That Foul Bastard strikes again!

3 03 2008

No one can get a Lady to take off her shirt as fast as Twitter’s Foulbastard. Who is this kid that says he is located where ever he wakes up?

When Foulbastard directly messaged me to participate in the first ever breasts of Twitter collage   I immediately directed him to my biography page to decide if my circa 1990 profile photo with erect nipples was what he was looking for. 

Social networking in itself is a mystery. What is this new tool of communication and how do we make it work for us? What do Twitters consider Work? How does Play factor in? What does social networking do for artists?

For one artists don’t need to hope and pray for a gallery to become interested in their work for exposure and feedback. Due to the Internet- it’s is anybody’s Gain Game.  

Well that depends on who ‘us’ is. Which category do you fall into? Are you someone stuck at home because you work from home? Perhaps you are ill and just want to keep your mind off of your next doctors’ visit.

No telling, whose who in the Twitter Breast Collage because Foulbastard trimmed off the faces.

If you are a twitter, you could be a tech geek looking for a group to test new software? Do you work for an ad agency- are you attempting to build revenue by directing readers to advertisements. Widget Masters want to know.

Whoever you are and what ever you do- Foulbastard ask you totake off your shirt and we happily did it. Now we are all celebrities!

Recently Snoop Dogg’s people created a Twitter account.

I don’t expect it to do very well because Snoop Dogg doesn’t follow anyone. The web link is to a boring fan site.

Twitters (me) that are into celebrities (foulbastard) want the inside scoop on being a celebrity not paparazzi. 

If we aren’t just looking for information from like minded people we are reaching for Cyber Stardom ourselves. Twitters have something to say. We aim for the tools to express ourselves. Some of us would like to generate income- but generating money is not what keeps us checking for updates from the toilet or in the mist of traffic.  

 Snoop Dogg doesn’t offer anything. Sorry Dogg, the site is so flat it doesn’t even offer an escape. 

Personally I only want to swap/trade Snoop Dogg next guest appearance on David Letterman for one of my signed Mika’s Crack Mugs. This seems highly unlikely since Snoop Dogg hasn’t even allowed for Direct Messages. 

There are many sites that revolve around only sex. Even though I can sometimes post mature subject matter or vocabulary- I can’t stand to see images of cocks and balls splashed in my face.

To me being sexy requirres class.

I have my standards. Foulbastard’s Twitter participates did a lovely breast job of being sensual. Breast are alluring and non-confrontational.

Foulbastard probably had his mind in the gutter when he conceived of the Twitter breast collage but his good heart overtook his other anatomy. The collage is so well done it could easily become a poster for Breast Health Awareness.

If I could pour Foulbastard in a mug- he would be just right. I want to see more collages. The frame is adorable and there seemed to be care taken in the placement of the images. This sort of balance is easier said than done.

Social networks like MySpace seems to attract the younger age group (teens and early 20’s) I’m dragging on myspace.

Twitter is nothing like that. Twitter is for the layered Pioneer Professional. In order to do well on Twitter and achieve a fair amount of followers you must have 3 or more of these traits: clever, inspirational, informative, tech advise, responsive, and above all you must make time to talk to a few of your followers. 

Foulbastard got his Boobie Beauty done by being all of the above and much more.

In conclusion mystery Mika gives Snoop Dogg and thumbs DOWN!

Twitter’s very own, man from the under ground, FoulBastard comes up with a fat thumbs up. Keep up the good work you smelly clown. kisses!

p.s. the views and opinion expressed here in this commentary are only that of Mystery Mika- no Twitters have been polled

Take My Britches, if You Can

18 02 2008

The burning question:

Why bother trying to teach strippers anything?

It is true many strippers are hard headed, defensive, money hungry and looking for a fast buck. Most don’t get up before 3pm or take the time to read the newspaper. It is doubtful that they vote.

It is fair to say that many strippers hardly apply themselves to society in any other way other than being consumers.

Studies have shown that many non-stripping women stay in relationships because they can not afford to live on their own.

In the real job force women make .77 for every $1.00 earned by men

From my personal experience, the reverse is true among strippers- we can’t afford to be in relationships. Boyfriends are jealous or they don’t want to work. Some boyfriends attempt to live off of their stripper girlfriends.

This case scenario ‘boyfriend’ isn’t really a pimp (he doesn’t set her up with guys) he just never has any money towards the household. Now that’s a glass ceiling!

Many strippers want to lead normal lives but can’t under the stigma of their job.

It is a vicious cycle where the Entertainer/Stripper is stuck being a consumer. It becomes even more layers of consumerism if the Stripper has children to provide for.

Mika’s Showgirl School is the inexpensive, private, thought provoking way for an adult entertainer to opt out of the downward spiral program.

Let’s start by learning more about the dance that we do. More than any other trade, watching and listening to the performers that captured the limelight before us can add to our performances today.

If Mystery Mika ask 200 men who patronize strippers to name 4 classic pin up ladies and describe what made them famous- I’d bet my britches, the men who enjoy burlesque and or an occasional lap dance could easily rattle off a name and description.

On the other hand if I go to 75 beautiful Strippers, 75 Girls Gone Wild and 50 Hooter Girls (I’m willing to mix it up a bit- to even the odds)

If I ask them to name 4 famous burlesque performers or pin up girls- recent or retro- given a week- I bet they would forget about the assignment because they don’t care.

