Take My Britches, if You Can

18 02 2008

The burning question:

Why bother trying to teach strippers anything?

It is true many strippers are hard headed, defensive, money hungry and looking for a fast buck. Most don’t get up before 3pm or take the time to read the newspaper. It is doubtful that they vote.

It is fair to say that many strippers hardly apply themselves to society in any other way other than being consumers.

Studies have shown that many non-stripping women stay in relationships because they can not afford to live on their own.

In the real job force women make .77 for every $1.00 earned by men

From my personal experience, the reverse is true among strippers- we can’t afford to be in relationships. Boyfriends are jealous or they don’t want to work. Some boyfriends attempt to live off of their stripper girlfriends.

This case scenario ‘boyfriend’ isn’t really a pimp (he doesn’t set her up with guys) he just never has any money towards the household. Now that’s a glass ceiling!

Many strippers want to lead normal lives but can’t under the stigma of their job.

It is a vicious cycle where the Entertainer/Stripper is stuck being a consumer. It becomes even more layers of consumerism if the Stripper has children to provide for.

Mika’s Showgirl School is the inexpensive, private, thought provoking way for an adult entertainer to opt out of the downward spiral program.

Let’s start by learning more about the dance that we do. More than any other trade, watching and listening to the performers that captured the limelight before us can add to our performances today.

If Mystery Mika ask 200 men who patronize strippers to name 4 classic pin up ladies and describe what made them famous- I’d bet my britches, the men who enjoy burlesque and or an occasional lap dance could easily rattle off a name and description.

On the other hand if I go to 75 beautiful Strippers, 75 Girls Gone Wild and 50 Hooter Girls (I’m willing to mix it up a bit- to even the odds)

If I ask them to name 4 famous burlesque performers or pin up girls- recent or retro- given a week- I bet they would forget about the assignment because they don’t care.

As of now most of my hits come from guys I who are searching for freaky sessions with their palms. I can tell by the keywords that led them to my blog that the hits didn’t come from my target audience.

words like licking, sucking, boobs, discipline, vagina, sex, sexy, how to,discipline, mistress, black, hairy, nude, naked, tall, Blondy, spank,big butt, pussy,drip,wet,shower

If you know a stripper, give her my url but remember the ol saying: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make the drink.


12 02 2008

Dearest Showgirl Cadettes,

There’s no business that I know like Show Business ! Get prepared by studying what has already been done.

Pardon Momma for giving out so much homework.

To read short biographies and see classic photographs of Hollywood Babes and Starlets CLICK the Bomb Shell link under my Blogroll to the right.

Once within the site, which is more like a museum of Sexy Kittens you can Search Bombshells. Start by typing in Mae West biography.

Don’t stop there! Check Rita Hayworth, Betty Grable, Veronica Lake, Lauren Bacall, Lana Turner, Linda Darnell, Hedy Lamarr, Joan Crawford,  Jane  Mansfield…

The list and the Legends’ long legs go on.

Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk, baby.

Play Dough

26 01 2008

Hiya Cadettes

This is just a quick note before I get back into the Porno Cookie Kitchen

Now I am realizing that this post should be posted at http://www.foodconfession.wordpress.com

Or maybe that is where the pictures will be when it is all said and done.

Anyway, the Porno Cookies went over very well on Mannheim Road.

Everyone noticed me and my Goodie Tray (I wore the Naughty Nurse outfit with the red cross that spreads across my boobs).

All I needed to say was something suggestive to get the laughter going.

Today I am rolling my buttery cookie tits and cocks in choco powder.

Many people want to see a black ass with white cocks. I’m trying to make a name for myself so I’d better give exactly what they ask for!

I plan on taking more time this morning shaping the sexy edible sculptures, hopefully this time my landlord won’t be peeking over my shoulder.

I would like to keep the shapes simple so that Men subconsciously think of Picasso

As a matter of fact, I think I’ll look through one of Picasso’ books right now before baking.

I’ll keep you posted.

Light’s Out on Twitter

15 12 2007


Already I’ve gotten some work done. As much as I scream about making money- I’d forgotten all about my http://www.cafepress.com/mysterymika101 Shop. Go check out my new pillow, mouse pad and mug!

I’ve heard that ass sells. Would you like a piece of mine?

Illusions, Interviews and Fang Face

3 11 2007


Question: How do you make money as a Stripper?

Mystery Mika: Can you sit with a placid poker bimbo face while starring into the eyes of a horned out man?

Horny men are impatient, jumpy and their hands are sometimes sweaty. Men who have gotten off recently but are insatiable are more calm. These men are having fun with the chase… but they do plan to catch you in the end.
My favorite men are the ones who are all talk because I am all talk.

