16 08 2008

Well Summer is just about over. Mystery Mika has been having a great time at Pantyhose Haven but is  looking forward to a nice Autumn of taking my Show on the road. Pantyhose Haven may be slowing down. There will only be one Pantyhose video added each week or when I’m motivated.

The good news is that Mystery Mika will be coming to a Beauty Shop near you offering several treats!

The Hair documentation on my somewhat mainstream and low key  youtube channel is attracting more views per day than any other thing that I have going. Hair Care and Hair Style is a popular subject which makes me optimistic about taking this Hair matter a step further.

Keep up to date with my Salon Features by subscribing to my youtube channel. I will be documenting special occasion, streaking, frosting , conditioning, relaxer hair processes.

One funny thing that I’ve noticed during my  time behind the camera  at the Salon is that  Fetish does not escape the Beauty Salon.  People have fetishes around Rollers and Capes to start. So not to leave any group out Mystery Mika will purposely strike a pose-

High Class Broad

22 06 2008

Here’s something nasty: Now that the economy in America is so bad, Stripper Money ain’t dirty. Odds are, if your mortgage payment smells like a cock fight- your lender is very delighted to get it. Not that The Bank ever cared where you pulled the wad of cash from. Now his smile is obvious as you stroll away in your tight skirt.

In America people are losing jobs across the board or are having to take $5- $10 an hour pay cuts . Men are still horny with less money to spend. Experts say that women who are unable to spa and pamper themselves- buy more lipstick like a cheap fix when the economy is bad. What affect will the crashing American economy have on strippers and the price of a decent lap dance? Let’s keep it real red neck…

Mystery Mika predicts #1: that with rising gas prices and cost of business air travel, there will be more tricking off in the upcoming months in an effort to ‘save’ money.

Men are going to be seeking more bang for the buck. I’ve noticed that the strip club guests expect a little slack and understanding from their entertainers.

Dancers in their early 20’s have very little adult experience. In their spare time they don’t keep up with the news or political broadcasts that argue hot topics such as whether or not to drill in the wildlife refuge. These same women are strutting the club (all dolled up) complaining about how slow and tight the crowd is.

Every night I find myself asking them: Do you see how much fuel is today? Two days ago it was $4.14/ gallon. Last night near Midway Airport, I paid $4.45/gallon. It is as if these ladies haven’t heard of the domino effect. Many dancers just think that World Affairs don’t pertain to them because they expect men to want to consume sex whether or not they can afford the lifestyle. I got news for you doll face- it ain’t happening! Men are not that irresponsible.

Hard working men are devastated by losing what they considered stable jobs. Many of the career men that have been cut from their jobs never expected that they would be staring at an unemployment check or taking a $6.00 an hour pay cut.

Turns out the more stressed out a man feels the more he fantasizes about a woman’s distracting beauty and his personal needs. In the end if he isn’t greeted with understanding, the customer may choose to stay home. Period!

Mystery Mika #2 Prediction:Fetish Behavior will be in higher demand due to the lost in funds men will be forced to find little triggers that wet their appetite senses- besides they don’t have the funds to play as often.

As for women going all the way in hopes that sex will generate more money- unless this is something that you’ve trained for- it ‘s not going to be worth it. Don’t get lazy or scared. Dance more shifts but pace yourself so that you don’t get exhausted.

This is the worst time in the world to Start being a whore.That’s not anything new- there’s probably never a good time to start being a whore. Stick to being yourself. Try becoming a better listener before you offer more services.

If you are thinking about taking a guy up on his offer because yo money ain’t right. Realize this going into the cheap hotel: Guys want the Girlfriend Experience without the foreplay or condom. This is not a romance the guy is not looking for LOVE. He is a trick and he wants to trick off! He’s not going to be your friend afterwards and he doesn’t belong to you because he paid you for sex. The next time he sees you at the club even though you may have tried to put something on him- he may be Finished with you. Nothing personal but just dancing with you ain’t that exciting anymore.

The all around lack of money has forced everyone into the hunt. We have slipped into Prey drive like a pack of starving wolves. It is really sad.

So what can be done to pick up the slack and save money? Team up. Pass off good customers to ladies that are MVP’s on your team. Keep dead weight off your teams. Be respectful. Be firm. Stand your ground. Manage the money that you make by paying your bills first. Always be grateful and gracious at the end of a dance. Last but not least don’t playa hate on me because I know the game. Keep your game fresh and do you.

Carpooling to work is also very helpful but needs to be done with severe caution. Ride with people that you know well. When you invite someone to ride with you – understand that you invite in possible trouble.

