Take My Britches, if You Can

18 02 2008

The burning question:

Why bother trying to teach strippers anything?

It is true many strippers are hard headed, defensive, money hungry and looking for a fast buck. Most don’t get up before 3pm or take the time to read the newspaper. It is doubtful that they vote.

It is fair to say that many strippers hardly apply themselves to society in any other way other than being consumers.

Studies have shown that many non-stripping women stay in relationships because they can not afford to live on their own.

In the real job force women make .77 for every $1.00 earned by men

From my personal experience, the reverse is true among strippers- we can’t afford to be in relationships. Boyfriends are jealous or they don’t want to work. Some boyfriends attempt to live off of their stripper girlfriends.

This case scenario ‘boyfriend’ isn’t really a pimp (he doesn’t set her up with guys) he just never has any money towards the household. Now that’s a glass ceiling!

Many strippers want to lead normal lives but can’t under the stigma of their job.

It is a vicious cycle where the Entertainer/Stripper is stuck being a consumer. It becomes even more layers of consumerism if the Stripper has children to provide for.

Mika’s Showgirl School is the inexpensive, private, thought provoking way for an adult entertainer to opt out of the downward spiral program.

Let’s start by learning more about the dance that we do. More than any other trade, watching and listening to the performers that captured the limelight before us can add to our performances today.

If Mystery Mika ask 200 men who patronize strippers to name 4 classic pin up ladies and describe what made them famous- I’d bet my britches, the men who enjoy burlesque and or an occasional lap dance could easily rattle off a name and description.

On the other hand if I go to 75 beautiful Strippers, 75 Girls Gone Wild and 50 Hooter Girls (I’m willing to mix it up a bit- to even the odds)

If I ask them to name 4 famous burlesque performers or pin up girls- recent or retro- given a week- I bet they would forget about the assignment because they don’t care.

As of now most of my hits come from guys I who are searching for freaky sessions with their palms. I can tell by the keywords that led them to my blog that the hits didn’t come from my target audience.

words like licking, sucking, boobs, discipline, vagina, sex, sexy, how to,discipline, mistress, black, hairy, nude, naked, tall, Blondy, spank,big butt, pussy,drip,wet,shower

If you know a stripper, give her my url but remember the ol saying: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make the drink.

Girl Fight!

18 02 2008

In the past when the kid gloves came off there was nothing left but nylons and garter belts.

Betty Page captured the hearts of many in her signature black sheer pantie hose, patent leather pumps, stylish bangs. Her milk white skin was a unforgettable contrast to the way she glammed up for the camera.

Here’s a rare television interview with Betty Page. (Mystery Mika loves you, youtube.)

Betty Page wore black and never made it easy for her co stars to hog tie her.

Here’s Betty Page putting up a fight.

Should women really be pulling each others hair to entertain men?

Girl Fight!

It pretty much comes down to compensation.

If you are treated well and get paid well then it is okay.

If you are forced to do things that you don’t want to do and don’t get paid then it feels very bad.

In any business there are people trying constantly to get the upper hand.

Most people consider themselves smart when they see a profit.

Proud Mary

12 02 2008

Skilled dancers can break down the lifetime of a cherry blossom into universal gestures.. Trained and practiced singers have the willpower to push a melody so far under your skin that your spine tingles from vibrations of unknown truth.

Even babies will dance in the presence of a superb performer.

Once upon a time, I bobbed my head to Proud Mary without even understanding a single word that Tina said.

I remember my grandmother’s wooden record player. When the top was down it looked like a long, narrow table.

In the afternoon, after she fed her guppies, she would sing and dance to her favorite albums by Elvis, Sammy Davis, Dean Martin, Ike and Tina.

My life hadn’t yet gotten rough but I remember noting the difference between the way she sang ‘nice and easy‘ vs. ‘rough

Love was being nicknamed Sugar Lump

Love was being innocent- almost 3

Love was watching my grandmother grin. Her crisp apron tied around her chubby waist.

