Pole Tricks Everywhere

19 02 2008

If calling myself Pornography drives readers to Stumbleupon my site- then by all means call me pornography. Where else can Mystery Mika be slipped into a category?

‘Post Sex Education’ as a term hasn’t really been coined yet.

As long as I don’t end up being questioned by the police- guess things are alright.

When Elvis started with his leg shaking and pole tricks he was censored because parents didn’t like the idea of their teenage daughters fainting

Personally I don’t care who he ‘stole’ his moves from. Elvis was jamming like a ‘mo fo

Elvis makes pumping trash look so easy!

Where do Strippers really fall on the food chain? I posed this question this morning to my twitter followers.

A nice lady responded: Strippers fall right below exotic/pole dancers and right above prostitutes.

The main idea seems to be that strippers come in above prostitutes for people who don’t find what Strippers do amazing or involving skill.

As far as being Entertainers, what do most people classify Stripping as? Who is brave enough or desperate enough to do it?

It really depends on who you ask. Stripping is the topic of many hip hop songs.

Check out these Pole lite Girls from Manhattan, New York. Gosh, I will I’d thought of this!

I would bet my right Ugg boot, that the majority would say that stripping is cheap entertainment.

There is of plenty sexy stuff in our mist to have conversations about but most people are too tongue tied.

For the most part, it is good for business that the mainstream can’t get away from being shy when it comes to talking about sex.

If you have never gone to a Gentlemens’ club, then you have no idea of what a pole trick really looks like on stage. Maybe we should just keep it that way.

The women seem wicked. All poke yo booty stuff gets lumped into the same category.

I am completely surprised that Victoria Secrets catalogs make it out in regular mail without having to be sealed in plastic.

Who am I to upset this delicate balance that keeps our society sneaking around and feeling guilty?





Frances dear didn’t know she was a hot sex kitten

19 02 2008

Annie like lollipops

Anise lollipops

Anne’s anise lollipops

Give her kisses an anise flavor

When her tongue lies only on the short stick.

She takes her legs to her body (to run off)

and goes back to the drugstore

For a few pennies

Anne gets her anise lollipops

They have the color of her big eyes

The color of happy days.

When the anise flavored barley sugar

Sinks in Annie’s throat

She is in Heaven

This is the only translation that I was able to find on the Internet. All my French friends are still sleeping.

Thanks to youtube member BEKERIANO I can offer this black and white video link of Frances Gall performing Les Sucettes.

Wait til you see the head on the thing she is stroking in her lap!

Research leads me to believe that at the tender age of 18, Frances didn’t understand the hidden meaning of the lyrics that she was singing. Wikipedia says that she hid for weeks after finding out what men were thinking as she sang the innocent song.

Well later in life Frances Gall got more control over her career and sang this hit song to the Blues legend Ella Fitzgerald. The video in the background leads me to think that she was paying homage to the African American strife going on in America  at the time.

My French is terrible. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.





Girl Fight!

18 02 2008

In the past when the kid gloves came off there was nothing left but nylons and garter belts.

Betty Page captured the hearts of many in her signature black sheer pantie hose, patent leather pumps, stylish bangs. Her milk white skin was a unforgettable contrast to the way she glammed up for the camera.

Here’s a rare television interview with Betty Page. (Mystery Mika loves you, youtube.)

Betty Page wore black and never made it easy for her co stars to hog tie her.

Here’s Betty Page putting up a fight.

Should women really be pulling each others hair to entertain men?

Girl Fight!

It pretty much comes down to compensation.

If you are treated well and get paid well then it is okay.

If you are forced to do things that you don’t want to do and don’t get paid then it feels very bad.

In any business there are people trying constantly to get the upper hand.

Most people consider themselves smart when they see a profit.





Some Mother sulking BITCH

16 02 2008

Dear Diary,

I am a two bit stripper and this entry is part of my stripper blog. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.

You know that you are getting someplace when you look around and you suddenly have a ton of haters. I’ve gotten more than a few hits from people looking to read a rant from a Diablo Cody hater.

Sorry that’s my girl! Mystery Mika has nothing but love for Diablo.

Gee wiz, Mystery Mika hasn’t even gotten a movie deal yet. Already a larger than life playa hater scene has exploded in my dressing room. It was almost a girl fight last night. My back was up against the mirror.

The competition does not like it when they can’t keep up.

The woman who was nipping at my mere existence was more than twice my size, ANGRY and intoxicated!

The only way I could possibly have won a fist fight with her is by wearing full battle gear and slapping her in a bob wire straight jacket.

Diana‘ no I can’t call her that because that was Wonder Woman’s name.

