Mean Teen Love Wand

29 12 2007

istock_000000235489_l1.jpgEvery one gets their panties in a bunch when Mystery Mika switches into Real health mode including my own 16 year old. So why don’t we all get our heads out of the sand and talk about teen sex.

Recently Twitter’s @QueenofSpain posted Mom Gone Mad and took a flame licking.

It seems some people are upset that Jamie Lynn Spears star of Zoey 101 decided to keep her baby.

Let’s see how it all could have went down. She could have keep her mind focused on work and school – leaving very little time for boys and sex-escapade’s thereby never getting pregnant.

Ms. Spears could have been more careful- made use of spermicide, mega condoms, female condoms and stuffed her mouth with birth control pills once she became sexually active- to avoid a seemly, untimely pregnancy.

Let’s not leave out, that Ms. Spears could have gotten a day after you get fucked up pill from a clinic after she had sloppy sex.

Ms. Spears could have quietly had an abortion under some alias.

With a sister like Britney, the teen could have taken a vacation with a relative in Paris for about a year. Apparently the show Zoey 101 has already been filmed. There were ways to just go have a baby.

When there’s a will there is a way to have a baby without public notice.

Mystery Mika is very suspicious about how this is being handled. I’ve said it before, The Spears need better handlers. It’s like a Girl’s Gone Wild Camp over there.

Nurse Mika is concerned by the stress all of this hoopla may be causing the unborn baby. The kid is going to be born into exile. Teen mother etc. Splattered all over the news.

With that said why do teens have sex? I asked my 16 year old who is home from school for winter break. He declines comment at the moment.

The funny thing is my son has no problem bringing up the subject of drugs. He is shocked by the strange drugs kids he knows have experimented with. He says that he will probably never drink. He’s not in a hurry to get a drivers’ license either.

However when it comes down to sex- he shuts up. His lips are sealed and he won’t even look me in the eye when I ask him questions.

“Are you having s-e-x?”

“Do you know how to put on a condom?”

“What happen between you and that 17 year old girlfriend?”

“Are you gay?”

Sometimes I get a chuckle. Actually I get a lot of chuckles.

Are you laughing at me because I’m desperate to get this conversation going?

“Ma, I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

That’s all I get.

He’s about a foot taller than me. He knows that I am a dancer. I’ve been talking to him about sex, sex predators, safe sex, hormones, marriage, love, dating, having kids, being responsible, drugs, suicide, abnormal behavior, addiction, the armed forces, money, making money, choosing a career, staying healthy and the age of consent since he could ask where babies come from.

Often because of his silence, I’ll panic and say things like:

“whatever you do, don’t grow up and become a slave to your dick. Don’t date girls who need to sneak out of the house. Don’t date girls younger than you. Don’t trust girls to handle the condom. She might be crazy and put a pin hole in it!”

Two years ago he decided to stop eating red meat. He still eats fish because he doesn’t mind fishing but hunting turns his stomach. To me this illustrates him developing a conscious independent of mine. I’m not a vegetarian although I eat tons of vegetables.

I guess he’s a normal kid that is probably sexually active at times- and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

In two years he can be drafted or enlist in the armed service.

My goal as a parent is to launch a whole citizen into the world who will be useful to the world.

Not all parents care about such things. Some parents are drug addicts, emotionally unstable, uninformed, mis informed or just need to work so much outside of the home that they are too miserable and tired to spend time with their children trying to talk about these difficult subjects.

This brings me to the responsibility of schools, television stations, and health officials attempting to provide education aimed towards possibly sexual active teens.

Personally I don’t want any uninformed, horny, lonesome girls going after my boy. He already experienced a girl that was a cutter who wanted to be more than friends. She’s done every drug and wanted my son around to ‘talk to’. Luckily he asked for help in dealing with her.

School programs and television could be a useful tool in bringing up issues that teens don’t want to talk one on one with their parents about.

Every teen knows that mom and dad are going to get upset to hear that they are having sex. Most kids really don’t like disappointing their parents and would like to avoid confrontation.

The school nurse becomes an advocate. Information without Judgement. Saving Lives not souls. Perhaps these agencies and cable hosts won’t get it right in the beginning. Not everybody is going to welcome the change but something needs to be done. There are too many teens running amok.

All of us will need to do a little more growing up to safe guard our youth.

Does Nickelodeon have a Magic Teen Love Wand to zap all their viewers into shape?

Can they come up with a better naughty nurse the me?

How do you talk about sex with your teens without alienating them?

Leave a comment, My Readers want to know.

