Lick My Porno Cookie Vagina!

27 01 2008


Hiya Cadettes,

Day 2 of walking with the Porno Cookie Goodie Tray went very well. When I say well I mean the girls had fun and the guys had fun watching the girls have fun.

The biggest hit was the cookies shaped like Vaginae. I formed fat vaginae, wide open vaginae, big clit vaginae and floppy lip vaginae.

Blooming artistically with vagina sculpture, I will revisit Georgia O’keefe and study how that painter made eloquent creases and folds.

Even men who are horned out often refer to a pussy as a flower.

Some flowering vagina cookies will be nude for those that request that I not roll their porno cookie in powdered sugar.

The best thing about the Goodie Tray is that it speaks for itself.

The delicate, crispy, miniature, organic shapes assist the ladies who have a difficult time starting a conversation.

All the lady needs to do is grab a cookie and start licking. The flicking of the tongue is intuitive.

I noticed that each dancer had a unique lick pace-I assumed that she was licking my cookie at the speed that she liked to be stroked for pleasure.

The entire experience made a snowy afternoon more intriguing…

until we ran out of Vagina Cookies

The Cock and Ball Cookies were not as much fun.

Perhaps the men should lick those?
For now, it seems as though I’ve found a G spot.

Momma has finally figured out how to get the naughty dancers to do some real performance.

The new Mika Vagina dialogue was like sketchy word jazz. Only the vets knew exactly how and when to stop licking and add robust words that grabbed the customer’s imagination.

One girl exclaimed: I ate cooochie today for the first time!

A guy sitting on a bar stool said with a genuine grin : And we all watched!

The club atmosphere is better for everyone when the ladies put their creativity to use to express themselves sexually.

It is a team effort. Now buy a t shirt so that I can get some more Sugar to lightly dust my fat vagina cookie. If you purchase 5 items from the store leave your comment with this post and I will contact you and send you an autographed print of the above line drawing for FREE!

Click here to see what naughty things are in my store… ah here’s something fun from Soul Sacrifice

Play Dough

26 01 2008

Hiya Cadettes

This is just a quick note before I get back into the Porno Cookie Kitchen

Now I am realizing that this post should be posted at

Or maybe that is where the pictures will be when it is all said and done.

Anyway, the Porno Cookies went over very well on Mannheim Road.

Everyone noticed me and my Goodie Tray (I wore the Naughty Nurse outfit with the red cross that spreads across my boobs).

All I needed to say was something suggestive to get the laughter going.

Today I am rolling my buttery cookie tits and cocks in choco powder.

Many people want to see a black ass with white cocks. I’m trying to make a name for myself so I’d better give exactly what they ask for!

I plan on taking more time this morning shaping the sexy edible sculptures, hopefully this time my landlord won’t be peeking over my shoulder.

I would like to keep the shapes simple so that Men subconsciously think of Picasso

As a matter of fact, I think I’ll look through one of Picasso’ books right now before baking.

I’ll keep you posted.

Shuffle Cupid

20 09 2007

Poor Obama. I know how it is being told that you are acting white. It happens to me every time I try to learn a new street dance. The other ladies pick up the rhythm right away and are able to break the moves down soooooo smooth. I on the other hand, need to watch over and over again- often practicing in my sleep.

Barack listen to Momma Mika, what you need to do is this- the next time you are in Chicago, hit the west side. Just jump right in there like I did. Open up a head quarters right alongside the park.

Maybe you can throw on some sagging pants and wash a few cars in the street until 4 am.

You studied Law right? Offer some council to my neighbor who just loves to get started in the morning by yanking his baby’s momma’s micro braids out.

She is always sitting on the front porch with her face swollen and red eyes streaming silent tears. Maybe you can walk her into a shelter. I’m still trying to slip her a little note- listing the shelters.

That brother that slaps her around, could really benefit from having you on the scene. You would calm things down.

I could see it now- Mrs. Obama leading the Cupid Shuffle down Kedzie Ave.

Maybe then Jessie Jackson would be satisfied with you and consider you black enough.

I know living on the wild wild west side of Chicago has made my African American associates take me more seriously.

