Crisis: Guys can’t get off, women can’t get paid!

21 07 2007

My ear is always to the grindstone, this morning I got a 900 call from a gentleman who just wanted to tell Mika about his $370 lost last night in a 24hr. massage parlor. He sounded as if his feelings were hurt from having his nut was stuck in his throat. Let’s call him Louie.

Sad Sap Louie: Mika, I can’t tell my boys, this will be something that I’ll keep secret for about a year before I tell anybody unless I tell you.

Sex has become so complicated by disease and the economy that all that action of the 90’s has died off. It only takes me a minute, to recognize the voice of a man who needs some lovin’.

Mika: alright honey, Momma is listening… what happen?

Sad Sap Louie: All I was trying to do was give my wife a break, I’ve been married for 20 years and I would like to be married for 20 more. She has been out performing herself lately working crazy hours, but I’m still horny so I went to a roadside massage parlor way, way out there in Who Knows Who County. I thought that I could find myself a little piece.

Weelll. I kept hoping and giving the girl a little bit more money and a little bit mo money. By the time I was out of cash all she had done was take off her clothes and rub some stinky baby oil all over me. She told me that I could release myself.

Mika: That’s sounds about right, a lot of those roadside joints are one hit wonders. There are probably some places tucked away that only truckers know about. Most are a set up. They aren’t interested in repeat business. They are looking for drive bys.

All the women are probably a mix of locals and foreigners. They don’t know you or where they are at. They may even be kidnapped.
Sad Sap Louie: You mean to tell me that for $370 a man can’t be sure to get a little fun

Mika : not unless you know somebody that works in a place that does all that jazz. Ain’t nobody got time to be catching diseases or going to jail besides all the money ain’t going to the girl.

She is being watched on camera, they see every dime you give her and everything you do. Guys that go there like to be teased and watched. Some of them probably don’t mind touching themselves with a camera on them. The ladies enjoy the security and that’s why they give over half of what they make to the house.

Sad Sap Louie: Oh. I wish that I would have known. I really wanted to get laid. Now I’ve spent all my play money and the month ain’t over yet.

All I wanted was a little party. My wife is done with me for the month too. I can’t afford to spend 1000 dollars on some outside stuff. My wife  already took that money.

Mika: Having sex is expensive. The need to have sex is worrisome.

Sad Sap Louie: Yes Mika, you know, I need to work 25 extra hours on my job to afford getting laid on the side once a month. My wife works, she ain’t got the time to be bothered with my needs every day.

Mika: You the kind of man that wants it everyday? Men don’t realize that having sex is traumatic for a woman’s body. Look at all these $25 dollar hoes out here. They are burnt up and they have gone numb.

Sad Sap Louie: I want it 3 times a day.

Mika: well next month buy up 30 pair of my boxer shorts  from my online shop.

Call me back and I will talk you through as to what to do next.

Who knows what crazy things you won’t mind doing to yourself once your buns are warmed by the glow from my sail boat action!



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