RIDDLE: WHO enters from the back door, hangs out in the back of the house with other male neighbors and Sleeps in the basement?
ANSWER: Husbands under the stairs.
From what I hear (over cocktails at work) the back door Under the Stairs Husbandhood begins with a drop in communication lines between a man and a wife. This situation is more often occurring with couples over the age of 35.
Younger couples are finding ways to keep their lines of communication open with texting, emails, blogs etc.
Once upon a time- say 25 years ago, women depended on soap operas to encourage uncomfortable conversations. I remember my mother talking about All My Children’s, Erica Kane latest foils. The big mouth busy body she was talking to would argue or agree with the way that the cunning television vixen handled her multi layered dilemma.
There were many television shows that helped people learn how to talk to one and accept one another differences. Who can forget The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, and Dallas just to name a few. Perhaps that is where the trouble started.
Today instead of Soap Opera chat at the dinner table and around the water cooler- online communities such as SecondLife and WordPress are springing up and offering new ways to spill thoughts, challenges, desires and codes of behavior out into the public arena.
The blog is the ultimate journal. It is free syndication for real people. Once a person gets used to using a blog to document ideas and feelings- the rush is addictive. I wonder if participating in such communities make it any easier for shy people to share with someone standing right in front of them.
How much of what is written and sketched out on line will become an integral part of society? Will bars like Bobby’s add Internet access along with the live lingerie show girls? Such a thing would be cool with me because my blog is like a prop. I could benefit by teaching non users to set up profiles and comment on my articles.
The bottom line is everyday, blue collar men want something glamorous to fill their nights. We all want to live like rock stars. Many men over 35 have been married long enough for the honeymoon to be long over. When a man walks into a Gentleman’s Club he is looking for sexy companionship and entertainment.
The man is looking to forget his social mistakes and behavioral short comings. Many women would argue that it is bad for a husband to spend his personal allowance on decadent sexual gratification. Wives consider watching other women prance around in lingerie as bad as having intercourse. Therefore going to a girlie bar is considered decadent.
Many people are next to impossible to get along with. They are unhappy with themselves and even are hopeless to entertain. That doesn’t stop them for wanting to be with people deep down inside.
I had a husband once who loved my cooking but hated to compliment me on my cooking. I would prepare him a tasty colorful meal and all he could say was that it was ‘passable’. Even though I was very well provided for, after two years we divorced because my miserable shield could not hold up to his negativity. If we had had a basement, he probably would have been living in it.
For some reason, we sometimes have the most difficulty really talking to those people who are the closest to us. We become comfortable financially and guilty spiritually. Fear starts to control what we do not say. Silence becomes better than arguing. Couples begin to try to stay out of each others way- coexisting for the sake of the children.
A smile, a joke and someone pretty to serve a beer goes a long way. After all it is lonesome living in solitude under the stairs.