Over the years I have attracted my regular customers that appreciate jokes, stories, art, holistic heath and dogs.

I remember the day that I became a dog person- I was performing as Naughty Nurse Mika at Scores Chicago. Introducing myself with a big smile…

He would say- well you are mighty happy tonight… and I would say… ah I just got the ugliest little dog. She’s the biggest mess, we are perfect for each other!

Believe it or not- my intro didn’t change all night. Occasionally I would get the wrong response to my intro like- ‘ah my dog just died or I’m allergic to dogs’

Your theme can be whatever you are interested in

In which case, I would offer a smooch and move on

The idea is to keep the conversation moving and make your way around to as many people as possible who have just arrived. Then make a second round and pick up the conversation where you left off… ‘ you know, this is my first dog since I was a teen… How many times should I walk this little runt?’

I find that most of the time by the end of the second question and response, the guy is ready for a dance- things moved pretty quick for me as Naughty Nurse Mika because I gave a heck of a back rub.

Remember Cadettes- if your product is good- there is no need for convincing- Good products sell themselves.

Now I am completely stepping out my Naughty Nurse Gimmick and into gathering new information. On cloud9artwork.wordpress.com I will interview people that I have always found helpful, interesting and self starters.

We will be applying our skills and marketing techniques to mainstream products, businesses and food.

In the end it is all about achieving a more peaceful America

The interview process is a very tricky situation. The idea is to get people to talk openly and informatively.

I study David Letterman, Conan, Matt Lauer, Oprah, Barbara Walters etc.

When the interview is the end result that you are presenting to the audience it is only a little different than when you are interviewing a person to make them like YOU and want to spend money with You.

Most of the time David Letterman is performing the interview- following the interview is a plug for a new book or movie. Over the recent years politicians have sat down with David Letterman because even they realize that the format opens doors for them to be more human.

It all comes down to information. If you are wearing a bikini in a room full of women also wearing a bikinis then you may stand out if…

you are the sexiest

your body is the most proportioned

your presence is magnetic

the color that you are wearing compliments your complexion

if when you open your mouth your voice matches your look

you know what to say

you can sense what to say to whom

After 182 posts about making money in the sex industry without having sex it really comes down to how well you as an entertainer can pull off the above list.

If you can’t do 5 or more very well or are too lazy- you will end up feeling bad about yourself or fucking to get the bills paid.

Intro to Music with Tommy Klein #2

25 10 2007

It is late morning and I am sipping on Green Jade tea and listening to Tommy Klein practice Waltz in G by Ferdinand Carulli. It is interesting to catch up with the old schoolers to see what and how they keep up with the flow in these ever changing times.

Keep in mind that Tommy is so occupied with his acoustic guitar that he doesn’t even know that I am interviewing him. We are just chatting. Later I say thanks for the interview!

His guitar is a nylon string, student model, Gracia guitar that he says isn’t really expensive but it has a sticker on the inside that tells where all the wood came from and that it was made in 1970.

Mika: How long have you been practicing today?

Tommy K: This morning, I got up and started around 4:30am because I couldn’t sleep.

We started out talking about Harry Belafonte, Miriam Makeba and Bobby Darin. My friend Dan had been playing Belafonte yesterday at Bite Cafe on his Ipod – my 10 month old, daughter loved it. Suddenly I want to know more about Harry Belafonte. I am asking every musician that I know about Harry.

Tommy K : Harry Belafonte is an activist- back in his day he was King of Calypso. It makes sense that a toddler would find his music ‘bouncable‘. Calypso is enjoyable because it is dynamic with surprising sounds.

Mika: I see a spectrum of color while listening to Harry

Tommy K: My mentor and teacher, Jack Cecchini played as part of the band for Harry Belafonte and Miriam Makeba. Jack played with Bobby Darin too. Bobby Darin supported and marched with Martin Luther King. You can say that those performers were pioneers when it came down to entertainers joining movements and demanding civil rights.

One night in the early 90’s, when I was still operating the Vic Theatre… Miriam Makeba and her band were playing… I went outside to have a look around and there was Jack Cecchini standing in line! I got him out of line, brought him inside and put him in a box.

I didn’t know he was coming because I hadn’t talked to him in a long time. Jack hadn’t talked to Miriam in a long time. Everyone had a blast.

You should try to interview Jack. I bet he has some show business stories for you. Back in their day, those musicians were cutting edge. Jack played with all of them and he always slept with the band and didn’t go along with the black/white this and that separation nonsense!

Mika: How did you meet Jack Ceccini?