Is it ironic that my grandmother’s name was Mary?

Lick My Porno Cookie Vagina!

27 01 2008


Hiya Cadettes,

Day 2 of walking with the Porno Cookie Goodie Tray went very well. When I say well I mean the girls had fun and the guys had fun watching the girls have fun.

The biggest hit was the cookies shaped like Vaginae. I formed fat vaginae, wide open vaginae, big clit vaginae and floppy lip vaginae.

Blooming artistically with vagina sculpture, I will revisit Georgia O’keefe and study how that painter made eloquent creases and folds.

Even men who are horned out often refer to a pussy as a flower.

Some flowering vagina cookies will be nude for those that request that I not roll their porno cookie in powdered sugar.

The best thing about the Goodie Tray is that it speaks for itself.

The delicate, crispy, miniature, organic shapes assist the ladies who have a difficult time starting a conversation.

All the lady needs to do is grab a cookie and start licking. The flicking of the tongue is intuitive.

I noticed that each dancer had a unique lick pace-I assumed that she was licking my cookie at the speed that she liked to be stroked for pleasure.

The entire experience made a snowy afternoon more intriguing…

until we ran out of Vagina Cookies

The Cock and Ball Cookies were not as much fun.

Perhaps the men should lick those?
For now, it seems as though I’ve found a G spot.

Momma has finally figured out how to get the naughty dancers to do some real performance.

The new Mika Vagina dialogue was like sketchy word jazz. Only the vets knew exactly how and when to stop licking and add robust words that grabbed the customer’s imagination.

One girl exclaimed: I ate cooochie today for the first time!

A guy sitting on a bar stool said with a genuine grin : And we all watched!

The club atmosphere is better for everyone when the ladies put their creativity to use to express themselves sexually.

It is a team effort. Now buy a t shirt so that I can get some more Sugar to lightly dust my fat vagina cookie. If you purchase 5 items from the store leave your comment with this post and I will contact you and send you an autographed print of the above line drawing for FREE!

Click here to see what naughty things are in my store… ah here’s something fun from Soul Sacrifice

Play Dough

26 01 2008

Hiya Cadettes

This is just a quick note before I get back into the Porno Cookie Kitchen

Now I am realizing that this post should be posted at http://www.foodconfession.wordpress.com

Or maybe that is where the pictures will be when it is all said and done.

Anyway, the Porno Cookies went over very well on Mannheim Road.

Everyone noticed me and my Goodie Tray (I wore the Naughty Nurse outfit with the red cross that spreads across my boobs).

All I needed to say was something suggestive to get the laughter going.

Today I am rolling my buttery cookie tits and cocks in choco powder.

Many people want to see a black ass with white cocks. I’m trying to make a name for myself so I’d better give exactly what they ask for!

I plan on taking more time this morning shaping the sexy edible sculptures, hopefully this time my landlord won’t be peeking over my shoulder.

I would like to keep the shapes simple so that Men subconsciously think of Picasso

As a matter of fact, I think I’ll look through one of Picasso’ books right now before baking.

I’ll keep you posted.

Dark and Lovely

7 10 2007

Panty fetish? Keep reading sniffer slave!

Momma Mika is recovering from a long day and night of passing out those Letter’s to an Abusive Brother. At least 100 went out yesterday. Now I need to follow up on my G rated blog that I created to keep the domestic violence campaign in full swing.

Imagine what my panties must feel like- after all that darting around in early October Summer Heat…

The air is moist enough for magnolias to grow. I had tree sap all over my car. Everything juicy is sweeping.

I gotta go to the club today and make up for all the money I missed by not working a Saturday afternoon.

I need to wash all my panties for work. I need to sew the yellow ribbon back onto my full bottom bikini cut shear panties

My house looks like a tornado hit it. I pulled everything off of my card table to use it at the art show and now everything is on the floor- got to pick it all up and stick it someplace before the whole house wakes up.

