Mystery Mika:Dropped in the ghetto

5 08 2007


photo by Eric Nelson, Chicago

The funny thing about being young at heart and having a teenage son- we are always dueling, trying to out hip each other. It’s like playing cards for money. Only we are playing for that moment of glory: I know more than you.

Perhaps my methods are non conventional but I ain’t scart to drive a point home with a curse word.

Saturday night, he tried to out hip me with a new comedian- Dane Cook. Okay, he’s a funny little white boy. Jeans look classy on him. I really like his bit on women being mental terrorist. Son looked over at me choking with laughter-

“Is that true Mom?”

Somebody out there is just a shaking their heads going: ‘Mika, I thought you were down, Dane Cook ain’t new! Where have you been, Mika?’

I say, between a rock and a hard place- to the left of Skid row. Aside from that, I’m a nerd.

Saturday I got time off from working, it is home time, time to spend quality time with the children. The plan was to make brownies and mop the floor, maybe write a few monologues.

I try to check in with my family and friends on my days home. You know people who have been there for me along the way. Just a few minutes each- say about a half dozen phone calls, then go back to cleaning.

As fast as I clean, a dog throws up some bone meal or one of the kids gets a nose bleed.

The weather wasn’t hot enough to go to a water park so I put on a bright satin bra and pretended it was a bikini top.

I heard some Baybay kid yelling to his friend that he saw me at the window in a training bra swatting flies.

Actually, I was catching flies for my pet toads- but they were just trying to crack on how little my titties are compared to they mommas.

in between the dueling, cooking and cleaning – I tried to look at the children- search their light creamy, brown faces to see if they were alright being subjected to a Saturday afternoon on the west side of Chicago.

People were out. There was an electric slide party on every block. I had a hard time getting my kids to go out and walk the dogs.

The little one complains about the nicknames he’s been given by the other little street kids. Some call him ‘Buckwheat’ others call him ‘Colorful Socks’.

It is all my fault. I never sort socks. I wash them and throw them in a milk crate. I have been living among white people for so long, I forgot how much effort goes into being tidy and Black. So I tell the little one not to worry because the pretty girls still want to play with him.

‘yeah, because I don’t let nobody bother them.’ He says.

‘yeah right, big shot, you need to stay out of grown peoples business and let these little girl’s mommas take up for them. I add.

‘But, Mooooooom! They momma don’t do nothin when a guy looks like he’s about to go upside a girl’s head- the momma just keep on playing cards- she yelled at my friend, without looking up: ” If you don’t stop crying and fight back, I’m going to whip yo ass! Ya hear!”

That’s because these people play funny. I attempted to explain:

It don’t look like they playing to us because we really aren’t from around here.

You just stay out of it because the minute somebody looks like they about to go upside yo head- I’m going to be ready to fight for you.

On second thought, yall don’t need to go outside. Maybe it is best for you boys to just stay in the house and watch and listen to the festivities from the windows.

That’s when the older one tells me I’m a racist.

But I’m not. I’ve had it tough so you know it has made me a little rough. I come off antisocial. I just know where I am at.

Kids never believe their parents though. I can say something like: I don’t want you outside after dark because people out here change after dark. You need to understand that they get their first 40 oz. around 9am, by 8 o’clock PM- the guy done drank about 6 of the mother f***ks and he is CRAZY.

So I turned on YouTube and let Eddie Murphy tell it.

We sit up eating my slow cooked pot roast and watch clips of Eddie Murphy doing Delirious in his red, skin tight, leather pants.

I’m thinking: Eddie sho did had a nice ass back then.

My son is shocked that Eddie could sing and how funny he was back then.

I’ve studied all the jokes before so I spent most of the time looking at Eddie’s booty.
All these new funny men like Dave Chappelle and Dane Cook came after Eddie Murphy.

Mystery Mika is a big fan of raw in your face comedy. Some social issues are so sad that the first healing begins with laughter.

Artists and comedians are not doctors. We are just attempt to use our gifts as mirrors of society. It is up to us to make it interesting.

The other part of healing is eating right. Say NO to fake ass processed food and excess sugar.

Try this Chuck Roast Recipe

All of my meat comes from Whole Foods Market where I know that it is naturally raised without antibiotics and hormones.

Get the Value Buy Family pack, chuck steak, 3.99 a pound

which is cheaper because it is in the family pack.

In a slow cooker, Medium to Large Crock Pot put 2 boneless chuck roast steaks

1 yellow onion- chopped

4 cloves of organic garlic (whole)

2 tablespoons of butter, 1 tsp of sea salt, 2 tsp of basil, 2 tsp of oregano, six medium golden Cal- Organic Potatoes (5.99 per bag) cut into fourths

add filtered water about 1/2 inch covering meat and potatoes. That is about 3 cups depending on size of pot.

Cook on LOW for 6 hours.

About the 5th hour I cut all the meat up and add 2 cups of fresh baby carrots, 1 cup of frozen okra and 1 cup of frozen sweet peas. All 365 brand.

If you have specific meat questions all the butchers in the Whole Food meat department are helpful- however David Sutter at Peterson and Cicero is the best and most patient.

This is good eating, simple and healthy.

Remember that I am a nursing mom so I burn about 300 calories a day just by producing milk. My diet is rich to make healthy milk



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