25 10 2007

I’m not a Scientist or a Doctor but I didn’t start coughing like a fool until after sitting front row on Staten Island as the Twin Towers came stumbling down on September 11.

Then like a bigger fool I marched right down to ground zero to take pictures of the ashes.

My advice to all the folks out in California chasing the Witch Fire with a camera-


the photograph isn’t worth coughing up a lung for the next 6 years.

I never really even write about this mysterious lung condition of mine- the jury is still out on how it comes about and why… bad air doesn’t help- I can tell you that much!

Wear a Mask in smoke filled regions.

But then I’m not a doctor and won’t ever be able to work as a nurse again- my lungs aren’t strong enough!

At least I can still be Naughty Nurse Mika.

Hitting It

19 10 2007

This post is for my nieces who in my opinion are too young to be having sex. It has been brought to my attention that somebody has been writing letters about sexual positions and the joys of sex to their boyfriends. I have not read the letters but this post is what I am practicing to say in regards to this matter.

How many mothers, Aunts or grandmothers have found such letters in your teens’ room or school back pack? What did you do? What did you say? Did you achieve the result that you had hoped for?

It may sound old fashion and surprising coming from someone in the sex industry but count me in as one who firmly believes that Sex is for mature grownups- meaning you are 21 years or older.

Hardly anyone waits until then- but it is never too late to reconsider and become chaste.

Sex, Sex Work and Domestic Violence are mature subjects but unfortunately people are not waiting until they are of the age of consent before doing it.

As if, some parents can’t wait until their children turn 18 so that the responsibility of the child’s actions doesn’t fall on them. Sorry to say- your child will always be a reflection of you and your ability to parent.

Parents need to confront their own dark side and presentation.

My stubbornness lays wait for me in my closet along with my lung illness- Sarcoidoisis. The condition is a menace to my good nature but has taught me to make the most of each day.

I would probably be a terrible mother if I didn’t think that I would be dead within 18 years. I know from personally experience that once a person can’t take care of themselves they need their children and friends to assist them. No one wants to take care of someone who has only been a source of sadness and trouble for them.

Here are my 12 reasons under age girls are having sex:

1. They have been physical abused at home

2. They are emotional abused in the home

3. They are sexual abused by someone they trust

4. Drug Abuse

5. otherwise low self esteem brought on by learning disabilities or physical handicaps

6. popularity challenges

7. lack of information- about the significance of body changes, puberty, hormones

8. lack of education in regards to getting turned on- for example coping skills for handling when a kiss gives you butterflies and wet pants

9. Adults in the life of the minor is embarrassed by sex and can’t talk about what is really challenging for the teen.

10. The teens’ religion says that sexual thoughts are wrong- period.

11. The girl is lonely. At age 11 or 12 kids are often left alone to become latch key kids. Parents figure they are too old for babysitters. Care takers are expensive. Some parents figure once their child become 11- it is a good time for them to return to school or work late.

If you hated hearing that- you will really hate this one…

12. Some girls are having sex for material gain- the word on the street is that boys who might have access to cash are offering gifts to girls their own age in exchange for or cooperation in sex.

I’m out here in the thick of it Mrs. Stiff Standards head in the Sand Housewife- girls talk to me in the club about their past because I ask. When I see the girls working it all wrong I question what they are used to because really want to help. It is tricky to apply what I learn in the club to my distant relatives. My nieces see me as a hippie artsy chick- not as Naughty Nurse Mika.

Parents need professional help in coping with sexually active teens and middle schoolers. If you suspect that your son or daughter is having sex- talk to your doctor so that the doctor can recommend services in your area. You should go for counseling before confronting the child.

A heated discussion can cause further damage to the already fragile relationship. My niece was threatened to be kicked out if she got pregnant. That’s nice.

What I would like to point out is that by starting to have sex as a young teen- you are putting yourself in a situation where you need to tolerate a boy’s appetite for sex and your normal emotional responses to acts of sex.

If you ask the young lady to describe the relationship before sex

Talk about her and his expectations of sex

And how the relationship and how they changed after sex…

This is a lot of thought…

My brother also pointed out how much more possessive young men are toward young ladies that they are having sex with…

How are the young girls able to prepare themselves for ‘belonging’ to another very young individual who can’t take care of himself… or perhaps the young boys aren’t that caught up in possession… perhaps the young girls are hoping to belong and will be disappointed with the lack of change from such an act of sex.

