DID, Perspective or Actress?

29 06 2007

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The jury is still out on whether or not I have a multiple personality disorder. I admit that I do have a bad memory but I don’t blackout. I’ve suffered a violent traumatic incident but I do remember every detail all too well. I do have several names for myself and my moods, but it is all very organized.

Honestly I get very freaked out when I start researching DYSFUNCTIONAL IDENTITY DISORDER or DID. I rather not think that I am sick. I like feeling as if I am very spontaneous and creative instead.

What brought on a blog post about DID in the mist of Stripper Summer School? Last night, I got an interesting comment from a customer about my blog.

‘Tim’ said that he was confused by the posts. He said that he felt like they were written by several different people and none of them sounded like the Mika that he has grown to fancy. He said that I sounded as if I could have been PMSing or something.

Okay. I will admit that I’ve been accused of having multiple personalities by some. I’ve never gone to the doctor and been diagnosed with the disorder.

At 12, when I was sent to therapy after being removed from my mother’s home, I kept my comments to my therapist short and sweet. I didn’t tell her what was really going on in my heart or head.

I thought it would be better that way. I was afraid of being sent to live in some facility instead of with my grandparents.

Now I just perform as a Showgirl, paint and write.

Being able to perceive what type of mood my mother was in kept me from getting my ass beat more. It wasn’t hard for her to get worked up. I use the same skill when working a crowd at the clubs. I can sense who is digging me.

If things got bad at home I would brace myself for what would surely follow- a beating or many many harsh words from my mother who I thought was so pretty.

So now I have this blog about being the best exotic entertainer possible. I apologize if I bounce around and seem to be writing in different voices. I am just attempting to deliver the information in the true voice that I have. I am not forcing myself to be consistent.

For some people it takes extra effort to dress up and do something new with their hair. For me, it takes extra energy to look and act the same.

I have not written enough to learn how to always read the same. I’m not sure that I have the energy left to pursue learning.

As an artist my job is to reflect the world in which I live.

My style may often change as well as the medium. It is all expression. Dance, painting, spoken word and costume design is all expression.

I encourage others to sing it out as well!

This is a blog and I expected that people would enjoy another part of Mika outside of the easy going massage chick who vibes with everybody effortlessly.

In real life it does take a bit of effort to look the same- day in and day out. Here at wordpress I’m giving the way I see it without all the makeup. This is the inside.


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