The Big Pink Slip LOL Cat Icanhascheezburger!

13 10 2008

The first thing I wanted to know when I started my blog was who in the Hell are these Icanhascheezburger people. When I first started my blog, the lol cat was always on the first page at wordpress. I was pondering why so many people comment on their kitten photos! It took a while before I realized that readers were able to add their own pics. Actually I know that this is now the case as Icanhascheezburger has since moved to their own domain. They allow for you to make your own funny kitten picture and have currently branched into funny ferrets photos too. Ahh the simple life of sharing on the internet!

Today while searching for an answer about changing the dimensions of a video I ran across this ICANHASCHEEZBURGER video with Ben Huh. It is weird that there are so many Hatah comments following the video since we all know the development has been a huge success.

There’s a huge gap between what we know and what we need to know to stay afloat during these tough economic times. The city of Chicago recently gave out about 250 pink slips on city jobs. There had been

an ongoing myth that if you were lucky enough to get City Employment your job would be safe and always secure. Not true. All jobs are at risk. Except people who love making cat jokes at Icanhascheezeburger!

Everyone wishes that the could think of some great idea that would drive traffic to their website.

Since really dumb things seem to get tons of traffic on the internet- here is a very silly video of Mystery Mika in a tight pink slip listening to a geek on the internet talk about his success. I am eating a very hot pepper and just being the miltf next door.

Mystery Mika has been very busy over at Pantyhaven attempting to upload at least 2 real videos a week. The work load has run me into the ground. Perhaps I’ve lost part of my mind and needed to just let my hair get tangled. All alone, I am constantly sorting material and trying to keep up the demands of being an internet hottie.

Several times I have run into tech problems because I really don’t know a damn thing about computers or dealing with video files.

For me twitter has been a life jacket in a sea of blood thirsty alligators. Everyone wants a blow job for any help that they can offer me- except my twitter followers. Unfortunately that is not a figure of speech!

If it were not for the geeks at Twitterverse I’d would have given up my dreams of directing and uploading entertainment a long time ago. Mystery Mika is living proof that if you type around a geek somewhere will be happy to answer a technical question without expecting oral manipulation afterwards.

What can I say? The internet has ruined it for the pimps!





Moments from Anarchy #1

8 08 2008

I received this email yesterday from a ‘slave’.

Dear Mistress Paris,

I am forever in your debt as it is, Your beauty and presence alone gives me an ache in my loins that runs several souls deep but I dare to bother you with this request anyhow.

Will you please take a bubble bath in your pantyhose and post it on your Pantyhose Haven website.

Today I joined the ranks of many Americans who recently began their ‘unemployment endentureship’. I lost my job today. I can no longer afford my wife or my mortgage. I can live with that but what I can’t live with is no longer being able to afford you. If there is any hope what so ever that you may find a use for a jobless pantyhose slob like myself – I would do anything to be in your graces again.

God be with me.

I am staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

I’ve considered tampering with my brake line at least then as I go over the bridge my wife could get insurance but that would not do you any good.

Mistress please, give me hope

I am a mere Brooklyn Beast with a fetish for your Epic Black Hole

Stroke your long strong legs with coffee nylons and rub them with soap. Dedicate it to me and my hardship. Please take a bath and commit me as your drowning victim.

One last thing, Mistress release me- it is the best way to end it… I am within the clutches of the Noddy Princess J- You can negotiate for my body parts later. For now, I can work for my boss under the table for cash

She uses her teeth too much and I’ll have to hide her phone but she’ll buy me drinks.

In the cruelest way possible she told me that she would never sign another check. Everything that was happening was my fault… Sales are down because of me. People don’t come in as often for meat because my cases aren’t a good display. I’m worthless and should never had been making 28 dollars an hour in the first place!

I deserve my fate. My wife should leave me and I should loose my house. I only gave that job 16 years.

At 44 what can I do put pull the trigger

unless you have mercy on me-Dear Mistress

Sincerely Slave John





The Official Gay Pimp

3 08 2008

There are many many many men in strip bars that I’ve had the pleasure of over hearing Broke Back Mountain Jokes from. Listening to men hang out with each other has changed my opinion- not only on how men think, but how they feel.

