Some parts of a woman are untamed and if left alone will grow thick like patches of over grown prairie along the highway. This one is for all the guys with hairy puss fetishes.
Timber and Tonic were mixing in the dressing room when I walked into Bobby’s Bar last night. Their laughter hit the cozy walls like spirits in a rock glass.
From the pitch of Tonic’s greeting, I could tell that the party had already started which meant it would be to my benefit to hurry up and get dressed… or undressed, however you look at it.
Once in the dressing room, I scurried to place my make up within reach. Determined to only take 2 songs to stuff my bush into my nylons, I kept my eyes down to send a silent signal to Timber and Tonic that I was in a hurry.
My first outfit for the evening was to be Lovers’ Lanes interpretation of Carnival. The peach bodice is embroidered with baby blue stars and purple hearts across the tit cups. The wave of color brings in the attention and the matching blue ribbons along the sides of the bodice make sure a man’s eye cascades down to where the wild things are.
‘Damn ammmmmmmmm, Mika! You got a hairy pussy exclaimed Tonic.
‘ Hold up. Step back, let me see said Timber.
I figured that it would be over faster if I just let the girls have their fun so I pulled my sweat pants all the way off and stood against the wall with all my parts on display.
Ohhhhhhhh, check you out, momma got a little mo ass and some titties. What size cup are you now?
‘Them mothers are a C, I can tell by just looking.’
Tonic answered for me.
Her question forced me to look at my reflection in the mirror. Honestly had not studied or measured anything in over a month.
The last time I’d taken time to look, my torso was about 5 different shades of brown. Elated that I had made it through another pregnancy without getting varicose veins or stretch marks, I decided to give my body more time before worrying about what the mirror had to say.
In the meantime, I figured why not just let the hair grow wild. My little number was so banged up after child birth, I welcomed any type of cushion available.
As the ladies raked their eyes over my hairy bush they continued to hoop and holler.
‘By the end of the night when my tits are full of milk, they are a solid C.’ I corrected.
As for my puss… My white man loves it like a jungle, bush woman look. When I finally bring this pussy off of vacation I should bite on a bone and say: Dinner is served!
‘Wait just a cotton pickin minute, did you say finally? You ain’t had sex yet?’
Her tone dragged and dropped like she had gotten hold to a country piece of gossip.
Timber stood in disbelief. Tonic had been trying on my fake Chanel sunglasses and now she peered over them with her drawn on eye brow raised like a skeptical professor.
‘That baby is how old? Six months? Naw, you can’t stand here and tell me that ain’t nothing foreign been inside yo pussy in six months! Your horny ass done done something freaky to yourself!’
‘A finger, a pickle, a dildo…. something foreign has been inside you by six months!’
With that Timber fell back against the wall with laughter.
‘Mika, Yo ass is just as human as the rest of us.’
Yes it is true I thought to myself. I don’t know who I’m trying to kid or why… furthermore I should have known better to go up against some vets with that holier- than- thou nose job.
Against the forest green dressing room wall, Timber’s mighty legs wrapped in tight denim, spread eagle to demonstrate how she pleasures herself daily with the help of the jets from her jacuzzi.
I watched as Timber let her head drop and mouth open as if she had reached orgasm. Her bottom lip quivered dramatically to drive her point home.
I was already coming down to earth when Tonic chimed in by slamming her stilettos against the cold stone floor, attempting to upstage Timber moans.
Unexpectedly I jumped as if prodded by a hot poker. The ladies had become a chorus of sex sounds and they broke me.
Okay okay. I threw my white paper up napkin. Yall are right. I dusted off my dildo 3 months ago.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… form there it was all throaty laughter.
Tonic is the kind of girl that loves to have the last word.
She said not me, I don’t need no funky vibrator… I got me a man that will do exactly as he is told as fast as if his finger is stuck in a light socket!
This morning I called him up and said: bring your ass over to my house, baby, I need for you to lick my witch until you burped!
With that Tonic broke the silence of the dressing room with a primitive belch that she commanded to rise from the depths of her plump gut.
Yesssssss mam, that’s what I’m talking about, sisters don’t play around. You best step up the game or don’t even start!
Don’t bring me no half baked shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Alright folks, I got to get ready for work. Until all of my entertained readers/ fans donate at least a couple of dollars to my paypal account, I must end this session of Anatomy of a Stripper.
Poor Butter must go to his kennel because he still pees all over the house when I leave.
Please hit my donate and support which is at the top of the front page so that I can have time to post more dressing room stories.
By the way, I changed the names to Timber and Tonic because this is almost how it all went down and I don’t need those big bitches mad at me for telling their masturbation stories.
Mika loves you.