Dog Gone Skimpy

19 10 2007


AMERICA is obsessed with dogs. If you didn’t already know that then you should know NOW given the recent drama played out after Ellen Degeneres cried like a girl on her show over Iggygate.

Make some noise.

MIKA has 2 rescued dogs! I love them but they are really expensive and time consuming because they have special needs that require extra attention. Anybody else what have gotten rid of them both by now. I’m not that smart.

The truth is I can see myself in these mutts. They were moved around several times before they landed on my door step. Poor Butterfield exhibits the behavior of a dog that has been hit with a broom.

About Butterfield

3 years old cock a poo

I didn’t go off adopting a dog- this dog cried his way into my home. He originally lived with a neighbor who did not understand any of his woes.

Help us damn it! Donate to my relief.
Ellen got the fans all worked up over her puppy mismatch… My problems are far worse than that. I’m a dog gone mutt slave. I slide for cash to keep from feeding them commercial dog food!

I swing from a pole and am willing to mud wrestle for brownie points… paypal quick. Save my dignity!

Butterfield came to me with super terrible potty habits. He refused to walk on a leash and he has allergies. His eyes were always a muck.

In less than a year, Butterfield has gained weight, his coat is lush and he is comfortable being led on a leash… but he still pees whenever he feels like it. Unless the couple is sunning on the back deck, I give them water 4 times a day. Nothing after 10pm. When the dogs are on their 25foot porch led- water is always available. I can’t stand to think Butterfield throat would be dry after barking at squirrels running along the telephone wire and poles.

If the watering schedule doesn’t help improve Butterfield’s piss problems before the cold weather really sets in-I’ll hate it but I will put him in a kennel when I leave the house – I can’t stand worrying about dog pee spattered all over the walls. His favorite place to pee is on my Kleenex box.


About Ruby Valentine

6 year old Shitsu Beagle bad mix of a hunting dog and lap dog. She is so confused!

She’s the boss- we were her family first. She recently came down with a urinary tract infection. The vet sent a prescription for CIPROFLOXACIN HCL 250mg. The pharmacy technician gave me 50 questions because the name on the script sounded made up.

Ruby K9 Young

Anyway I felt guilty for the infection- I thought that she wasn’t getting enough water because of the water schedule…

Well Ruby is attractive… to fleas. Last year I had to bomb the house twice and clean all the bedding and my car. It would’ve been such a big deal if I had not of been 6 months pregnant.

I’ll never forget the urgency of driving around looking for a car wash that was open when it looked like it was about to rain. Finally I gave up and pulled into one of those self service drive up car washes that requires quarters.

It was a cloudy late Sunday afternoon by the time I got all the bedding packed into the car and my son buckled in. I went back upstairs to set off the flea bombs.

Ruby Valentine had an appointment at the local Pet Smart for an emergency flea bath. Once she was dropped off I went to the laundry to put our bedding into a HOT wash. I figured that I had everything time as right as it could be timed to all get completed in one day.

Once the 2 loads (my bed, my son’s bed and Ruby’s Bed) where in the wash I set out to find a car wash to clean the inside of my car.

Surprise. Car washes close when it smells like rain in Chicago. Nothing was open. I’ll never forget the urgency of driving around looking for a car wash that was open when it looked like it was about to rain. Finally I gave up and pulled into one of those half ass, self service, drive up car washes that requires quarters.

I’d used all my quarters for the laundry. I had to wait until someone else drove in to get change. Meanwhile the clock was ticking… Ruby was supposed to be picked up in 2 hours and the clothes at the laundry needed to be put in the dryer.

And I was pregnant. Yeah right.

Finally I got change. As soon as I got my hose to start the lather over the interior rug the cloud opened… down came the rain.

It rained solid until my silk dress stuck to my rotund belly. After about 3 minutes in the cool rain – I started to cry and then sob

I sobbed because I was exhausted I was embarrassed for my son to see me in this condition of helplessness. I sobbed because the soap ran out and I didn’t have the proper tools to get between the cracks… I cried because it was going to be an expensive day and I cried because I still needed to get everything into the house and open the windows to let out the flea bomb mist.

I cried because life really sucked at the moment


I kept my dog

She smelled so good and looked so cute with her very short flea- go- away- puppy- cut.

She kissed me with thanks for realizing that she had fleas and wasn’t scratching because of allergies- this time.

My son told me that he was so proud of me for doing it all by myself.


Hitting It

19 10 2007

This post is for my nieces who in my opinion are too young to be having sex. It has been brought to my attention that somebody has been writing letters about sexual positions and the joys of sex to their boyfriends. I have not read the letters but this post is what I am practicing to say in regards to this matter.