I know that the thread is here somewhere…

My booth went well at the neighbor art walk. Most people were selling crafts, I had what you call a information booth.

People seemed very interested- a few people are traveling soon and promised to take the letter with them out of state. What started out as a week on Domestic Violence, has gained a life of its’ own.


I love hearing from you dolls with cute white panties out there- your comments help make up for the drop in hits per day. Please feel free to introduce yourselves. I am also very touched when I see your posts that link our blogs together.

Can you believe that I don’t know how to do that? I am a Vampire and I do live in a Vault. I’ve been away so very long.

Never let your job suck you in so far that you don’t keep up with the world around you. We all know people who are pretty much handicapped outside of their careers. Strippers are not allowed that tunnel vision.

Many of us make up stories to our family and friends about what we do for a living. Believe or not, many dancers make up stories to customers about why they are working/ stripping and pretend that they are in school during the day.

After a bit of time in one spot, the lying dancer needs to move to another club because all her customers and friends are onto her.

You don’t need to tell strangers your whole life story or give exact names of your school. You can be honest without sharing personal information that will make you unsafe.

Everyone needs some type of outlet for their soul. Everyone needs a friend that they can trust to tell what is going on inside their heart. Otherwise you go crazy trying to keep up with all the lies.

I bet lying strippers panties don’t smell as sweet.

Aside from that, what will your reality be if no one knows where you are at in your mind due to the experiences that you have had.

Identity is both what you do and what you are known for doing

If you don’t have anyone or any way of sharing where you have been then your reality may become emptiness.

Some girls attempt to be shady like that with their parents and never have a heart to heart talk. Those are the same ladies that end up in the club as sitting ducks.

Stripping is about Sex Appeal and Sexual Identity.

In the real world, Men often say non related things when they are trying to weigh their chances of scoring with you.

In the real world certain things are clues that a guy is attempting to get with you.

The well polished Stripper is able to communicate sex appeal and sexual identity with her audience by gesture, costume, conversation and body language.

Ladies who can not do this end up with customers who are not looking for entertainment inside the club but dates for outside the club. Ladies who are really really bad at it get stuck with the sour left overs for customers.

Like attracts Like even in stripping

Have at it Cadettes!

Please don’t forget your journal writing- the bloggers are writing everyday of course! If you are just joining us tighten up yo panties and catch up

Here are some fun ways to start your journals ladies:

1. My first pair of thigh high boots were worn so long that they lost the ability to stay up by themselves. Instead of buying of stiff new ones, I tied them in many loops with a rope of colorful panties.

2. I’ve lost my innocence but not hope… I am a wonder woman constantly growing and changing

well I need to go be a real mom and clean up this house.

I need shelving. I need more closets. Wouldn’t it be fun if Martha Stewart could send me her team.

Mystery Mika has a Posse… it is you!

I love you all thanks for reading.

morning kisses my sweets!

Why Housewives Go blahhhh in Blue Light Hotels

30 09 2007

Dumbfounded on a bar stool in a dim corner sat Burt. He loves olives, rap music and pretty girls. Burt is 55 and boasts about how much he hates being white and middle age. He comes to the strip bar and leaves alone every other Tuesday night. He will only to talk to the new dancer of the week. Burt is generous as long as you keep his olive glass full of spicy hot foreplay talk.

Burt’s broad chest was like a boey dancing on and obeying invisible waves. Without a capital S underneath the plaid shirt, the tiny squares might as well have been painted on. His pale jaw was out of place lip syncing the words…


They call me SUPERMAN I know what you wanna hear I’m here to save you Girl COME be in Shady’s World I wanna grow with you

The Bar was his hero’s telephone booth. Once inside he could pull the strings and sound the alarm. The fire pole was going to be climbed to mesmerize him. He loved it. He cleared his schedule for his Tuesday night out and brought many crisp singles.

After the first time I got a nice tip from, I asked other ladies that had sat with him what was his deal. They quickly informed me that he only like the ‘new girls’.

You only get lucky with that one once, Mika. One vet giggled.

