Pole Tricks Everywhere

If calling myself Pornography drives readers to Stumbleupon my site- then by all means call me pornography. Where else can Mystery Mika be slipped into a category?

‘Post Sex Education’ as a term hasn’t really been coined yet.

As long as I don’t end up being questioned by the police- guess things are alright.

When Elvis started with his leg shaking and pole tricks he was censored because parents didn’t like the idea of their teenage daughters fainting

Personally I don’t care who he ’stole’ his moves from. Elvis was jamming like a ‘mo fo‘

Elvis makes pumping trash look so easy!

Where do Strippers really fall on the food chain? I posed this question this morning to my twitter followers.

A nice lady responded: Strippers fall right below exotic/pole dancers and right above prostitutes.

The main idea seems to be that strippers come in above prostitutes for people who don’t find what Strippers do amazing or involving skill.

As far as being Entertainers, what do most people classify Stripping as? Who is brave enough or desperate enough to do it?

It really depends on who you ask. Stripping is the topic of many hip hop songs.

Check out these Pole lite Girls from Manhattan, New York. Gosh, I will I’d thought of this!

I would bet my right Ugg boot, that the majority would say that stripping is cheap entertainment.

There is of plenty sexy stuff in our mist to have conversations about but most people are too tongue tied.

For the most part, it is good for business that the mainstream can’t get away from being shy when it comes to talking about sex.

If you have never gone to a Gentlemens’ club, then you have no idea of what a pole trick really looks like on stage. Maybe we should just keep it that way.

The women seem wicked. All poke yo booty stuff gets lumped into the same category.

I am completely surprised that Victoria Secrets catalogs make it out in regular mail without having to be sealed in plastic.

Who am I to upset this delicate balance that keeps our society sneaking around and feeling guilty?

Frances dear didn’t know she was a hot sex kitten

Annie like lollipops

Anise lollipops

Anne’s anise lollipops

Give her kisses an anise flavor

When her tongue lies only on the short stick.

She takes her legs to her body (to run off)

and goes back to the drugstore

For a few pennies

Anne gets her anise lollipops

They have the color of her big eyes

The color of happy days.

When the anise flavored barley sugar

Sinks in Annie’s throat

She is in Heaven

This is the only translation that I was able to find on the Internet. All my French friends are still sleeping.

Thanks to youtube member BEKERIANO I can offer this black and white video link of Frances Gall performing Les Sucettes.

Wait til you see the head on the thing she is stroking in her lap!

Research leads me to believe that at the tender age of 18, Frances didn’t understand the hidden meaning of the lyrics that she was singing. Wikipedia says that she hid for weeks after finding out what men were thinking as she sang the innocent song.

Well later in life Frances Gall got more control over her career and sang this hit song to the Blues legend Ella Fitzgerald. The video in the background leads me to think that she was paying homage to the African American strife going on in America  at the time.

My French is terrible. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Girl Fight!

In the past when the kid gloves came off there was nothing left but nylons and garter belts.

Betty Page captured the hearts of many in her signature black sheer pantie hose, patent leather pumps, stylish bangs. Her milk white skin was a unforgettable contrast to the way she glammed up for the camera.

Here’s a rare television interview with Betty Page. (Mystery Mika loves you, youtube.)

Betty Page wore black and never made it easy for her co stars to hog tie her.

Here’s Betty Page putting up a fight.

Should women really be pulling each others hair to entertain men?

Girl Fight!

It pretty much comes down to compensation.

If you are treated well and get paid well then it is okay.

If you are forced to do things that you don’t want to do and don’t get paid then it feels very bad.

In any business there are people trying constantly to get the upper hand.

Most people consider themselves smart when they see a profit.

Proud Mary

Skilled dancers can break down the lifetime of a cherry blossom into universal gestures.. Trained and practiced singers have the willpower to push a melody so far under your skin that your spine tingles from vibrations of unknown truth.

Even babies will dance in the presence of a superb performer.

Once upon a time, I bobbed my head to Proud Mary without even understanding a single word that Tina said.

I remember my grandmother’s wooden record player. When the top was down it looked like a long, narrow table.

In the afternoon, after she fed her guppies, she would sing and dance to her favorite albums by Elvis, Sammy Davis, Dean Martin, Ike and Tina.

My life hadn’t yet gotten rough but I remember noting the difference between the way she sang ‘nice and easy‘ vs. ‘rough‘

Love was being nicknamed Sugar Lump

Love was being innocent- almost 3

Love was watching my grandmother grin. Her crisp apron tied around her chubby waist.

Is it ironic that my grandmother’s name was Mary?