As of now most of my hits come from guys I who are searching for freaky sessions with their palms. I can tell by the keywords that led them to my blog that the hits didn’t come from my target audience.

words like licking, sucking, boobs, discipline, vagina, sex, sexy, how to,discipline, mistress, black, hairy, nude, naked, tall, Blondy, spank,big butt, pussy,drip,wet,shower

If you know a stripper, give her my url but remember the ol saying: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make the drink.

90 Day Jane

13 02 2008


90dayJane died by being erased. Some people eat themselves to death.

R.I.P 90DayJane


Her sunken ego is survived by millions of doubtful and skeptical blogsphere pioneers.

Only the Powers that Be know for sure if there is a virus that lives on.

Some people fuck themselves to death.

Social Experiment? Art Reflection. Was Jane really a boy?


I hate you because you managed to get over 100,000 hits in just a few days. It is sick that the thought of suicide attracts so many flies like shit.

Some people work themselves to death. Other people just work in death traps.

Perhaps the people that clicked in were in pain and desperate to find company inside of Jane’s dressing gloom.

Because they are sad and really can’t help it

OR are young and don’t know any better

Regardless, bad Showgirl. Very BAD Showgirl!
R.I.P 90DayJane- rest in peace Jane.


Monster Blue

11 02 2008

Monster Blue

I swear sometimes I get up and I want to DELETE my entire blog. After reading post on content theft, I think back at the number of incoming links that I’ve discovered which had wrapped spamish text around my content and posted it alongside drug advertisements on their website.

In the beginning I as naive enough to think that these links were sending me readers! What a goof ball I am sometimes. Now that I know better- just like everything else I got that some motherfucka is trying to get for FREE… either pay me or kiss my sweet chocolate ass .

My open mind is for hire and I am more than willing to do a little custom word jazz for your website/ product if the price is right.

Tag You’re It

31 01 2008


The best part of playing in a dungeon is ? Having company!
Chicago is snowed in!

Mystery Mika is freaking out because it is difficult to get from point A to B in this weather! So I figured I’d stay out of fist fights by keeping busy and experiment with tags…

My sexy cartoons seem to be attracting tons of attention lately

so I figured I post some more for your amusement


Kisses to the real men out there that don’t mind shoveling a girl out.

The Girlfriend Experience

28 01 2008


My legs fell open when I saw exactly what had in mind.

The walls to my chest cavity expanded from the thought of following his orders to the letter.

Everything thing that Blue Verse says is exactly what I want to hear. His username alone puts my imagination to work on a romance novel. I am transcended into a stallion driven era where ink is used as the first correspondence between Lovers.

Yes Doves, ruffles, petticoats, corsets, black stocking, bath maids

and there are crude wooden tables to make love on.

Wheat berries grow high- ladies wait between the blades of grass for their sweet hearts.

If Blue Verse is actually successful with me (explaining the tricks of the trade to making money from blogging on the Internet) Mystery Mika will have enough resources to write that timeless romantic story!

Follow us in Twitterland where Life, Dreams and Ideas collide!

Patron Stripper Saint Diablo Cody

24 01 2008


Ten years ago there was no such thing as a known stripper/ screenplay writer. No one had delivered themselves as:’ I was once a stripper’ to the world.

Most of my attempts of performing monologues as a stripper were received by mixed gender audiences as too risque when offered as non fiction.

On average housewives didn’t use to (in any way shape or form) emotional support women who basically make their income off of roaming, partying husbands.

I doubt if that has completely changed however- Today’s Strippers are seen more as women taking care of their financial needs than deadly vamps.

Diablo Cody has opened the door for other women in the industry by producing a screenplay that demonstrates how well a nice piece of ass can tell a story.

Strippers have a unique perspective on culture and human nature.

We see people naked without their masks tied everyday… all day. As women Strippers stare at each other and publicly touch each other’s boobs. We are different than ordinary women in so many ways.

The Strip dance can be a choking black ribbon or endless wave that permeates the imagination with the confession: I’m a Stripper.

Sometimes we don’t even know if God Loves us.

Well… until Diablo Cody. She gives us all hope that with talent and dedication- we can truthfully stand tall and earn positive feedback.

Who Get’s the Nut is proud to present Ms. Diablo Cody a bejeweled crown of bacon and Voges chocolate.

Diablo is the Patron Saint of Strippers and should be recognized for awaking audiences to the creative intellectual voice once squashed by supposed decency.

May Diablo Cody’s reign in Hollywood be glamorous, eventful, majestic, revealing and inspiring to other women in the sex industry who have enough guts to type what’s on their minds after a night of grinding and smiling for dirty ole men.

So here’s to ya Diablo Cody a big Red Carpet (((((((((((((wave)))))))))))))

Mystery Mika speaks for all of the stiletto stuffed mini skirts on Mannheim Rd. We strut our sexy at the elite Scores Chicago, One Step Beyond, The Playpen, Bobby’s Bar, and All Stars.

We haven’t made it off the strip and are so amorous of Diablo who is a real life Pretty Woman. We are  Proud of you and Oscar nominated Juno.

Thanks so much for going all the way Baby!

To think it all started with a bubbling blog called The Pussy Ranch.