Get in there Barack, Oprah is cool for the Hollywood part but when you are ready to blow some hood steam- holla at me. The 900 s the best.

Spread the love, I’ll be waiting.

We got a brand new style yall.

Before She Was Famous

17 09 2007

Everyone wants to represent like a Stripper these days. This time it is Nicole Kidman in a cheap catalog looking bra on the cover of the October 2007,Vanity Fair. What was she thinking?

The picture is all over the supermarket check out line- looking a hot mess.

I’ve seen plenty of saucy photographs of Kidman. I know she has more to offer than that doe caught in the headlights stare.

Wait a minute, if Nikki was going after the next top model with that pic, she would be quickly overshadowed by girls who want to be seen. Tyra would get a crook from snapping her neck: NO, come stronger or Go home!

Some people should just glue their clothes on. Stripping ain’t for everybody!

Girls hoping for a big break and money to free themselves would send that sort of competition packing. What is show business coming to?

Wait, I’m not finished.

Furthermore,If Nikki was at the strip club as blank, innocent and lost as on the cover of Vanity Fair, she would become instant ‘new girl prey’.

Every bad guy in the joint would have an attitude of superiority toward her or a moralized cocktail for her to suck on. Weakness attracts the bad guy.

Pity. Pity on You Nicole Kidman for taking a step backward. You look as if this picture was taken before you were famous.

Half naked and lost looking broads are an insult to real erotic entertainers who have a reason to strip.

Strip to have fun. Strip to make money. Strip to have extra time to work on your art. Strip because you are a bad ass. Strip to pay for a home health care nurse to keep your grannie out of the nursing home. Strip to buy organic food… but don’t strip because you are famous and can’t think of anything else to do.

I’m not finished.

I haven’t ranted about the costume. It could have been cute if her eyes didn’t go dead the minute the anchor pooped off…


It is war time. Soldiers are putting themselves in harms way everyday. If you are going to don a military uniform- Shout it out! Come heavy. Give them something to pin up! Looks to me like she was dummied up and pushed into the Sailor Gimmick without much research.

Nikkie didn’t seem to understand exactly why she was in a Sailor Suit. If Putting it on didn’t mean anything then taking it off is going to mean less. It is all over her face.

Mystery Mika Showgirl Hint: Understand the costume, time period of the design that you are modeling. Audiences are going to attach the current events to the image that you present. Duh.

She doesn’t look like she having any FUN! She wasn’t sending any love out to our boys at war in the sea.

So I’m left thinking she didn’t really want to do it.

Why do this celebrities keep letting their people convince them that Stripping is the new IN thing?

We strippers are trying to make the most of what we get to start out with, which in most cases, ain’t much.

Give me a damn sailor suit, I’d sock it with nothing less than a fabulous bra.

Sweetest Hangover

17 09 2007

Margaret Mead Quote of the Day:

I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world

Mystery Mika’s Quote of the Day:

Everyone learns how to get by in the world by what they see, hear and are taught as children. Sometimes the smartest thing a grown up can do is throw all that crap out and start over again.

Margaret Mead is a favorite of Diablo Cody.

Diablo Cody is a favorite of Mystery Mika’s.

What is Mystery Mika doing her on this Blog at this Showgirl School?

Mika: I am talking directly to trapped housewives, wanna be strippers, soon to be strippers, strippers and occasional whores about the so and so business of being an erotic entertainer. Of course, I am hoping for a book deal. But I also have a need to say what is burning on my mind about being a woman. If there is a cure for this, I don’t want it… but I would like to think that my little homework assignments uplift a population that is usually mocked.

I am one of them. If I have done it all, I did it because at the time I didn’t have a choice.

This blog is about finding sensual, marketable options to selling yourself short.

Fun Sexy: Mika Sniffs the Tale of Diablo Cody

16 09 2007


Ex- Minneapolis stripper, Diablo Cody made it all the way onto David Letterman, Hollywood and the rights to turn her Pussy Ranch blog into a ‘mommyblog’. Go girl.

Mystery Mika ain’t gonna hate- I’m just gonna keep on writing and streaking with my little flint of the Lady Liberty’s torch.

The Big Dogs always want a Black Girl somewhere up there with them. Maybe through hard work and consistency, I can become that girl Black Girl/ Intellectual Stripper to get a book deal.