I don’t get the feeling that straight men are as homophobic as they act around their girlfriends or wives. I think they just act that way to make their female partners feel secure.

Men like to tease each other about Sex. Unlike grown women, Men like being with each other.

Fact, I hear far more men on men jokes than I hear guy on girl jokes. Maybe there are equal amounts of wise cracks aimed at both sexes but the guy to guy sex jokes stand out more. It could be that I have been dancing so long that I’ve become numb to things said in reference to men having sex with a woman…

It could be that men who go to strip bars are just a different breed.

I’m not saying that all men are sorta gay in a way but it does seem to me that every since that Broke Back movie came out- men have gotten more comfortable making jokes about giving some love to their male friends.

Men hug more. Men around me kiss each other on the neck more often.

In spite of the war, Maybe America is becoming a gentler nation.

I think Jonny McGovern should run for office… He can sing like Elvis if he wants to.

Mystery Mika would know, we performed together at Surf Reality on the Lower East side of New York almost a decade ago. Personally I really enjoy his singing voice. I probably would have dated him on that harmony skill alone- if he wasn’t so gay. Here wait let Jonny sing it to you- he’s a fuc@%&! Genuis. Showgirls, Songwriters, Singers can you touch this? Watch it and Praise. Kiss the ground He walks on for setting you straight about Men.

ah here’s some more of Jonny McGovern, this time with a little attitude. He was taking it easy in the first few videos.

See what happens when I write allllllllll night. I find something in my  memories you can feel.

Now go buy one of my damn t shirts by Soul Sacrifice. Get something for the Dog in your House while you’re at IT

Cafe Press





The Ultimate Trick Daddy or the Pioneer of the Modern Poster

12 07 2008

Thunder had come and gone unnoticed. The crowd was thick and streamed inside without a break. Women wiggled and clanked rock glasses in the misty folds of the party atmosphere. Jack Daniels, Hennessy and Tequila were a plenty for their disposal.

Sally was so cute in her pink fishnets. My adoration for her could keep me up all night painting if I didn’t have bills to pay.

The men where relieved to be in the friendly confines. They toasted and boosted as they tossed off another difficult week.

Nothing has changed in Chicago- more lay offs and the cost of fuel still climbing higher, leaves every class wondering how bad it’s gonna get.

Location changes but History keeps repeating itself.

Moments in life can be a symphony of occurrences until a tinker bell comes along and turns it into a movement. Henri Toulouse Lautrec achieved exactly that by using the risque Entertainer as his muse.

Watch this video to see where Mystery Mika draws inspiration.

Mannheim Road off of the Eisenhower Expressway near Chicago is about as close as you will get to Paris 1890.

Hopefully my upcoming poster art will make you want to come have a beer at Bobby’s Bar!





Second Skin

25 06 2008

Dungeons have many items for severity. When I swung a whip for a living my favorite matter of bondage was the Pantyhose. I thought it was sexy to peel off my second skin and use it to restrain my slave. This is why I’ve chosen to use everything Pantyhose as my first Mystery Mika fetish focal point.

With this Pantyhose Fetish lesson, Cadettes, you will embark upon the wild spectrum of how far a Mistress can develop a Pantyhose Fetish. We will study the light pantyhose slave, the Love pantyhose slave and the severe punishable pantyhose slave over this summer of 2008!

Upcoming we have a Pantyhose video from one of my Favorite youtube.com Pantyhose Priestesses- Penelope Pantyhose. In her videos she is normal, matter of fact which is very much in line with the core of a fetish like Pantyhose. Basically Penelope could be any woman. Her makeup isn’t dramatic and her hair isn’t rock star. She is desirable because she could easily be in the office cubical right next door to you wearing her silky second skin that hugs her tender thigh.

Pantyhose Slavery isn’t about whips and chains. This nylon fetish is all about Presence and texture.

Unlike many other fetishes, Pantyhose are very accessible. Many women wear them on a daily basis which means that men who get off on pantyhose have their fantasy present at most times throughout their day. This is a great insight to the Pantyhose slave.