If I were going to get another round in, I would need to have help and to plan every detail carefully. Everyone involved would need to be tipped for their time and effort. I decided that I would sit with him again. The big question was exactly how new did one need to be.

Was his sense of freshness measured by hair color, accent, race, height, weight, scent, breast size, rump roast or ability to stay optimistic? It was Any-body’s guess because no one could remember being invited to sit with him more than once.

I made up my mind to get another round. It is not that he was so charming that I went to bed reminiscing about his dashing presence- no, I was just curious. I love playing dress up and putting on a the Ritz. Making money just doing that right is a blast. It is basically what Showgirls want from every exchange.

I’m so cute- adore me, tip me big Spender
An hour next door to his mind promised a certain insight to a man’s desires.

Your entertainment brings me the most joy- tip me

He was non-confrontational and easy to talk to even though he bobbed his head to some hardcore rap. In between mouthing the raw lyrics, he did ask personal stuff like, what side of town I was from, where I’d danced before, what turned me on, if I had any pets, what my favorite food was etc. It didn’t bother me. The chore of making up and learning a new script for another session didn’t bother me either.

I’m your Genie- try to Pop my cork

It’s no secret, I get wet when I see the almighty dollar. Twenties are even better.

He also contributed $20 to the music but wanted me to pick the songs. (This was the hardest angle to figure out. $20 is a lot of songs even if you pick ones that have never been downloaded)

Finally some one rescued me by yelling: Mika stand away from the jute box!

Spend a little more time with me

The following Tuesday, my show bag was packed for a good time, I wore a curly wig and a different shade of lipstick and higher shoe. I wrote down 20 songs and stuck the cheat sheet into my stocking. My goal was to have a different routine than the previous week. Everyone adjusts their gait in higher shoes. I was banking on all black girls looking alike to him.

According to my research the top hip hop rap songs and Artists for October 2007 are as follows- This took a while because I really can’t stand Eminem so I ignored all of his songs on the DJ charts. I lined up the following songs to play for Burt’s visit. This was really new for me:

1. Kiss Kiss – Chris Brown featuring T- Pain

2. We On- GemStones (a.k.a Gemini) ft. Lupe Fiasco and Pooh Bear

3. Hypnotized – Plies ft. Akon

4.When I Roll Up- Attitude

5. Good Life- Kanye West ft. T- Pain

6. Like Money- Three 6 Mafia

7. Lose Yourself- Eminem

7. My Neck, My Back- Khia

8. Air Force One- Nelly

9. Crossroads- Bone Thugs n Harmony

10. In the Club- 50 Cent

11. Fuck the Police- NWA

12. Gin and Juice- Snoop Dogg

13. Dilemma- Nelly

14. Changes- 2 pac

15. Superman- Eminem

15. Gangsters Paradise- Coolio

16. Still Fly- Big Tymers

17. Ruff Ryders Anthem- DMX

18. Wanksta- 50 Cent

19. Cleaning Out My Closet- Eminem

19. Always On Time- Wu tang Clan

20. Roll Out- Ludacris

21. How We Roll- Willie Joe

22. Dress Code- Cocked- N- Locked

23. Regulate- Warren G and Nate Dogg

24. Hit em Up- Tupac Shakur

25. Bottle Popping- Yung Joc

The plan was flawless. Even though Sierra has more of a classic, black girl build- thicker around the ass; men still get us mixed up. So, I asked Sierra to pretend that she was Mika- wearing her hair straight like I’d done my hair the last time I sat with Burt.

Burt always requests that the lady from his previous week introduce him to the new girl. He tips his old lady for walking the new girl over to him.

8 pm was the witching hour. Sierra kept reminding me that I was going to owe her one. The thought of being in her debt didn’t bother me. Maybe I could pay her off with a sweet kiss. The kind that girls know drive men crazy.

Our upcoming performance gave me an excuse to stroke and fuss with her hair and do her make up the way that I want her to wear her eyes all the time.