Mystery Mika loves Wonder Woman.

ok. let me call her, Ruby. No that’s my dog’s name- I don’t want to insult my pooch.

How does Houndstooth sound? That should will give you a good idea of how well she was able to weld her nasty charm and spit sucking grin. She had no empathy for the fact that I’d recently been to the dentist. Grown men don’t like the dentist.

check out this Comfortably Sedated Video- yet another youtube link

Her eyes became bulging sockets. A destructive icy blue tornado swirled. (oops, that was her idea of eye shadow)

It wanted to touch down on me. Envelope me and erase me. She was desperate to keep me off of the floor. She was furious at how her regulars peeked at me when she was attempting to get their undivided attention.

The scary part is that I am not exaggerating.

Houndstooth: ‘You suck Mika. f—K you Mika and your damn cookies.’

Mika: ummmmm, sounds like you are mad because you aren’t sucking me.

(I still thought she was joking)

Houndstooth: You’re old, Mika. Your body may be thin- but your face looks old. It’s sagging. Your face is sunken and old. Other people aren’t going to tell you that- but me, I’m you’re friend. I’ll tell you!

Mika: you’re not my friend and you might as well shut up because you can’t convince me of that.

She was shouting her words through barely opened yellow teeth.

I’ve never noticed what big teeth she has.

In Houndstooth defense, she is right to feel put off by me, I’ve never respected her work character. She is loud and pushy. Somehow people always KNOW when I’m only tolerating them. It always blows up in my face.

I’ve always tried be pleasant to her until that one day about six weeks ago when I had a toothache from dental work.

NOT ME but it is equally as gruesome:

I asked her to stop jumping (and being so loud) or leave the dressing room that is really a broom closet… so that people who were actually trying to get ready for the floor could do so.

Apparently she has been mad ever since.

Even though a few days after the ‘incident’ we talked about it. She had said that I’d hurt her feelings by asking her to leave. I did apologize and I explained that I’d had dental work done that day and the motrin hadn’t kicked in yet.

We were so close in the dressing room that I was afraid she was going to step on me.

Her toe nails long and discolored with chipped red nail polish on every other toe.

Some people are impossible to reason with. I’ve always suspected that about her nature. I’ve heard her bark at customers when disappointed by her tip.

Telling her that I didn’t want her to step on me did not make her feel any better.

I might as well of said that she was a like bull in a china shop.

She became very defensive and said that she wasn’t drunk and would not have stepped on me.

She never became rational. Instead she used ever bully strategy that she could think of.

Finally I shut up and let her rage off.

Two other ladies were in the dressing room- one was close enough to her size to knock her out. But I was seated on her lap. Eating a sandwich. The other was a bit smaller but did a good job of putting a bit a distance between me and her. Just so I’d had enough time to adjust for battle.

Mentally I was stuck on the fact that my hands were so greasy that I couldn’t imagine getting a firm grip on a glass or beer bottle.

I was trying to decide what part of my body was I going to sacrifice to defend myself. My legs were under the counter. Any movement might be taken as a first move. I didn’t want to start the fight by simply freeing up my legs.

The smaller one tried to hold her back as I sat calmly on the other’s ladies lap.

The only thing we could do is not show any fear.

My girlfriend whose lap I was on said- naw let her go. You can’t hold her back. If she wants to get over here- she’s coming. Let ‘ha’ come.

and then Houndstooth said: you better get her off your lap!

My girlfriend said: naw Mika ain’t going no where.My baby gonna stay right here. If you gonna do something, come on over here and do it.

I squinted my eyes as I starred her directly in her face and made my plan in case she actually decided to make good on her threats to slam me into the window.

My girlfriend said: ain’t even no window in here! You better go on.

That’s when Houndstooth started talking about my cookies and goodie tray.

Like a fool- I said: I ain’t never liked you.

She called me every bitch she could think of.

The fact that she could not read my body language or see the whites of my eyes made her uncertain of what I might have in my boot.

Stop squinting at me like you are looking at the Sun! Was the last thing that she said. It was awful. I was so shocked that she had gone off like that. So now I guess I gotta watch out for her.

That’s the sort of out burst a girl who gets a lot of attention has to be prepared for when working in a club. I’m sure it ain’t over. Damn.

Women can be vicious.





Play Dough

26 01 2008

Hiya Cadettes

This is just a quick note before I get back into the Porno Cookie Kitchen

Now I am realizing that this post should be posted at http://www.foodconfession.wordpress.com

Or maybe that is where the pictures will be when it is all said and done.

Anyway, the Porno Cookies went over very well on Mannheim Road.

Everyone noticed me and my Goodie Tray (I wore the Naughty Nurse outfit with the red cross that spreads across my boobs).