Starting Valentine Count down

Lick My Porno Cookie Vagina!

Hiya Cadettes,

Day 2 of walking with the Porno Cookie Goodie Tray went very well. When I say well I mean the girls had fun and the guys had fun watching the girls have fun.

The biggest hit was the cookies shaped like Vaginae. I formed fat vaginae, wide open vaginae, big clit vaginae and floppy lip vaginae.

Blooming artistically with vagina sculpture, I will revisit Georgia O’keefe and study how that painter made eloquent creases and folds.

Even men who are horned out often refer to a pussy as a flower.

Some flowering vagina cookies will be nude for those that request that I not roll their porno cookie in powdered sugar.

The best thing about the Goodie Tray is that it speaks for itself.

The delicate, crispy, miniature, organic shapes assist the ladies who have a difficult time starting a conversation.

All the lady needs to do is grab a cookie and start licking. The flicking of the tongue is intuitive.

I noticed that each dancer had a unique lick pace-I assumed that she was licking my cookie at the speed that she liked to be stroked for pleasure.

The entire experience made a snowy afternoon more intriguing…

until we ran out of Vagina Cookies

The Cock and Ball Cookies were not as much fun.

Perhaps the men should lick those?
For now, it seems as though I’ve found a G spot.

Momma has finally figured out how to get the naughty dancers to do some real performance.

The new Mika Vagina dialogue was like sketchy word jazz. Only the vets knew exactly how and when to stop licking and add robust words that grabbed the customer’s imagination.

One girl exclaimed: I ate cooochie today for the first time!

A guy sitting on a bar stool said with a genuine grin : And we all watched!

The club atmosphere is better for everyone when the ladies put their creativity to use to express themselves sexually.

It is a team effort. Now buy a t shirt so that I can get some more Sugar to lightly dust my fat vagina cookie. If you purchase 5 items from the store leave your comment with this post and I will contact you and send you an autographed print of the above line drawing for FREE!

Click here to see what naughty things are in my store… ah here’s something fun from Soul Sacrifice

Play Dough

Hiya Cadettes

This is just a quick note before I get back into the Porno Cookie Kitchen

Now I am realizing that this post should be posted at www.foodconfession.wordpress.com

Or maybe that is where the pictures will be when it is all said and done.

Anyway, the Porno Cookies went over very well on Mannheim Road.

Everyone noticed me and my Goodie Tray (I wore the Naughty Nurse outfit with the red cross that spreads across my boobs).

All I needed to say was something suggestive to get the laughter going.

Today I am rolling my buttery cookie tits and cocks in choco powder.

Many people want to see a black ass with white cocks. I’m trying to make a name for myself so I’d better give exactly what they ask for!

I plan on taking more time this morning shaping the sexy edible sculptures, hopefully this time my landlord won’t be peeking over my shoulder.

I would like to keep the shapes simple so that Men subconsciously think of Picasso

As a matter of fact, I think I’ll look through one of Picasso’ books right now before baking.

I’ll keep you posted.

Fore Play with Graham English

Music deserves a closer look by all performers including Strippers. Recently Mystery Mika has explored Graham English a twittering, blogging, professional musician.

By the way he is a blond hottie with a great voice for podcasting.

LISTEN WATCH READ and much more at http://www.grahamenglish.net

Educate yourself by combing through Graham’s site. He provides links to podcasts that discuss theory, history and entertainment.

As Showgirl Cadettes who generally perform to pop music, it may help you to stand out and earn better tips if you actually can talk a little about real Music to your customers.

Graham’s links are the sort of hook ups that can lead a girl to higher places.

Did I mention that he is really Cute. Better looking than Bon Jovi? Flood him with Fan mail After learning something Ladies!

oops think I did say that already.

Dressing Unicorns scene 1

On Saturday morning she remembered her true love worked in a museum and that he was broke. She turned over in her bouncing, mattress bed freeing her feet from under Alfred-the mutt.

Alfred was full and exhausted from helping her raid the refrigerator at 3 am. Last night’s cheap mascara clumped her eyelids together cementing her face to the polyester pillowcase.

Struggling she reached for the telephone to call the babysitter.

HER: Hi, Sara? Good morning.

She attempted to sound pulled even there was a frog Prince stuck in her memory.

“Dramatics don’t take the place of sincerity of alertness, young Lady. The only man that enjoys an actress for a wife is too cheap to afford a Mistress.”

She shook off the scolding that her mother had drummed into her head during High School.

Sara: Morning? It’s 11:30. I expected that you would be here by now. Thought you said you’ll be here at 10am. You sound as if you are just waking up!