Ahh it becomes so complicated- it is simpler just NOT to do it. The best escape for anything is Education. After the rush of sex is over- you are still  in the same place-  education and more education is the only way to write your own ticket!

Readers? Your thoughts on talking to teens about sex.

Remember these may or not be our future sex workers- girls gone wild and wrong! According to the stats related to girls who fall into the sex industry…

oops where that paper go? ahhh it someplace in my pile of junk- I wrote down the numbers… hell.

hit my donate and support button to hear more- Come on folks- you’re telling me you are gonna miss $3 bucks????????????????

What is Playing House

18 10 2007

All day it has been in the news about Portland School Committee passing the vote in favor of King Middle School’s health center to write prescriptions for contraceptive pills. My favorite quote is from Richard Veilleux who is the executive director of the Maine Assembly of School based health care.

Veilleux says This isn’t encouraging sex. This is about the kids who are engaging in sexual activities.

Based on 17 pregnancies at its 3 middle schools in the past 4 years and the fact that 5 out of 134 students who visited the health center admitted to having sex. The committee designed a plan to avoid untimely pregnancies.

It was also pointed out within the discussion that many of these children do not have a strong parental advocate present in their home.

I applaud the young girls for being honest and seeking help from their school’s nurse.

Why do you think such young girls would be sexual active? I didn’t have sex for the first time until I was 16 and then I was so uncomfortable afterwards it was almost a year until I tried it again.

Are these young girls being forced to have sex? Are they just curious? Are they lacking attention from their parents? Is it competition for popularity? Do they have a tilted idea of what love is? Or is it something in the commercial milk kicking them into gear early?

When I wrote my post Motherless Mothers I could tell by my blog stats that my readers got mad at me- as if it wasn’t my place to be talking about what is good for young girls. Education is good for young girls.

For the record, I advise young girls and teenagers not to engage in sex. There are several ways to express yourself without having sex.

Before you try to talk to someone about sex even though you are grown- you might want to consider learning more about sex and erogenous zones and the affects of hormonal changes in human beings.

I urge every parent to pay attention to their children ideas and help the children to build their self esteem through hobbies and communication.

My children rarely watch television. I don’t have cable or an XBOX. They are encouraged to write, draw and play individual sports. We talk all the time.

Many parents work 8 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week, plus commute to and from work. I’ve done it too. It is exhausting and leaves very little time to mind meld with your children. When children are left alone in their room, in front of the television or given free run without curfews and checking in- anything can be in the works.

I constantly tell my children that I am on their side. In order to be a good mother, you must love the work and be up for the changing job description.

I know that the Bible says that your husband comes before the children- I can’t do it- NO Man comes before my children – sorry.

When I talk about sex- we draw 3 columns: Life b4 Sex, expectations of Sex,  the relationship after Sex. ahh I could talk abut this forever but

I have a life to lead and manage.

If you would like for me to have more time to write because you all gain insight from it- hit my donate/ support button at the top of the page….

I would love to research and unscramble the world for ya. You would be surprised.

Andre the Giant has a Posse

26 09 2007

Hi, It’s me Mika and I am still on this domestic violence campaign/ kick. The campaign is in response to an incident that occurred on the curb outside my house around noon on Wednesday, September 12th, 2007.

I would rather be mud wrestling Diablo Cody

It is Day 3 of the circulation of my anonymous Hood Memo to an Abusive Brother. This is so scary. I just want the edginess and tension to burn off. I would like to go back to being who I was b4 I saw the neighbor dragging and punching his girlfriend in front of her kids.

My life will never the same but I will only consider myself successful if his life isn’t the same after this week.

I would rather be eating cupcakes

Now I must act like a hummingbird. Each person who receives the Letter is instructed to post it, translate it into another language or otherwise share it- if you can’t see anyway to improve it just leave it as is and pass, pass, pass it on.

I started on Sunday by going to 30 churches. Yesterday I went around to my friends in Humboldt Park. I stopped by Chicago Public radio as well and gave many High School students a copy of the letter.

I asked the young ladies to send it as part of their emails.

Today I went to barber shops, car washes and many street corners and handed out copies of the letter. To date I’ve gone through about 120 copies.

Over the course of the 3 days the letter has changed. It is now printed in black ink on pastel blue paper. Blue is for Boy right? It took some calling around but, I finally found an organization that counsels Men who are domestic abusers. The counseling phone number has been added to the Letter to An Abusive Brother

The only way to keep my teeth from chattering is to fantasize about cool stickers that say Mystery Mika has a Posse. It is probably really wrong to use a naughty self portrait- or is it? I’m still me. It is okay to be me but it is not okay to be him.