All I needed to say was something suggestive to get the laughter going.

Today I am rolling my buttery cookie tits and cocks in choco powder.

Many people want to see a black ass with white cocks. I’m trying to make a name for myself so I’d better give exactly what they ask for!

I plan on taking more time this morning shaping the sexy edible sculptures, hopefully this time my landlord won’t be peeking over my shoulder.

I would like to keep the shapes simple so that Men subconsciously think of Picasso

As a matter of fact, I think I’ll look through one of Picasso’ books right now before baking.

I’ll keep you posted.





Patron Stripper Saint Diablo Cody

24 01 2008

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Ten years ago there was no such thing as a known stripper/ screenplay writer. No one had delivered themselves as:’ I was once a stripper’ to the world.

Most of my attempts of performing monologues as a stripper were received by mixed gender audiences as too risque when offered as non fiction.

On average housewives didn’t use to (in any way shape or form) emotional support women who basically make their income off of roaming, partying husbands.

I doubt if that has completely changed however- Today’s Strippers are seen more as women taking care of their financial needs than deadly vamps.

Diablo Cody has opened the door for other women in the industry by producing a screenplay that demonstrates how well a nice piece of ass can tell a story.

Strippers have a unique perspective on culture and human nature.

We see people naked without their masks tied everyday… all day. As women Strippers stare at each other and publicly touch each other’s boobs. We are different than ordinary women in so many ways.

The Strip dance can be a choking black ribbon or endless wave that permeates the imagination with the confession: I’m a Stripper.

Sometimes we don’t even know if God Loves us.

Well… until Diablo Cody. She gives us all hope that with talent and dedication- we can truthfully stand tall and earn positive feedback.

Who Get’s the Nut is proud to present Ms. Diablo Cody a bejeweled crown of bacon and Voges chocolate.

Diablo is the Patron Saint of Strippers and should be recognized for awaking audiences to the creative intellectual voice once squashed by supposed decency.

May Diablo Cody’s reign in Hollywood be glamorous, eventful, majestic, revealing and inspiring to other women in the sex industry who have enough guts to type what’s on their minds after a night of grinding and smiling for dirty ole men.

So here’s to ya Diablo Cody a big Red Carpet (((((((((((((wave)))))))))))))

Mystery Mika speaks for all of the stiletto stuffed mini skirts on Mannheim Rd. We strut our sexy at the elite Scores Chicago, One Step Beyond, The Playpen, Bobby’s Bar, and All Stars.

We haven’t made it off the strip and are so amorous of Diablo who is a real life Pretty Woman. We are¬† Proud of you and Oscar nominated Juno.

Thanks so much for going all the way Baby!

To think it all started with a bubbling blog called The Pussy Ranch.





Thinking about Vegas

31 12 2007

Whenever the hawk blows up my britches, I search the road map for sunshine.

I’ve been threatening to make this blog more informative with real news reporting which would mean getting on the road again- one way or another.

Well with kids to take care of my life is a little restricted. So I’ve decided to intellectual challenge myself instead. Like all strippers- I’m in it to win it. I want to make money. I need to make money. I don’t mind showing my ass if that’s what it takes.

Gambling has never been my thing. As a matter of fact- I am known for pocketing money given for me to ‘play’ with by Playas.

Vegas has a good reputation for being active during the cold Chicago months. Men go there to gamble and see Showgirls.

I know that you need to get a Sheriff’s card to work and that could take up to a week. It’s just too much to fly out there, find someone to babysit, dog sit and too expensive to take everyone with me- Vegas for dancing is out this Winter.

I remember reading somewhere that Diablo Cody had been keeping her Pussy Ranch blog for 2 years before she got a phone call offering her an advance. By that time table, I have another year to go.

Well my daughter needs food and health insurance now. I am constantly disappointed by babysitters. Tell me, what sane person would put a baby in a car without a car seat?

Believe it or not all of this and much more has been going on and I keep getting up everyday and trying to write for 4 hours. Now I beginning to think that I am a real writer. I’m not perfect- my grammar probably sends twitter’s @Grammargirl into a frenzy but- I try. I try to communicate and pass on what I’ve learned in my 40 years.

Yesterday I put the theory that Twitter.com is faster than Google to the test (providing that you have establish a network of useful twitters).

I asked my Followers if they had any ideas for self publishing because I can’t bare to wait for Diablo’s people. I want an ebook by January 20th which will be my 41st Birthday.

Several people responded with http://www.lulu.com.

So I checked it out.

It looks easy enough.

Now I need to pull together 60 pages that I think people would enjoy having as a download. I’m going to put a few paintings between the juicy tales- or paint some new tails to sandwich between the erotic tales…

Wish me luck.