Often a person ‘changes’ once the outside air hits them. Big drinkers are prone to slipping into cars with open beer bottles and short glasses of mixed drinks. Open alcohol in the vehicle will be trouble for the driver if you are pulled over.

As a rule dancers are very dramatic and temper-mental. I don’t suggest carpooling if you can’t deal with mood swings. Some women’s emotions don’t have a clock or cut off switch. I’ve seen women hysterically crying after a bad night of not making enough money. Others call and argue with their boyfriends during the entire ride.

If you are the one being driven. Make sure the driver isn’t drinking etc. It would be a pain if you got stranded without the keys miles from home with someone to high to tell you were they live. Again! Only car pool with dancers that you know very well. Never leave your money in the car with your passengers- you might get alllllllllllllll Jacked UP!

Where did my love go?

25 05 2008

Hi ya Cadettes, it’s me Mystery Mika and I’m typing in my sleep. Visions of stilettos stomping on compost blazing in my mind. Just realized that I did a terrible job at spell checking my last post at and I am having trouble viewing the theme on that blog correctly.

WordPress Support is closed etc. Housekeeping really sucks at the worst time because I just asked Diablo Cody to read my stuff. Whatever. I really wish things ran better. Above all, I wish that I were more of a tech geek so that when I think of something I can just do it myself!

Don’t get me wrong, WordPress still rocks which is why is a portal to my different wordpress blogs. All the template choices are fantastic to keep the site engaging. My audience bores easily. mmmmmmmmmmm.

The Dominican Hair Salon has been doing a great job at keeping my hair helmet looking good and flowing naturally in the wind. (Nuri has a few tracks sewn in the back of my head). Roll me Up and Love Me is the latest follow up on the Santo Domingo Hair Salon in Chicago. To see my hairdresser’s cute pup check out that post- there are doggy pictures!

Nuri is a real sweetheart and good sport. I enjoy starring her in the video shorts posted on youtube about the Dominican style. Everyday her English gets better but I think having a translator adds texture to the videos. Everything Nuri is on the rise. The last time that I visited the Salon, the walls had a fresh warm tropical glow. Yeah team.

My look right now is Cowgirl with a straw hat. (perfect for walking my pack of dogs) The closets have been turned inside out to surface all the cool western motif clothing that I’ve collected in the past 4 years. Guess I miss my dad ( currently unavailable).

My stylist, Nuri is concerned about the condition of my real hair because I don’t pop into the salon enough for maintenance. no TIME.

I’ve been super busy with the channel. Can’t go back as tired as I am- I’ll just unspell stuff or goof and erase the entire thing!

Mystery Mika is so inspired to keep the 19 hour work days going after just having a few minutes to actually talk to Diablo Cody. I really believe in the Showgirl School and the idea of hard work that I just keep it up until something happens that will make it bigger and better. The goal is to show showgirls working the stage what a little focused effort will do… but first I need to do it. I have no idea what can happen or if Diablo will ever call me again. I’m sure she is very busy with work of her own in Hollywood.

Honestly I was getting tired before I spoke to her. It seems like the cough is coming back. Sarcoidoisis BE GONE! I am exhausted and I thought about quitting. After all I’m not Cinderella or Pretty Woman. Fairy tales are for children, right? until I got a wish… to talk to her. One of us who made it. So ladies the Fates threw me a bone or two.

Lately I’ve been reconnecting with influential people from my past like Ben Stokes of Dimensional Holofonic Sound.

After watching Ben Stokes tech-out the Meat Beat Manifesto Show and chatting with the Dessert Vixen the other night at the Abby- my mind is in video short mode.

Naw, I’m not really changing my stripes just adding value to the hues.

So Cadettes you might not be seeing as many Showgirl School posts because currently Mystery Mika is taking time to build up the other blogs. Once I have at least 25 post on the new blogs, I will turn my attention to choosing banner ads for

Video gets a big response. People enjoy video story telling. Now days youtube makes it accessible to everyone.

We have mysteries up the butt hole unraveling on my channel.

Other than giving you my own images through video- I have been able to search and place many of the people that I admire side by side.

I have them all collected and thumb nailed neatly in my Favorites on my youtube channel.

Thus far the only trouble is that it takes a long time to upload 9 minute videos. I end up setting it and going out.

So in a nut shell Cadettes, Mystery Mika still loves you but I don’t want to undo my reputation by writing bad lessons. I can only focus on a dozen things at a time

Stay out of trouble, Ladies and follow the mystery on youtube!


Taking it to the Street

12 05 2008

Hi Ya Cadettes!