At the end of the day, I am afraid to come home fearing that my abusive neighbor has gotten the HOOD Memo and recognizes the portrait of himself. I’ve decided for safety reasons to make My block the last block in the city that will be covered with the Blue Letters
Even though he may expect that I am watching him- he could never expect something of this magnitude to be stirring around him- about him and his uncontrolled rage. Everyday I am comforted by him. He is always measuring my steps. So I had to do something.

Mystery Mika has a Posse.

A special shout out to Dan’s Breakfast Club- without you guys, I would not be able to do any of this! You Men Rock and I love You.

Sometimes when I see her she is just sitting on the porch staring off into a daze. She avoids looking at me if he is sitting close by. Other times when she alone she is sobbing silent tears. The next time I’m going to hug her.

How many of you reading this know of a person that this is happening to? On Sunday I meant a High School Principal who told me that young boys are beating up their girlfriends very frequently inside of her School. Why is this so widespread? Are you willing to do something?

Find out where men can get help in your area. Copy the letter and start passing it around.

I am desperate for the Violence to stop- people are always complaining about the war in Iraq. How about doing something to end the battles on our streets and in our homes!

Threats take many forms

#1. The guy is always sitting on the front stoop with his friends who are wearing band-aids in various places. I need to pass his crowd whenever I enter my apartment. He seems to know that I have something up my sleeve.

2. Lately I have made attempts to slip the young lady a tiny slip of paper that has the phone numbers of shelters that she can go to but he is always watching- even when he is sitting on the next door neighbor’s porch- he is watching… if I get too close to her, he comes into range and he stands and watches us.

3. Last night I did something very bold- it was instinct, I didn’t think long about it I just decided to say more than two words to her. From across the street as I walked my dogs past where she was sitting on the porch I shouted: Girl llllllllllll! How you doing? You know, I’ve been thinking about you allllllllllllllll night!

She responded with a shy smile. For the first time since I meant her she looked barely 21. She swung her legs with excitement as if to say: Finally somebody cares.

We are so different, I am twice age but she usually looks hallow. The whites of her eyes are always muddy from the heat that bottled up when your spirit is in hiding.

Let’s end this. I’m going to bed it is 2:39 am.

When I wake up I’m going to eat blue cupcakes and write to Diablo on her blog asking her if she would like to mud wrestle.

Good Night.

HOOD Memo- the Day After

24 09 2007

Yeah I’m still here. No, this Blog is not turning into some ‘mommyblog’ like Diablo Cody’s Pussy Ranch blog. For one thing I’m not famous yet. For another Domestic Violence is a Showgirl Issue too. I urge all Showgirls to pick a fight and jump in. Involve yourselves in some form of community outreach that helps battered women.

Domestic Violence seeps into all communities not just Chicago’s west side. There are women on the Gold Coast getting their asses beat too.

Consensual Role Play is not the same as Domestic Violence and should not be confused with the Sexy Games that grown people play.

People who don’t know anything about leather, vinyl, latex, water sports, corporal punishment, bondage, role reversal, fetishes and body worship may quickly jump to conclusions.

S and M Lifestyle are exploring their issues within the boundaries of their themes where as Domestic Abusers are lashing out without control or regard for the other person’s wishes or safety. We have completely different experiences.

It is my responsibility to talk about Domestic Violence and a draw a harsh line between the two because we don’t need anyone getting the wrong idea.

The age of consent for having sex in Illinois is 17.

Mystery Mika’s quote of the Day: Sex is a multi- layered way of engaging with another person. When it goes right, you have blissful happiness when it goes wrong it can get terribly painful and violent.

I don’t know what these High Schools call themselves teaching in regards to Sex Education but from what I see in the streets it is not working. The lessons are not helping young people have healthy relationships.

This concerns all of us because the violence spills out onto the street where folks with good sense are attempting to go about their lives.

Margaret Mead Quote of the Day: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

So Now we have a Mika’s Showgirl lesson to spread because my Cadettes are taught to address the Big picture.

Feel free to adopt my letter to an Abusive Brother (Sunday’s post) make it your own by adding your special quote of the day that maintains the spirit and tone of the letter.

Make 100 copies Showgirls and hand them out a Churches, High Schools and Street Corners where guys hang out.