High Class Broad

22 06 2008

Here’s something nasty: Now that the economy in America is so bad, Stripper Money ain’t dirty. Odds are, if your mortgage payment smells like a cock fight- your lender is very delighted to get it. Not that The Bank ever cared where you pulled the wad of cash from. Now his smile is obvious as you stroll away in your tight skirt.

In America people are losing jobs across the board or are having to take $5- $10 an hour pay cuts . Men are still horny with less money to spend. Experts say that women who are unable to spa and pamper themselves- buy more lipstick like a cheap fix when the economy is bad. What affect will the crashing American economy have on strippers and the price of a decent lap dance? Let’s keep it real red neck…

Mystery Mika predicts #1: that with rising gas prices and cost of business air travel, there will be more tricking off in the upcoming months in an effort to ‘save’ money.

Men are going to be seeking more bang for the buck. I’ve noticed that the strip club guests expect a little slack and understanding from their entertainers.

Dancers in their early 20’s have very little adult experience. In their spare time they don’t keep up with the news or political broadcasts that argue hot topics such as whether or not to drill in the wildlife refuge. These same women are strutting the club (all dolled up) complaining about how slow and tight the crowd is.

Every night I find myself asking them: Do you see how much fuel is today? Two days ago it was $4.14/ gallon. Last night near Midway Airport, I paid $4.45/gallon. It is as if these ladies haven’t heard of the domino effect. Many dancers just think that World Affairs don’t pertain to them because they expect men to want to consume sex whether or not they can afford the lifestyle. I got news for you doll face- it ain’t happening! Men are not that irresponsible.

Hard working men are devastated by losing what they considered stable jobs. Many of the career men that have been cut from their jobs never expected that they would be staring at an unemployment check or taking a $6.00 an hour pay cut.

Turns out the more stressed out a man feels the more he fantasizes about a woman’s distracting beauty and his personal needs. In the end if he isn’t greeted with understanding, the customer may choose to stay home. Period!

Mystery Mika #2 Prediction:Fetish Behavior will be in higher demand due to the lost in funds men will be forced to find little triggers that wet their appetite senses- besides they don’t have the funds to play as often.

As for women going all the way in hopes that sex will generate more money- unless this is something that you’ve trained for- it ‘s not going to be worth it. Don’t get lazy or scared. Dance more shifts but pace yourself so that you don’t get exhausted.

This is the worst time in the world to Start being a whore.That’s not anything new- there’s probably never a good time to start being a whore. Stick to being yourself. Try becoming a better listener before you offer more services.

If you are thinking about taking a guy up on his offer because yo money ain’t right. Realize this going into the cheap hotel: Guys want the Girlfriend Experience without the foreplay or condom. This is not a romance the guy is not looking for LOVE. He is a trick and he wants to trick off! He’s not going to be your friend afterwards and he doesn’t belong to you because he paid you for sex. The next time he sees you at the club even though you may have tried to put something on him- he may be Finished with you. Nothing personal but just dancing with you ain’t that exciting anymore.

The all around lack of money has forced everyone into the hunt. We have slipped into Prey drive like a pack of starving wolves. It is really sad.

So what can be done to pick up the slack and save money? Team up. Pass off good customers to ladies that are MVP’s on your team. Keep dead weight off your teams. Be respectful. Be firm. Stand your ground. Manage the money that you make by paying your bills first. Always be grateful and gracious at the end of a dance. Last but not least don’t playa hate on me because I know the game. Keep your game fresh and do you.

Carpooling to work is also very helpful but needs to be done with severe caution. Ride with people that you know well. When you invite someone to ride with you – understand that you invite in possible trouble.

Often a person ‘changes’ once the outside air hits them. Big drinkers are prone to slipping into cars with open beer bottles and short glasses of mixed drinks. Open alcohol in the vehicle will be trouble for the driver if you are pulled over.

As a rule dancers are very dramatic and temper-mental. I don’t suggest carpooling if you can’t deal with mood swings. Some women’s emotions don’t have a clock or cut off switch. I’ve seen women hysterically crying after a bad night of not making enough money. Others call and argue with their boyfriends during the entire ride.