We live in the age of the individual. Blogs and How to videos are popping up all over the place. Not only is Mika’s Showgirl School an advice blog- it is post sex education.

Everyone is curious about sexy stuff. Writing about sexy stuff is a guaranteed hit. Unfortunately just being sexy can’t and won’t get a girl through life. Which is why Mystery Mika has been very busy defining the virtual .

It has been my pleasure to design a portal to many thought provoking sites and people who are willing and able to share their useful advice and experiences. Sometimes wisdom is best said from the mouths of babes literally!

I haven’t put my finger on what it is that I do that helps people to open up when I ask a question but I am truly grateful for the oportunity to document experts in all the trades covered so far.

Instead of just using these skills to get a dance, I’ve moved to phase 2 which is pure Journalism.

If you are not new to Mika’s Showgirl School then you already know that I believe that to be a good Showgirl you must multifaceted and mature. A young lady must be able to listen and communicate with people across the cultural spectrum. 

This summer I will be uploading videos to my channel.

Walk with me as I take the Show to the streets of Chicago. My video taping style is no frills or fancy edits. My camera doesn’t have a microphone portal. So I must rely on the in camera mic to pick up the sound. I’ll save my slickness for the club. What you have on my youtube channel is raw footage, no budget, straight to the point interviews and documentation of Life experiences and need to know information.

If you have an opportunity, start asking questions that you really care about the answers to. It will take time to be able to tell when someone is answering with their ego and not their intelligence but eventually you may learn something.  

As a woman, I write for women. I have spent years not knowing how to be what was expected of me. Hopefully my Summers’ video blog and channel will encourage ladies to reach for the stars and become one that shines. 

The Dawn of Valentine or What’s Love got?

14 02 2008

Tonight I gave a drunk girl a ride home. In the dressing room she was crying and bumping her head against the mirror.

My man don’t treat me right. He’s always asking me for money. I’m soooo dumb.’

I thought that maybe if I got her over to my place and gave her a little time to sober up, I could talk some sense into her.

In the end she only wanted to talk to him on the phone.

She offered me $20 dollars to drive her cell phone back over to her house- by accident she dropped it on the floor of my car as she tumbled out.

Can you please, Mika, just look in my phone’s contacts and give me the number under Sweetie daddy. He’s gonna be waiting for my call. I need to call him.

It’s after 2am. I gotta go to bed. Sorry, it will have to wait til morning. Get some sleep. I’ll drop your cell off in the morning.

I  pushed END and tossed her phone into my purse.

Let’s see what Tina Turner has to say about surviving abuse in a relationship.

wait there’s more.

Patron Stripper Saint Diablo Cody

24 01 2008


Ten years ago there was no such thing as a known stripper/ screenplay writer. No one had delivered themselves as:’ I was once a stripper’ to the world.

Most of my attempts of performing monologues as a stripper were received by mixed gender audiences as too risque when offered as non fiction.

On average housewives didn’t use to (in any way shape or form) emotional support women who basically make their income off of roaming, partying husbands.

I doubt if that has completely changed however- Today’s Strippers are seen more as women taking care of their financial needs than deadly vamps.

Diablo Cody has opened the door for other women in the industry by producing a screenplay that demonstrates how well a nice piece of ass can tell a story.

Strippers have a unique perspective on culture and human nature.

We see people naked without their masks tied everyday… all day. As women Strippers stare at each other and publicly touch each other’s boobs. We are different than ordinary women in so many ways.

The Strip dance can be a choking black ribbon or endless wave that permeates the imagination with the confession: I’m a Stripper.

Sometimes we don’t even know if God Loves us.

Well… until Diablo Cody. She gives us all hope that with talent and dedication- we can truthfully stand tall and earn positive feedback.

Who Get’s the Nut is proud to present Ms. Diablo Cody a bejeweled crown of bacon and Voges chocolate.

Diablo is the Patron Saint of Strippers and should be recognized for awaking audiences to the creative intellectual voice once squashed by supposed decency.

May Diablo Cody’s reign in Hollywood be glamorous, eventful, majestic, revealing and inspiring to other women in the sex industry who have enough guts to type what’s on their minds after a night of grinding and smiling for dirty ole men.

So here’s to ya Diablo Cody a big Red Carpet (((((((((((((wave)))))))))))))

Mystery Mika speaks for all of the stiletto stuffed mini skirts on Mannheim Rd. We strut our sexy at the elite Scores Chicago, One Step Beyond, The Playpen, Bobby’s Bar, and All Stars.

We haven’t made it off the strip and are so amorous of Diablo who is a real life Pretty Woman. We are  Proud of you and Oscar nominated Juno.

Thanks so much for going all the way Baby!