My Sunday morning of passing the letter out was transformational. My children and I went to 30 different churches to leave our message. I had no idea on what was going to happen. I figured that the Church Mothers would be most responsive to my son’s voice. So I sent him in dressed in a button down collared shirt and a single letter printed on white paper.

The over half of the ushers came outside to see where the boy had come from.

I wore a black and white, lace print, J. Crew, below the knee dress with a collar of pearls tight at my neck. Nuri at the Salon just gave me a fresh perm on Friday so my hair very neat and bone straight.

This look really didn’t match the white puma’s and white socks on my feet but I needed comfort to hop in and out of the car. Besides I only got out to hand the letter to men and boys hanging out on the street corners.

When I got out of my car, I smiled and asked: Who’s the Boss?

The guys were shocked.

Nobody ever wanted to claim being the boss. So I would ‘once over’ the crowd again to see what person was attempting the hardest to look like he had no control over the guys.

Sometimes, as I stood, it was like a face off- for the Boss to step forward. In one instance a guy stepped up to me- Big as hell! His facial hair was very well groomed like he had just got out of the barber’s chair. He said: let me see what you got here… and took my simple letter.

I was amazed as to how many men read the letter.

One man standing in front of a church said- you got heart.

So Cadettes this is Mystery Mika’s Stand up against Domestic Violence Week.

Today I am going to High Schools, street corners and barber shops.

I am printing 40 letters today. It took 2hours yesterday to pass out 30.

Have at it Ladies.

Shooting Blanks

19 09 2007

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Times are tight, for some getting a Vasectomy is right

Announce to that special lover that you have taken care of business by sporting a Naughty Nurse tell all t- shirt.

Enjoy the freedom to choose the best way to make a settle hint.

I now have this adult humor, cozy Vasectomy T shirt and mug available at my online shop.
Be the thoughtful gift of Love with a chuckle!


13 09 2007

Once upon a time, a old Chinese doctor that told his patients, ‘pay me when you get well, if your health doesn’t improve you don’t owe me anything.’

These days with the rising cost of malpractice insurance, there is more money in chasing ambulances than treating the people in them.

People love a good story. There’s no business that I know like Show Business.

Have you seen the latest commercial with The Donald? His punch line is: ‘why does everyone think they deserve their own show?’

Mystery Mika can answer that one for ya!

For so long we have been silenced. By we I mean the little folks, the average guy, the housewife, the less than educated.

After watching all the professionals have at it WE have decided that WE can do just as good or better.

Perhaps we are no longer satisfied by the news coverage. We want more. We are living proof that more is happening. We would like the complete, uncensored version.

We would like to see a little emotion behind the delivery of the news. It is too calm, cool and collected. Are we supposed to feel the same way as the reporter? How about all the news as it is happening instead of the same news all day long.

Who decides what get broadcast anyway?

I hear that some nursing school in Indiana lost most of their clinical sites because of undesirable people showing up at the work sites. Instead of finding new sites the school is just writing down that the students completed their clinic hours.

Honey Hush. If they say hell nawl, that ain’t happening get someone with a badge to make them open up their books. Ask for every single clinic hour, for every single student to be verified from every supposed clinic site in Indiana.

What school? Where in Indiana? That is for you Showgirl Cadettes to find out. If I tell that I might as well take all the credit.

There’s a story for a wannabe reporter. Jump on it. I just threw you a bone. Indiana is a big state get your snoop gear and I want to hear the entire story busted wide open! Hurry before someone shows up to make me tell who, what, when. Now that it has been printed anything could happen. Depending how hungry or lazy the man eaters are.

That is why I am a writer and not a nurse. Corruption. Corporate Money Fetishes. There is no room for such foolishness in health care. The list goes on. I don’t hear any news about that. Let’s hear it. I dare ya!

I think they should send an angry woman with a health department badge to check into. There is nothing scarier than an angry woman with a badge after a bad guy.

So, Mister Donald Trump, everyone thinks that they deserve a show because everyone has a story to tell that they hear is not getting told.

Who can tell it the best?

Mystery Mika is thinking Contest.

Put away the hair spray ladies or I’m going to take care of it myself.

You heard it here first.

This post is the perfect example of mixing unrelated categories together. David Letterman, Conan, Jay Leno and the View do it everyday. I finally had my turn with some fresh news that hasn’t been printed anywhere as of yet.

Yeah me.