How many mothers, Aunts or grandmothers have found such letters in your teens’ room or school back pack? What did you do? What did you say? Did you achieve the result that you had hoped for?

It may sound old fashion and surprising coming from someone in the sex industry but count me in as one who firmly believes that Sex is for mature grownups- meaning you are 21 years or older.

Hardly anyone waits until then- but it is never too late to reconsider and become chaste.

Sex, Sex Work and Domestic Violence are mature subjects but unfortunately people are not waiting until they are of the age of consent before doing it.

As if, some parents can’t wait until their children turn 18 so that the responsibility of the child’s actions doesn’t fall on them. Sorry to say- your child will always be a reflection of you and your ability to parent.

Parents need to confront their own dark side and presentation.

My stubbornness lays wait for me in my closet along with my lung illness- Sarcoidoisis. The condition is a menace to my good nature but has taught me to make the most of each day.

I would probably be a terrible mother if I didn’t think that I would be dead within 18 years. I know from personally experience that once a person can’t take care of themselves they need their children and friends to assist them. No one wants to take care of someone who has only been a source of sadness and trouble for them.

Here are my 12 reasons under age girls are having sex:

1. They have been physical abused at home

2. They are emotional abused in the home

3. They are sexual abused by someone they trust

4. Drug Abuse

5. otherwise low self esteem brought on by learning disabilities or physical handicaps

6. popularity challenges

7. lack of information- about the significance of body changes, puberty, hormones

8. lack of education in regards to getting turned on- for example coping skills for handling when a kiss gives you butterflies and wet pants

9. Adults in the life of the minor is embarrassed by sex and can’t talk about what is really challenging for the teen.

10. The teens’ religion says that sexual thoughts are wrong- period.

11. The girl is lonely. At age 11 or 12 kids are often left alone to become latch key kids. Parents figure they are too old for babysitters. Care takers are expensive. Some parents figure once their child become 11- it is a good time for them to return to school or work late.

If you hated hearing that- you will really hate this one…

12. Some girls are having sex for material gain- the word on the street is that boys who might have access to cash are offering gifts to girls their own age in exchange for or cooperation in sex.

I’m out here in the thick of it Mrs. Stiff Standards head in the Sand Housewife- girls talk to me in the club about their past because I ask. When I see the girls working it all wrong I question what they are used to because really want to help. It is tricky to apply what I learn in the club to my distant relatives. My nieces see me as a hippie artsy chick- not as Naughty Nurse Mika.

Parents need professional help in coping with sexually active teens and middle schoolers. If you suspect that your son or daughter is having sex- talk to your doctor so that the doctor can recommend services in your area. You should go for counseling before confronting the child.

A heated discussion can cause further damage to the already fragile relationship. My niece was threatened to be kicked out if she got pregnant. That’s nice.

What I would like to point out is that by starting to have sex as a young teen- you are putting yourself in a situation where you need to tolerate a boy’s appetite for sex and your normal emotional responses to acts of sex.

If you ask the young lady to describe the relationship before sex

Talk about her and his expectations of sex

And how the relationship and how they changed after sex…

This is a lot of thought…

My brother also pointed out how much more possessive young men are toward young ladies that they are having sex with…

How are the young girls able to prepare themselves for ‘belonging’ to another very young individual who can’t take care of himself… or perhaps the young boys aren’t that caught up in possession… perhaps the young girls are hoping to belong and will be disappointed with the lack of change from such an act of sex.

Ahh it becomes so complicated- it is simpler just NOT to do it. The best escape for anything is Education. After the rush of sex is over- you are still  in the same place-  education and more education is the only way to write your own ticket!

Readers? Your thoughts on talking to teens about sex.

Remember these may or not be our future sex workers- girls gone wild and wrong! According to the stats related to girls who fall into the sex industry…

oops where that paper go? ahhh it someplace in my pile of junk- I wrote down the numbers… hell.

hit my donate and support button to hear more- Come on folks- you’re telling me you are gonna miss $3 bucks????????????????

Blue is for Boys

26 09 2007

abusive-brother-copy.jpgthis is the letter that is moving around Chi-town courtesy of Mystery Mika and the Professional counselors love it- for all you na sayers !

Remember ladies Presentation is always important- please print on pastel blue paper!

Andre the Giant has a Posse

26 09 2007

Hi, It’s me Mika and I am still on this domestic violence campaign/ kick. The campaign is in response to an incident that occurred on the curb outside my house around noon on Wednesday, September 12th, 2007.