My soft mascara separated and stretched out her already full lashes and the copper tones made her lids appear to be slanted in the same direction as her nipples. I thought to myself what a shame that she couldn’t strut a nude stage to show off my artistry.

Burt showed up at 8:30pm. Sierra batted her eyes and went up to him first. It was lovely to watch her toss her head and run her fingers through her hair- impersonating all my bimbo, body language. I made a mental note to correct her in the gesture of raking her fingers from underneath of her hair- I always untangle my hair the top.

She introduced me as Michelle.

I acted like it was my first day on the job with my clothes off.

Burt: So how do you like it here, Michelle?

Michelle: It is cold.

Burt: Let’s go for a dance, maybe you will warm up.

Michelle: a dance? I thought you only like to talk.

Burt: well you look so cold, I figured that you would look better with sweat running down your chest. Let’s stop by the juke box and play some music. He handed over a twenty.

My cheat sheet really came in handy. Most of the current top rap hip hop songs were available. I didn’t have to dance to Eminem. I know he’s just an artist trying to make money but I really think his lyrics are driving men to treat women like garbage.

Now I’m thinking I should get a download cheat sheet prepared for each music genre. Instead of girls thinking that I am not on top of the music thing- I’ll always know what is jumping off before anyone else.

HOME STUDY makes you stand out in the CLUB Ladies

Back to Burt.

After my 1 !/2 of dancing and not hearing one Prince Song Burt said: Thanks Mika, You were so much fun.

Michelle: What do you mean? MIKA?

Burt: ahh, I knew that it was you all the time- it seemed as thought you went to so much trouble to keep my interest. I wondered how detailed you would get to convince me that you were someone else.

I wish that my wife would play around like that every once in a while.

Mika: Sometimes it is difficult to forget a day when you live with someone and just be playful.

Burt: My wife just let herself go. She’s fat and grumpy. The only way I would be convinced that she was someone else- is if she was nice to me.

Mika: That’s brutal.

Burt: This one friend said that I should try taking her out to a fancy hotel and send her to a spa. What a waste of money. She wasn’t happy. It is always the same thing with her, the same type of clothes, the same music and the same complaints. She hates rap! She doesn’t even know any rap songs. She doesn’t try to keep up with the world. She’s been old since the day after we got married.

It’s like she wanted somebody to count on in terms of security but doesn’t really love me. I doubt if she ever loved me.

Mika: maybe you do her wrong, maybe you hurt her.

Burt: my cock’s not big enough to hurt anybody

Mika: maybe that’s the problem!

Burt: you are wonderful and so honest.

Mika: I wasn’t so honest when I said my name was Michelle.

Burt: Come on tell me what’s wrong with me, I think you I can trust you.

Mika: I don’t think that there’s enough time for that.

Burt: let’s sit down and really talk…

Mika: cool with me, I don’t have nothing to loose by telling your problems- as I see it I’m ahead- you were only going to sit with me once

Burt: that was before you agreed to tell me why my wife goes about everything so blahhhhh.

Mika: that’s easy, her life doesn’t revolve around change. It is typical. Whatever a person is trained to do- that is what they do.

Does she need to change for any good reason? Did you tell her when your taste in music changed?

Burt: No.

Mika: so, you started venturing out musically and you just play Sinatra at home?

Burt: sort of.

Mika: well that’s what happened, you both changed and tried to convince the other one that you hadn’t out of fear of not being liked for who you were becoming.

Burt: I see your point, and that didn’t take long.

Guess I’ll see you in a couple of weeks. Lose the wig and line up a new playlist

Jazz would be a nice change, write it down… make me a copy, if you don’t mind.

Before, I decided to become an engineer- I fantasized about being a music major. I never had enough nerve. My parents would have been heartbroken if I’d said that I was going to be a musician.

Mika: See ya next time Burt- try not to live in the past. It’s never to late. Your homework is to see that movie Wild Hogs with John Travolta.

Burt: I’m a coo coo.