To think it all started with a bubbling blog called The Pussy Ranch.

Mean Teen Love Wand

29 12 2007

istock_000000235489_l1.jpgEvery one gets their panties in a bunch when Mystery Mika switches into Real health mode including my own 16 year old. So why don’t we all get our heads out of the sand and talk about teen sex.

Recently Twitter’s @QueenofSpain posted Mom Gone Mad and took a flame licking.

It seems some people are upset that Jamie Lynn Spears star of Zoey 101 decided to keep her baby.

Let’s see how it all could have went down. She could have keep her mind focused on work and school – leaving very little time for boys and sex-escapade’s thereby never getting pregnant.

Ms. Spears could have been more careful- made use of spermicide, mega condoms, female condoms and stuffed her mouth with birth control pills once she became sexually active- to avoid a seemly, untimely pregnancy.

Let’s not leave out, that Ms. Spears could have gotten a day after you get fucked up pill from a clinic after she had sloppy sex.

Ms. Spears could have quietly had an abortion under some alias.

With a sister like Britney, the teen could have taken a vacation with a relative in Paris for about a year. Apparently the show Zoey 101 has already been filmed. There were ways to just go have a baby.

When there’s a will there is a way to have a baby without public notice.

Mystery Mika is very suspicious about how this is being handled. I’ve said it before, The Spears need better handlers. It’s like a Girl’s Gone Wild Camp over there.

Nurse Mika is concerned by the stress all of this hoopla may be causing the unborn baby. The kid is going to be born into exile. Teen mother etc. Splattered all over the news.

With that said why do teens have sex? I asked my 16 year old who is home from school for winter break. He declines comment at the moment.

The funny thing is my son has no problem bringing up the subject of drugs. He is shocked by the strange drugs kids he knows have experimented with. He says that he will probably never drink. He’s not in a hurry to get a drivers’ license either.

However when it comes down to sex- he shuts up. His lips are sealed and he won’t even look me in the eye when I ask him questions.

“Are you having s-e-x?”

“Do you know how to put on a condom?”

“What happen between you and that 17 year old girlfriend?”

“Are you gay?”

Sometimes I get a chuckle. Actually I get a lot of chuckles.

Are you laughing at me because I’m desperate to get this conversation going?

“Ma, I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

That’s all I get.

He’s about a foot taller than me. He knows that I am a dancer. I’ve been talking to him about sex, sex predators, safe sex, hormones, marriage, love, dating, having kids, being responsible, drugs, suicide, abnormal behavior, addiction, the armed forces, money, making money, choosing a career, staying healthy and the age of consent since he could ask where babies come from.

Often because of his silence, I’ll panic and say things like:

“whatever you do, don’t grow up and become a slave to your dick. Don’t date girls who need to sneak out of the house. Don’t date girls younger than you. Don’t trust girls to handle the condom. She might be crazy and put a pin hole in it!”

Two years ago he decided to stop eating red meat. He still eats fish because he doesn’t mind fishing but hunting turns his stomach. To me this illustrates him developing a conscious independent of mine. I’m not a vegetarian although I eat tons of vegetables.

I guess he’s a normal kid that is probably sexually active at times- and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

In two years he can be drafted or enlist in the armed service.

My goal as a parent is to launch a whole citizen into the world who will be useful to the world.

Not all parents care about such things. Some parents are drug addicts, emotionally unstable, uninformed, mis informed or just need to work so much outside of the home that they are too miserable and tired to spend time with their children trying to talk about these difficult subjects.

This brings me to the responsibility of schools, television stations, and health officials attempting to provide education aimed towards possibly sexual active teens.

Personally I don’t want any uninformed, horny, lonesome girls going after my boy. He already experienced a girl that was a cutter who wanted to be more than friends. She’s done every drug and wanted my son around to ‘talk to’. Luckily he asked for help in dealing with her.

School programs and television could be a useful tool in bringing up issues that teens don’t want to talk one on one with their parents about.

Every teen knows that mom and dad are going to get upset to hear that they are having sex. Most kids really don’t like disappointing their parents and would like to avoid confrontation.

The school nurse becomes an advocate. Information without Judgement. Saving Lives not souls. Perhaps these agencies and cable hosts won’t get it right in the beginning. Not everybody is going to welcome the change but something needs to be done. There are too many teens running amok.

All of us will need to do a little more growing up to safe guard our youth.

Does Nickelodeon have a Magic Teen Love Wand to zap all their viewers into shape?

Can they come up with a better naughty nurse the me?

How do you talk about sex with your teens without alienating them?

Leave a comment, My Readers want to know.