I would rather be mud wrestling Diablo Cody

It is Day 3 of the circulation of my anonymous Hood Memo to an Abusive Brother. This is so scary. I just want the edginess and tension to burn off. I would like to go back to being who I was b4 I saw the neighbor dragging and punching his girlfriend in front of her kids.

My life will never the same but I will only consider myself successful if his life isn’t the same after this week.

I would rather be eating cupcakes

Now I must act like a hummingbird. Each person who receives the Letter is instructed to post it, translate it into another language or otherwise share it- if you can’t see anyway to improve it just leave it as is and pass, pass, pass it on.

I started on Sunday by going to 30 churches. Yesterday I went around to my friends in Humboldt Park. I stopped by Chicago Public radio as well and gave many High School students a copy of the letter.

I asked the young ladies to send it as part of their emails.

Today I went to barber shops, car washes and many street corners and handed out copies of the letter. To date I’ve gone through about 120 copies.

Over the course of the 3 days the letter has changed. It is now printed in black ink on pastel blue paper. Blue is for Boy right? It took some calling around but, I finally found an organization that counsels Men who are domestic abusers. The counseling phone number has been added to the Letter to An Abusive Brother

The only way to keep my teeth from chattering is to fantasize about cool stickers that say Mystery Mika has a Posse. It is probably really wrong to use a naughty self portrait- or is it? I’m still me. It is okay to be me but it is not okay to be him.

At the end of the day, I am afraid to come home fearing that my abusive neighbor has gotten the HOOD Memo and recognizes the portrait of himself. I’ve decided for safety reasons to make My block the last block in the city that will be covered with the Blue Letters
Even though he may expect that I am watching him- he could never expect something of this magnitude to be stirring around him- about him and his uncontrolled rage. Everyday I am comforted by him. He is always measuring my steps. So I had to do something.

Mystery Mika has a Posse.

A special shout out to Dan’s Breakfast Club- without you guys, I would not be able to do any of this! You Men Rock and I love You.

Sometimes when I see her she is just sitting on the porch staring off into a daze. She avoids looking at me if he is sitting close by. Other times when she alone she is sobbing silent tears. The next time I’m going to hug her.

How many of you reading this know of a person that this is happening to? On Sunday I meant a High School Principal who told me that young boys are beating up their girlfriends very frequently inside of her School. Why is this so widespread? Are you willing to do something?

Find out where men can get help in your area. Copy the letter and start passing it around.

I am desperate for the Violence to stop- people are always complaining about the war in Iraq. How about doing something to end the battles on our streets and in our homes!

Threats take many forms

#1. The guy is always sitting on the front stoop with his friends who are wearing band-aids in various places. I need to pass his crowd whenever I enter my apartment. He seems to know that I have something up my sleeve.

2. Lately I have made attempts to slip the young lady a tiny slip of paper that has the phone numbers of shelters that she can go to but he is always watching- even when he is sitting on the next door neighbor’s porch- he is watching… if I get too close to her, he comes into range and he stands and watches us.

3. Last night I did something very bold- it was instinct, I didn’t think long about it I just decided to say more than two words to her. From across the street as I walked my dogs past where she was sitting on the porch I shouted: Girl llllllllllll! How you doing? You know, I’ve been thinking about you allllllllllllllll night!

She responded with a shy smile. For the first time since I meant her she looked barely 21. She swung her legs with excitement as if to say: Finally somebody cares.

We are so different, I am twice age but she usually looks hallow. The whites of her eyes are always muddy from the heat that bottled up when your spirit is in hiding.

Let’s end this. I’m going to bed it is 2:39 am.

When I wake up I’m going to eat blue cupcakes and write to Diablo on her blog asking her if she would like to mud wrestle.

Good Night.

HOOD Memo- the Day After

24 09 2007

Yeah I’m still here. No, this Blog is not turning into some ‘mommyblog’ like Diablo Cody’s Pussy Ranch blog. For one thing I’m not famous yet. For another Domestic Violence is a Showgirl Issue too. I urge all Showgirls to pick a fight and jump in. Involve yourselves in some form of community outreach that helps battered women.

Domestic Violence seeps into all communities not just Chicago’s west side. There are women on the Gold Coast getting their asses beat too.

Consensual Role Play is not the same as Domestic Violence and should not be confused with the Sexy Games that grown people play.

People who don’t know anything about leather, vinyl, latex, water sports, corporal punishment, bondage, role reversal, fetishes and body worship may quickly jump to conclusions.