Tommy K: When I was 17 years old, I had a music teacher on the south side of Chicago who I’d been taking lessons from- one day he took me aside and said- look Kid, I’ve taken you as far as I can take you. It is time you seek another Teacher. He recommended Jack Ceccini who had a little store that was managed by his wife, Eve.

Tommy K: I wanted to learn from the best, so I called the store and booked a lesson. The rest is history!

Mika: Why do you practice classical music if you are considered a Jazz musician?

Tommy K: Classical has good format and good technique it can be applied to modern jazz and rock. You want to have good technique even when you play electric guitar!

Mika: I have absolutely no idea of what good technique consists of but I love Along the Watch Tower by Jimi Hendrix.

Tommy K: All Along the Watchtower? That’s a Bob Dylan tune. Jimi Hendrix liked Bob Dylan a lot.

Mika: That surprises me. They seem so different- but then I know squat about music.

Tommy Klein gets up from the music stands and walks over to his Mac. I think he was trying to find Bob Dylan doing All Along the Watchtower but comes up with Dylan doing Like a Rolling Stone instead.

Tommy K: Jimi Hendrix did like a Rolling Stone too.

Mika: I think of Bob Dylan as a poet. I must admit that all these years of dancing-  I’ve only recently  started paying attention to who wrote the music that I dance to. DJ have been handling all that stuff. I’m too cheap to put money in the juke box- I just say play some Rock or R and B.

Tommy K: Bob Dylan is a  poet- he was saying something important to that generation when he wrote those songs… listen to the lyrics. Dylan has mass appeal.

Mika: What are you listening to lately?

Tommy K: Right now, I’m on this Opera’s Greatest Tenors kick. I made friends with this guy down the street- so happens he’s a accomplished, local, opera singer. He played me one of his recordings and he sounds just like Pavarotti- but then I don’t know much about opera. Anyway, we started this book exchange. I’m studying the history of opera and the greatest tenors. It’s cool. The funny thing is that I never like that kind of music before.

Mika: Why do you think that you were like that then and what caught your ear recently?

Tommy K: Well it is so organic. My neighbor has a collection of recordings and a Victrola. When he cranked up the album it was all scratchy and stuff but it sounded so ripe. I was taken aback. Back in those days the musicians had to get it right without sound studio technology.

Mika: Maybe you ran out of other styles and Opera is your last frontier.

Tommy K: Neeeh. As you get older, you get more open minded… Opera wasn’t my style… it’s an acquired taste- Guess now I am old enough to appreciate it.

Fun Sexy: Mika Sniffs the Tale of Diablo Cody

16 09 2007


Ex- Minneapolis stripper, Diablo Cody made it all the way onto David Letterman, Hollywood and the rights to turn her Pussy Ranch blog into a ‘mommyblog’. Go girl.

Mystery Mika ain’t gonna hate- I’m just gonna keep on writing and streaking with my little flint of the Lady Liberty’s torch.

The Big Dogs always want a Black Girl somewhere up there with them. Maybe through hard work and consistency, I can become that girl Black Girl/ Intellectual Stripper to get a book deal.

Hike up your skirt, curl into those pink fishnets, Salute with solidarity the most recent one of us who has made it off of Paradise Island.

See The Goddess Cody grip David Letterman with no hands! Tittiling…

Search Diablo Cody, the full interview on http://www.youtube.com. Breath taking!

Buy her book, Candy Girl, study her online writing at the Pussy Ranch, wait for the release of her movie- Juno.

Dave hammered her for 8:37 minutes with questions about Bed Dances, simulating intercourse, her husband, her book: Candy Girl a Year and a Life of an Unlikely Stripper.

Her comebacks were seamless,witty, punctual, rebellious!

Ahhh think I’m having a non forced orgasm. I can still feel the tongue of her man eating, magic lasso reaching into my Psyche, inviting my version of my naked truth.

If Diablo Cody knew that Mystery Mika existed, she would mud wrestle with me.

Together we would become Lyrical Honorary Mud Queens!

Go to Youtube.com. Fall in love with Diablo Cody. Misery loves company, I’ve already played it 10 times back to back.

I can smell her mane dyed dark almost black

She made me proud to be a Woman- a Young Goddess at that

Madam Cody wasn’t at all star- struck by his Republican Looking ass. David was so gracious toward her

Cody says to David Letterman without once freezing or drowning

1. My mother is still mortified.

2. I felt like a naked Margaret Meade

3. There’s nothing you can do to please a jaded strip club addict

4. The young enthusiastic guys are the best, I can just eat them alive!

Yes Yes Yes it can be done Cadettes! Get those Journals out and start writing. We all have a story to tell. We are strong. We are brave. We can have success without having sex.