Her: Gosh, It’s after 11. I’m called as soon as I realized….

The babysitters’ controlled outrage dragged Her back into the present.

Sara: You know I have plans, I need to get groceries and make dinner for my husband.

Her: No problem, get the kids ready- I’ll be there right away.

Sara: the kids have been waiting and ready since 9:30am for you.

The line went dead. She pulled herself up straight with much resistance from her flesh. With the back of her hand, she whipped the drool from the cracks of her mouth. Along with the crust came the remains of Cherry Berry BlackVamp Lipstick that She wore on stage the night before.

Her: Gee Alfred, do you know where my flat boots are? I better not show up at Sara’s door looking too flashy- she’s already expecting 90 bucks for the overnight childcare.

Will She find some reasonable shoes to wear in broad daylight or will She run out of time and dress like a Hoochie Mama?

Tune in next time for the second episode of Dressing Unicorns. All Intellectual Rights reserved. This is brought to you by Chiara Young aka Mystery Mika for those of you who haven’t caught on by now. I love Soap Operas so much I decided to write my own!

Any Ideas what ‘Her’ name should be ?

Fear Itself

In the list of common fears, the fear of sexuality is a choking and paralyzing pain in the ass. Sex is scarier than the need to rename the 13th floor which is ‘missing’ in many hotels thanks to

Triskaidekaphobia (the fear of the number 13) which goes something like this- if you have 13 letters in your name, you will have  the devil’s luck or

if 13 people sit down for dinner together all will die within the year.  

Whether or not you are superstitious, fear can be responsible for some heart palpitations and some outbreak of hives. Some people are afraid of public speaking, getting fat, insects and going to the dentist. Others nearly pass out just by being in the dark or in a crowd.

Horror is something that popular culture seems to love to hate.

Le Manoir du Diable was our first hint of a vampire, spine creeping, horror film. It was directed by Georges Melies in 1896 and only ran 2 minutes but the fascination with being frightened to death has gained a life of its own.

People are afraid of all sorts of things: fears of failure, success, being judged, emotional pain, abandonment and rejection.

Hollywood has been making an avalanche of money off of fear.

The greatest, scariest movie moments was complied in October 2004 by Bravo. Here is a short list from www.filmsite.org/horrorfilms.html.

Bambi 1942- the scene where off camera Man kills Bambi’s mother. I was scarred for life by the shot fired.

Audition 1999, Jp

American Werewolf in London- the scene where he transforms into a werewolf

Army of Darkness 1972, Altered States 1980, Alien 1979, Battleship Potemkin 1925 USSR- scene where baby in carriage slips down staircase- later 1987 The Untouchables did it again!

I find those scenes to be absolutely dreadful. Once the seed is planted, I am constantly terrorized. I imagine losing my grip whenever strangers offers to help me descend stairs with my stroller.

Here’s a few more: The Birds 1963, The Black Cat 1934, The Brood 1979 ahh the list goes on. The movies are available for sale at that web address- they don’t give me any money so scroll up!

All I care about is making another Mika observation handy to all of my Cadettes.

If you are a stripper and you call yourself entertaining then you will make more money having something to talk about. More people will be interested in you and enjoy your company if you offer real entertainment. Real entertainment is deeper than juking.

ahh that sounds really bad.

SHOWGIRL Tip of the day: MEN LOVE TRIVIA!
If you don’t know anything take some time to learn some trivia. This a tried and true vet stripper trick and treat. Pick a subject ANY subject. Research the hell out of it. Search the Internet for Facts and Fiction related to that subject. Write each fact down and learn it. Practice throwing it around in conversation. Have your customers guess what is true or false. Watch their faces light up. Suddenly you are tons of fun and stand out from all the other dancers who just walk up and say: hi, you want a dance?

On a lighter note, my vampire story is collecting dust. I feel like I need to hurry and give it to the world before people are no longer captivated or alarmed by the madness that unsettles my heroine.

What terror of the unknown scratches at your vulnerabilities? How do you use Halloween to play the game of trick or treat?

Notoriously Halloween is a bad day to work in a strip bar unless the club is hosting a big costume bash- it s difficult to draw in a crowd. Most people are busy attending private parties, work parties, or taking their children on decorated neighborhoods tours.

Hopefully I’ll pull it together in time to post my little vampire story- this post was suppose to set the stage for a spooky story instead I started preaching… again
Please hold tight. Something horrific is in the works.

I feel a stiffness in my neck. I woke up exhausted as if I’d been out all night. Food is uninteresting to me… and the simple light from the computer screens burns my eyeball.