S and M Lifestyle are exploring their issues within the boundaries of their themes where as Domestic Abusers are lashing out without control or regard for the other person’s wishes or safety. We have completely different experiences.

It is my responsibility to talk about Domestic Violence and a draw a harsh line between the two because we don’t need anyone getting the wrong idea.

The age of consent for having sex in Illinois is 17.

Mystery Mika’s quote of the Day: Sex is a multi- layered way of engaging with another person. When it goes right, you have blissful happiness when it goes wrong it can get terribly painful and violent.

I don’t know what these High Schools call themselves teaching in regards to Sex Education but from what I see in the streets it is not working. The lessons are not helping young people have healthy relationships.

This concerns all of us because the violence spills out onto the street where folks with good sense are attempting to go about their lives.

Margaret Mead Quote of the Day: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

So Now we have a Mika’s Showgirl lesson to spread because my Cadettes are taught to address the Big picture.

Feel free to adopt my letter to an Abusive Brother (Sunday’s post) make it your own by adding your special quote of the day that maintains the spirit and tone of the letter.

Make 100 copies Showgirls and hand them out a Churches, High Schools and Street Corners where guys hang out.

My Sunday morning of passing the letter out was transformational. My children and I went to 30 different churches to leave our message. I had no idea on what was going to happen. I figured that the Church Mothers would be most responsive to my son’s voice. So I sent him in dressed in a button down collared shirt and a single letter printed on white paper.

The over half of the ushers came outside to see where the boy had come from.

I wore a black and white, lace print, J. Crew, below the knee dress with a collar of pearls tight at my neck. Nuri at the Salon just gave me a fresh perm on Friday so my hair very neat and bone straight.

This look really didn’t match the white puma’s and white socks on my feet but I needed comfort to hop in and out of the car. Besides I only got out to hand the letter to men and boys hanging out on the street corners.

When I got out of my car, I smiled and asked: Who’s the Boss?

The guys were shocked.

Nobody ever wanted to claim being the boss. So I would ‘once over’ the crowd again to see what person was attempting the hardest to look like he had no control over the guys.

Sometimes, as I stood, it was like a face off- for the Boss to step forward. In one instance a guy stepped up to me- Big as hell! His facial hair was very well groomed like he had just got out of the barber’s chair. He said: let me see what you got here… and took my simple letter.

I was amazed as to how many men read the letter.

One man standing in front of a church said- you got heart.

So Cadettes this is Mystery Mika’s Stand up against Domestic Violence Week.

Today I am going to High Schools, street corners and barber shops.

I am printing 40 letters today. It took 2hours yesterday to pass out 30.

Have at it Ladies.

Mystery Mika Dropped in the Ghetto #2: Letter to Abuser

23 09 2007

Dear Abusive Brother

Obama is not available, so I prayed to Mother Theresa to pay you a visit in your dreams. If you are bold enough to whip a woman in front of me, then I am bold enough to tell you what I think of it.

Your handiwork is ugly and the screams demean all of the women living near the scene.

Perhaps,You are too far gone to catch a glimpse of your shadow as an old man

Allow a small framed Afro Indian to paint you a little picture of what seems to be your fate

You are cooking heartache.

Heartache is pain, hopelessness, destruction, emptiness, FEAR and hate.

Children have a heart of opportunity until someone who they trust and depend on makes them loose it.

Helplessness streaks the faces of your small boys as they watch you drag their mother begging by her hair. If you punch and drag her in broad daylight (in front of everyone) then I can only imagine how you treat her in the bedroom.

A child’s world and future begins to unfold in the home- what they believe and how they treat others.

Who will take care of you when you are an old man if all you have taught them is to be afraid and Violent?

Our community needs strong men with hearts of gold, Wisdom Warriors… Men who put value in educating themselves and their children before anything especially their EGO.

Abusive Men should to seek help. If you are angry today call for professional help NOW.

I am crying inside every time I see the sagging hopelessness, confusion and despair mask the face of your two young boys.

They worry because they love their mother and they are forced to watch you beat her.

Well I say No. I am not going to be Silent. Standing by and watching as you beat her is if you are slapping me as well. You are attempting to teach my children that your way is the right way to treat women.

A copy of this letter is being handed out at every church on the West Side of Chicago as well as to the Abuser and the Police department that answers the 911 phone calls.

I urge every Pastor and Father that Loves their Family and Congregation to Share it as part of their service today.

May God help us end the Violence. May a community bond together with Love encourage Men who need help with their anger issues to seek help. In order for the Violence on our streets to Stop… Domestic Violence Must End.