Hike up your skirt, curl into those pink fishnets, Salute with solidarity the most recent one of us who has made it off of Paradise Island.

See The Goddess Cody grip David Letterman with no hands! Tittiling…

Search Diablo Cody, the full interview on Breath taking!

Buy her book, Candy Girl, study her online writing at the Pussy Ranch, wait for the release of her movie- Juno.

Dave hammered her for 8:37 minutes with questions about Bed Dances, simulating intercourse, her husband, her book: Candy Girl a Year and a Life of an Unlikely Stripper.

Her comebacks were seamless,witty, punctual, rebellious!

Ahhh think I’m having a non forced orgasm. I can still feel the tongue of her man eating, magic lasso reaching into my Psyche, inviting my version of my naked truth.

If Diablo Cody knew that Mystery Mika existed, she would mud wrestle with me.

Together we would become Lyrical Honorary Mud Queens!

Go to Fall in love with Diablo Cody. Misery loves company, I’ve already played it 10 times back to back.

I can smell her mane dyed dark almost black

She made me proud to be a Woman- a Young Goddess at that

Madam Cody wasn’t at all star- struck by his Republican Looking ass. David was so gracious toward her

Cody says to David Letterman without once freezing or drowning

1. My mother is still mortified.

2. I felt like a naked Margaret Meade

3. There’s nothing you can do to please a jaded strip club addict

4. The young enthusiastic guys are the best, I can just eat them alive!

Yes Yes Yes it can be done Cadettes! Get those Journals out and start writing. We all have a story to tell. We are strong. We are brave. We can have success without having sex.


13 09 2007

Once upon a time, a old Chinese doctor that told his patients, ‘pay me when you get well, if your health doesn’t improve you don’t owe me anything.’

These days with the rising cost of malpractice insurance, there is more money in chasing ambulances than treating the people in them.

People love a good story. There’s no business that I know like Show Business.

Have you seen the latest commercial with The Donald? His punch line is: ‘why does everyone think they deserve their own show?’

Mystery Mika can answer that one for ya!

For so long we have been silenced. By we I mean the little folks, the average guy, the housewife, the less than educated.

After watching all the professionals have at it WE have decided that WE can do just as good or better.

Perhaps we are no longer satisfied by the news coverage. We want more. We are living proof that more is happening. We would like the complete, uncensored version.

We would like to see a little emotion behind the delivery of the news. It is too calm, cool and collected. Are we supposed to feel the same way as the reporter? How about all the news as it is happening instead of the same news all day long.

Who decides what get broadcast anyway?

I hear that some nursing school in Indiana lost most of their clinical sites because of undesirable people showing up at the work sites. Instead of finding new sites the school is just writing down that the students completed their clinic hours.

Honey Hush. If they say hell nawl, that ain’t happening get someone with a badge to make them open up their books. Ask for every single clinic hour, for every single student to be verified from every supposed clinic site in Indiana.

What school? Where in Indiana? That is for you Showgirl Cadettes to find out. If I tell that I might as well take all the credit.

There’s a story for a wannabe reporter. Jump on it. I just threw you a bone. Indiana is a big state get your snoop gear and I want to hear the entire story busted wide open! Hurry before someone shows up to make me tell who, what, when. Now that it has been printed anything could happen. Depending how hungry or lazy the man eaters are.

That is why I am a writer and not a nurse. Corruption. Corporate Money Fetishes. There is no room for such foolishness in health care. The list goes on. I don’t hear any news about that. Let’s hear it. I dare ya!

I think they should send an angry woman with a health department badge to check into. There is nothing scarier than an angry woman with a badge after a bad guy.

So, Mister Donald Trump, everyone thinks that they deserve a show because everyone has a story to tell that they hear is not getting told.

Who can tell it the best?

Mystery Mika is thinking Contest.

Put away the hair spray ladies or I’m going to take care of it myself.

You heard it here first.

This post is the perfect example of mixing unrelated categories together. David Letterman, Conan, Jay Leno and the View do it everyday. I finally had my turn with some fresh news that hasn’t been printed anywhere as of yet.

Yeah me.