The rest is history!
Mika: Why do you practice classical music if you are considered a Jazz musician?
Tommy K: Classical has good format and good technique it can be applied to modern jazz and rock. You want to have good technique even when you play electric guitar!
Mika: I have absolutely no idea of what good technique consists of but I love Along the Watch Tower by Jimi Hendrix.
Tommy K: All Along the Watchtower? That’s a Bob Dylan tune. Jimi Hendrix liked Bob Dylan a lot.
Mika: That surprises me. They seem so different- but then I know squat about music.
Tommy Klein gets up from the music stands and walks over to his Mac. I think he was trying to find Bob Dylan doing All Along the Watchtower but comes up with Dylan doing Like a Rolling Stone instead.
Tommy K: Jimi Hendrix did like a Rolling Stone too.
Mika: I think of Bob Dylan as a poet. I must admit that all these years of dancing- I’ve only recently started paying attention to who wrote the music that I dance to. DJ have been handling all that stuff. I’m too cheap to put money in the juke box- I just say play some Rock or R and B.
Tommy K: Bob Dylan is a poet- he was saying something important to that generation when he wrote those songs… listen to the lyrics. Dylan has mass appeal.
Mika: What are you listening to lately?
Tommy K: Right now, I’m on this Opera’s Greatest Tenors kick. I made friends with this guy down the street- so happens he’s a accomplished, local, opera singer. He played me one of his recordings and he sounds just like Pavarotti- but then I don’t know much about opera. Anyway, we started this book exchange. I’m studying the history of opera and the greatest tenors. It’s cool. The funny thing is that I never like that kind of music before.
Mika: Why do you think that you were like that then and what caught your ear recently?
Tommy K: Well it is so organic. My neighbor has a collection of recordings and a Victrola. When he cranked up the album it was all scratchy and stuff but it sounded so ripe. I was taken aback. Back in those days the musicians had to get it right without sound studio technology.
Mika: Maybe you ran out of other styles and Opera is your last frontier.
Tommy K: Neeeh. As you get older, you get more open minded… Opera wasn’t my style… it’s an acquired taste- Guess now I am old enough to appreciate it.