If you are the one being driven. Make sure the driver isn’t drinking etc. It would be a pain if you got stranded without the keys miles from home with someone to high to tell you were they live. Again! Only car pool with dancers that you know very well. Never leave your money in the car with your passengers- you might get alllllllllllllll Jacked UP!





Where did my love go?

25 05 2008

Hi ya Cadettes, it’s me Mystery Mika and I’m typing in my sleep. Visions of stilettos stomping on compost blazing in my mind. Just realized that I did a terrible job at spell checking my last post at http://www.wondergeek.wordpress.com and I am having trouble viewing the theme on that blog correctly.

WordPress Support is closed etc. Housekeeping really sucks at the worst time because I just asked Diablo Cody to read my stuff. Whatever. I really wish things ran better. Above all, I wish that I were more of a tech geek so that when I think of something I can just do it myself!

Don’t get me wrong, WordPress still rocks which is why http://www.mysterymika.com is a portal to my different wordpress blogs. All the template choices are fantastic to keep the site engaging. My audience bores easily. mmmmmmmmmmm.

The Dominican Hair Salon has been doing a great job at keeping my hair helmet looking good and flowing naturally in the wind. (Nuri has a few tracks sewn in the back of my head). Roll me Up and Love Me is the latest follow up on the Santo Domingo Hair Salon in Chicago. To see my hairdresser’s cute pup check out that post- there are doggy pictures!

Nuri is a real sweetheart and good sport. I enjoy starring her in the video shorts posted on youtube about the Dominican style. Everyday her English gets better but I think having a translator adds texture to the videos. Everything Nuri is on the rise. The last time that I visited the Salon, the walls had a fresh warm tropical glow. Yeah team.

My look right now is Cowgirl with a straw hat. (perfect for walking my pack of dogs) The closets have been turned inside out to surface all the cool western motif clothing that I’ve collected in the past 4 years. Guess I miss my dad ( currently unavailable).

My stylist, Nuri is concerned about the condition of my real hair because I don’t pop into the salon enough for maintenance. no TIME.

I’ve been super busy with the http://www.youtube.com/mysterymika channel. Can’t go back as tired as I am- I’ll just unspell stuff or goof and erase the entire thing!

Mystery Mika is so inspired to keep the 19 hour work days going after just having a few minutes to actually talk to Diablo Cody. I really believe in the Showgirl School and the idea of hard work that I just keep it up until something happens that will make it bigger and better. The goal is to show showgirls working the stage what a little focused effort will do… but first I need to do it. I have no idea what can happen or if Diablo will ever call me again. I’m sure she is very busy with work of her own in Hollywood.

Honestly I was getting tired before I spoke to her. It seems like the cough is coming back. Sarcoidoisis BE GONE! I am exhausted and I thought about quitting. After all I’m not Cinderella or Pretty Woman. Fairy tales are for children, right? until I got a wish… to talk to her. One of us who made it. So ladies the Fates threw me a bone or two.

Lately I’ve been reconnecting with influential people from my past like Ben Stokes of Dimensional Holofonic Sound.

After watching Ben Stokes tech-out the Meat Beat Manifesto Show and chatting with the Dessert Vixen the other night at the Abby- my mind is in video short mode.

Naw, I’m not really changing my stripes just adding value to the hues.

So Cadettes you might not be seeing as many Showgirl School posts because currently Mystery Mika is taking time to build up the other blogs. Once I have at least 25 post on the new blogs, I will turn my attention to choosing banner ads for http://www.mysterymika.com

Video gets a big response. People enjoy video story telling. Now days youtube makes it accessible to everyone.

We have mysteries up the butt hole unraveling on my http://www.youtube.com/mysterymika channel.

Other than giving you my own images through video- I have been able to search and place many of the people that I admire side by side.

I have them all collected and thumb nailed neatly in my Favorites on my youtube channel.

Thus far the only trouble is that it takes a long time to upload 9 minute videos. I end up setting it and going out.

So in a nut shell Cadettes, Mystery Mika still loves you but I don’t want to undo my reputation by writing bad lessons. I can only focus on a dozen things at a time

Stay out of trouble, Ladies and follow the mystery on youtube!

Kisses