Dear Diary,
I am a two bit stripper and this entry is part of my stripper blog. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.
You know that you are getting someplace when you look around and you suddenly have a ton of haters. I’ve gotten more than a few hits from people looking to read a rant from a Diablo Cody hater.
Sorry that’s my girl! Mystery Mika has nothing but love for Diablo.
Gee wiz, Mystery Mika hasn’t even gotten a movie deal yet. Already a larger than life playa hater scene has exploded in my dressing room. It was almost a girl fight last night. My back was up against the mirror.
The competition does not like it when they can’t keep up.
The woman who was nipping at my mere existence was more than twice my size, ANGRY and intoxicated!
The only way I could possibly have won a fist fight with her is by wearing full battle gear and slapping her in a bob wire straight jacket.
‘Diana‘ no I can’t call her that because that was Wonder Woman’s name.
Mystery Mika loves Wonder Woman.
ok. let me call her, Ruby. No that’s my dog’s name- I don’t want to insult my pooch.
How does Houndstooth sound? That should will give you a good idea of how well she was able to weld her nasty charm and spit sucking grin. She had no empathy for the fact that I’d recently been to the dentist. Grown men don’t like the dentist.
check out this Comfortably Sedated Video- yet another youtube link
Her eyes became bulging sockets. A destructive icy blue tornado swirled. (oops, that was her idea of eye shadow)
It wanted to touch down on me. Envelope me and erase me. She was desperate to keep me off of the floor. She was furious at how her regulars peeked at me when she was attempting to get their undivided attention.
The scary part is that I am not exaggerating.
Houndstooth: ‘You suck Mika. f—K you Mika and your damn cookies.’
Mika: ummmmm, sounds like you are mad because you aren’t sucking me.
(I still thought she was joking)
Houndstooth: You’re old, Mika. Your body may be thin- but your face looks old. It’s sagging. Your face is sunken and old. Other people aren’t going to tell you that- but me, I’m you’re friend. I’ll tell you!
Mika: you’re not my friend and you might as well shut up because you can’t convince me of that.
She was shouting her words through barely opened yellow teeth.
I’ve never noticed what big teeth she has.
In Houndstooth defense, she is right to feel put off by me, I’ve never respected her work character. She is loud and pushy. Somehow people always KNOW when I’m only tolerating them. It always blows up in my face.
I’ve always tried be pleasant to her until that one day about six weeks ago when I had a toothache from dental work.
NOT ME but it is equally as gruesome:
I asked her to stop jumping (and being so loud) or leave the dressing room that is really a broom closet… so that people who were actually trying to get ready for the floor could do so.
Apparently she has been mad ever since.
Even though a few days after the ‘incident’ we talked about it. She had said that I’d hurt her feelings by asking her to leave. I did apologize and I explained that I’d had dental work done that day and the motrin hadn’t kicked in yet.
We were so close in the dressing room that I was afraid she was going to step on me.
Her toe nails long and discolored with chipped red nail polish on every other toe.
Some people are impossible to reason with. I’ve always suspected that about her nature. I’ve heard her bark at customers when disappointed by her tip.
Telling her that I didn’t want her to step on me did not make her feel any better.
I might as well of said that she was a like bull in a china shop.
She became very defensive and said that she wasn’t drunk and would not have stepped on me.
She never became rational. Instead she used ever bully strategy that she could think of.
Finally I shut up and let her rage off.
Two other ladies were in the dressing room- one was close enough to her size to knock her out. But I was seated on her lap. Eating a sandwich. The other was a bit smaller but did a good job of putting a bit a distance between me and her. Just so I’d had enough time to adjust for battle.
Mentally I was stuck on the fact that my hands were so greasy that I couldn’t imagine getting a firm grip on a glass or beer bottle.
I was trying to decide what part of my body was I going to sacrifice to defend myself. My legs were under the counter. Any movement might be taken as a first move. I didn’t want to start the fight by simply freeing up my legs.
The smaller one tried to hold her back as I sat calmly on the other’s ladies lap.
The only thing we could do is not show any fear.
My girlfriend whose lap I was on said- naw let her go. You can’t hold her back. If she wants to get over here- she’s coming. Let ‘ha’ come.
and then Houndstooth said: you better get her off your lap!
My girlfriend said: naw Mika ain’t going no where.My baby gonna stay right here. If you gonna do something, come on over here and do it.
I squinted my eyes as I starred her directly in her face and made my plan in case she actually decided to make good on her threats to slam me into the window.
My girlfriend said: ain’t even no window in here! You better go on.
That’s when Houndstooth started talking about my cookies and goodie tray.
Like a fool- I said: I ain’t never liked you.
She called me every bitch she could think of.
The fact that she could not read my body language or see the whites of my eyes made her uncertain of what I might have in my boot.
Stop squinting at me like you are looking at the Sun! Was the last thing that she said. It was awful. I was so shocked that she had gone off like that. So now I guess I gotta watch out for her.
That’s the sort of out burst a girl who gets a lot of attention has to be prepared for when working in a club. I’m sure it ain’t over. Damn.
Women can be vicious.
